The Rich Hippy

I’ve been a Coach, Counsellor and Psychotherapist in Private Practice now since 1999. Since 2009 I have specialised as a Trauma Therapist.

It’s been quite the journey in life to get to where I am now. Where am I now you may ask? I’d say reasonably sane.

Well in truth I’ve always been sane but I certainly grew up with people who were not only insane but incredibly unsafe.

My parents were immigrants and we arrived in Melbourne, Australia in 1968.

I was born in Sri Lanka, my mother was half Sinhalese, half Scottish and my Father was a Burgher. They left Sri Lanka, to move across the world to a new land, for a new beginning and to start a new life. I was three years old and my brother was six months when we migrated.

Though I have little to no memory of leaving Sri Lanka, I knew I was devastated to leave my beloved Scottish Grandmother (who I called Grams) behind. She adored me and I adored her and I couldn't imagine a life without her.

Six months after we settled in Melbourne, she had divorced my lecherous Grandfather and came to live with us in Australia. With little memory of that time I do remember that day we went to pick her up at the airport. My heart soared to see her again. I hugged her so tight in the taxi.

A year, to the day of our arrival in Australia, my younger sister was born on 1 May 1969. What was meant to be a new beginning for a migrant family escaping political unrest in the country formerly known as Ceylon.

"Ceylon had the world's first female prime minister, Sirimavo Bandaranaike. Following her husband's assassination in 1959, she became Chairwoman of the Sri Lanka Freedom Party; leading the party to victory in the July 1960 election.

She attempted to reform the former British Colony of Ceylon into a socialist republic by nationalising organisations in the banking, education, industry, media and trade sectors." - wikipedia

My parent's wanted to escape Sri Lanka becoming a socialist republic.

My mother was pregnant with me when she was only seventeen and my parent's had a shot gun wedding because my mother was pregnant with me and they needed to get married. My father was twenty one at the time.

By the time my mother was twenty two and living in Australia she had three children under the age of four.

My parents were so very young and their hope of a new start, a new beginning was not to be. There was too much stress, too many obstacles, our family was so dysfunctional.

My parent's because of their own histories of trauma and abuse made our home a living hell. We were subjected to every form of abuse you could imagine, physical, sexual, verbal and emotional. The domestic violence was so intense it just became normal.

So we were living in a new country with extended family as my Paternal Grandparents were also now living in our house. There were five adults and three children, living in a large, five bedroom house in the South Eastern suburbs of Melbourne.

My father beat my mother constantly. No event was sacred, birthdays, Christmas, parties, bar-be-cues, every happy occasion ended in a beating. My Mother couldn't take it anymore and simply collected my brother and I at school one day, in a taxi. My grandmother was in the taxi too, ashen faced holding my four year old sister. My Mother spoke in hushed whispers and told us not to ask any questions.

Two of my Mum's work friends helped us out and were so good to us, providing us with a home until my Mother could legally get custody of us. We were hiding out like fugitives for I don't know how long until the five of us moved into a tiny two bedroom flat. We left our friends behind in the neighbourhood and we moved to a new school so lost our friends there as well.

My father remained in our large house with my dog and his messed up parents.

We had been in our new home for about a week and on the Sunday my father had his first legal visitation with us. We were supposed to go to Sunday school in the morning as our new school wasn't Catholic and then go out with him afterwards. That Sunday never came.

He turned up the night before to fight with my Mother and things turned ugly. He stabbed her to death and took his own life with the same knife in front of my younger brother, sister and I and my Grandmother. I was eight, my brother five and my sister four. That night changed my life forever.

We didn't know where we were going to live or who we were going to live with. We became wards of the state. Luckily, my Grams got custody of us. I breathed a sigh of relief believing life would be ok for us but again it wasn't to be.

After the murder/suicide life drained from her and she lost the will to live. She had a heart attack, was hospitalised for Gallstones then developed lumps in both breasts. She had a double mastectomy.

My life at nine comprised of taking care of my younger siblings. Getting them up in the morning, giving them breakfast, getting them ready for school. I would help Grams bathe and be scared of the angry, red scar where her breasts used to be. She was so frail and weak every day and it broke my heart to see the once large, jovial, happy woman I adored, a skeletal shell of herself.

I would often have to skip school to go with her to specialist appointments or sit with her in the hospital while she had chemotherapy. The other useless, dysfunctional adults around me, left me to fend for myself with my Grandmother. Because she was my Mum’s Mum and my Mum was blamed for all that had happened, my poor Grams was seen as the enemy. It wasn't much of a life for a nine year old and my childhood was over and I was already an adult but I would have done anything for my Grams.

I thought things would get better at home but they never did. Grams succumbed and lost her battle with breast cancer when I was ten. My paternal grandparents took over our care for a year and that was a nightmare.

My Dad's sister and her husband and my cousin moved into our house and the domestic violence continued. My Uncle hit both my Aunt and my cousin, who was a year older than me. My Aunt hit me and my cousin daily. My cousin suffered from severe depression and never really recovered from our childhood.

She died when she was fifty leaving her own daughter motherless, just as my siblings and I were left motherless. My remaining family members don't seem to be able to heal and the cycles just seem to continue and repeat.

By the time I was twelve years old I had been raised by five personality disordered people, a combination of both Narcissistic Personality and Borderline Personality Disorder. Life at home continued to be a living hell. The only reprieve I had was I went to a great all girls catholic school that was filled with loving teachers, who looked out for me, and friends that I loved and adored and made life somehow bearable until school ended with year twelve.

My friends like me were also experiencing severe trauma and abuse at home and initially it bonded us but eventually pulled us apart.

I made new friends at University but they weren’t the same friendships I had at school. The bond was nowhere near as strong. I was working full time and studying part time to complete by Bachelor of Arts Degree and the daily abuse continued until I simply couldn’t take it anymore.

In a convoluted plot to leave a very traditional, controlling Sri Lankan family where the only way you could leave home was to get married and I was gay, I left Melbourne and moved to Sydney on the graduate program with the company I was working for. It was the only way they would let me go. I had completed my BA and my Aunt & Uncle believed I was only going for two years. I knew I would never come back.

So I was twenty two when I left Melbourne to move to Sydney to get away from the daily abuse. I moved away because like my parents I needed to start a new life.

When I was 28 and my first long term lesbian relationship had fallen apart and I began counselling for the first time I was diagnosed with complex PTSD. So began the journey, a journey that has lasted all of my life thus far, to heal from trauma.

The world is full of unresolved trauma, it’s everywhere and it surrounds us and is, from what I believe at the core of many of the bad experiences happening in the world.

There is a great deal of cultural trauma around the world caused by people experiencing natural disasters ,wars, all forms of neglect, domestic violence and sexual abuse in their own homes, bullying in schools and these days cyber bullying too.

In my parent’s and grandparent’s generations they grew up through the great depression, World War 1, World War 11, The Korean War, Boer War, Vietnam War, various pandemics like the Spanish Flu in 1918.

When I did my training to become a trauma therapist we had to watch videos of men experiencing "shell shock" from various wars. While "Shell Shock" relates directly to the damage caused to the brain by exploding shells, the videos I watched also related to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) caused by the effects of what these men endured during war.

Many men, some who were extremely young, were subjected to events and undergoing experiences no one should ever have to go through. Some of us have witnessed things no one should ever witness which leads to PTSD, complex PTSD or PTSI (Post Traumatic Stress Injury).

Most of these men were never treated for their mental and emotional wounds as a result of War and what they had endured. It was all swept under the rug and they were encouraged to just get on with life when they returned to so called normal civilisation.

Many turned to alcohol to deal with PTSD, many were violent and aggressive, beat their wives and sexually abused their children and no one spoke of these evils.

To me this is where Narcissism is born. Vulnerable, damaged men returned from war and were not allowed to show their vulnerability and just had to pull up their socks and continue on no matter how wounded they were on the inside.

We find ways to survive and the human spirit is incredibly resilient and we just go on, slowly dying inside, often having to remain silent.

All the unresolved trauma from world wars, the Holocaust, civil wars, pandemics, the Great Depression has been filtering down through society leading to intergenerational trauma.

Today at least these taboo subjects are out in the open and there are movements sweeping the globe about domestic violence, the #mettomovement# against sexual harassment. Childhood sexual abuse at the hands of the Catholic Church and other religious sects is all out in the open in 2021.

We are no longer silent on these issues that matter but PTSD and worse our attachment traumas go widely undiagnosed and are rarely treated. I've spent so many years studying how to treat and work with trauma. I understand it not only from a text book perspective but having lived my own experiences with complex trauma and embarking on a journey of my own healing.

When I'm with my clients, they don't know my personal history but they know I'm on my on healing journey and they know I understand what they have been through. It's just an innate knowing.

So what is trauma? Many people don’t really understand what it means to suffer from trauma. It is often a misunderstood concept where people believe to be “traumatised” you have must experience or witness an extreme event such as rape, sexual assault, a car accident, armed hold up, domestic violence, war or natural disaster.

While extreme events such as those mentioned above can lead to being “traumatised” or PTSD other overwhelming experiences such as bullying, public ridicule, repeated distress in childhood and neglect, inconsistent caregiving, harsh criticism by parents or teachers, emotional or verbal abuse may also leave you feeling threatened or harmed in some way.

Such experiences can leave you with negative emotions such as helplessness, powerlessness, anxiety, depression, anger or rage. Your body and brain treats these experiences in the same way as the body and brain of someone who has been raped.

Two people can go through the exact same experience and be impacted in different ways. Trauma impacts different people in different ways. It is also important what happens after a traumatic incident or event as to what the likely impacts may be. For example, if a woman is raped and she receives appropriate treatment and trauma counselling after the rape and feels supported and cared for by those around her, there is less chance the traumatic impacts will be long lasting.

In contrast a child who was relentlessly bullied at school and parents and teachers ignored the impacts of the bullying, this child may grow up to suffer with depression, low self worth or turn to substance abuse in order to cope with the overwhelming emotions and distress they have experienced over prolonged periods.

So if we look around the world there are currently wars raging in Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq, Yemen, Turkey, Mexico, Somalia, Libya, Palestine, Israel to mention a few. Internal Conflicts have raged in Northern Ireland, Sri Lanka, Africa, South Africa, Egypt over decades. https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/countries-currently-at-war)

Then of course there is the Holocaust and all the rippling ramifications of intergenerational trauma experienced by those who survived and their descendants.

There are mass shootings happening daily in the USA. On average there are 10 mass shooting a week with over 200 so far in 2021 alone.

Domestic Violence is an epidemic here in Australia with at least one woman killed each week by a spouse, partner or ex spouse or partner. Rates of child sexual abuse and neglect are also extremely high here in Australia as in other countries.

That doesn't take into account bullying at schools, bullying in the home cyberbullying and trolls on social media and high rates of teen and male suicides and also high rates of suicide in the LGBTQI community.

So if all this is happening around us how can there not be undiagnosed and unresolved trauma that keeps being passed down the generations? Yes intergenerational trauma is definitely a thing.

While this paints a really bleak picture of a dark world, the good news is at least in 2021 a lot more is out in the open and people, especially the younger generation, actively seek help to address mental and emotional health issues at a greater level then when "shell shock" was swept under the rug and written out of the medical journals.

People like Oprah and Prince Harry are bringing mental health issues out into the open with the Apple TV series "The Me You Can't See".

Here in Australia Prince Harry is featured in the mainstream press and media undergoing EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) which is the type of therapy I deliver as a Psychotherapist.

When I started having EMDR therapy in 2010 it completely changed my life for the better. In 2011 I trained to become an EMDR therapist and the rest is history.

So much of what was buried and hidden is now openly discussed and that's a good thing when high profile people like Oprah and Prince Harry are bringing this message to the world.

While Oprah has always been one to promote greater consciousness, the lights really went on when she started to understand how the brain wires when you are traumatised and she did the 60 minutes interview with Bruce Perry, an American Psychiatrist specialising in trauma.

She has now co-authored a book with Bruce Perry titled "What Happened to You". Bruce Perry introduced Oprah to trauma informed care. To me when Oprah fully understands the impacts of trauma on how we operate on a human level that's a game changer for the world. When Oprah speaks the world listens.

it's not all about darkness. There is light at the end of the tunnel if we know the path and where to find support. There are kind and loving people in the world too and as Helen Keller wrote in her book Optimism (1903) "Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it"

So I designed two programs to help others heal from trauma, form healthy attachments and learn to be in healthy relationships. One is called The Rich Hippy and the other The Rich Hippy Relationships.

I've taken what I've learned from my own personal journey with trauma and also my years as Psychotherapist and written these two programs to help others.

Before the pandemic I was running these two workshops face to face at a small healing centre on the northern beaches of Sydney. Once Covid hit the centre closed temporarily. Now I'm working to put these courses online to reach a wider audience rather than the small numbers I was reaching presenting the face to face workshops.

What the Rich Hippy Program is about:

Energetically align yourself to live a rich, free, happy and abundant life using the Law of Attraction & Neuroscience.

As a Coach, Counsellor & Psychotherapist what I have observed in many of my clients, people around me and from my own experiences is that humans are conditioned to struggle. Many people just live in survival mode. Too many people live each day barely getting by emotionally, mentally, physically or financially and are often struggling with depression, anxiety, addictions, unhealthy relationships, lack of money etc.

Why is this? Often because of our conditioning we only know one way to live and that is with hardship and struggle. The human brain is primarily wired to live in a negative and fearful way. Many factors play a role in this such a genetics, conditioning, experiences in childhood and adolescence, our tolerance to stress, the way our brains are wired based on our experiences and our daily environments.

The Rich Hippy program is designed to help you understand the principles of the Law of Attraction at a very deep level and bring it together with Neuroscience- understanding our brain. The program brings spirituality and science together to help you live a life you truly love.

By understanding how our brains function and how our brains are primarily wired we can change our brains and nervous systems to focus more on the positive aspects of life. If we understand that our brains are Neuroplastic and can be rewired we can move from fear and limitation to more positive states of being such a ease, joy, peace and calm. You can retrain your brain to allow you to manifest what it is you want in your life.

The program is designed to be realistic and practical and easily applied to your everyday life.

How will The Rich Hippy Program benefit you?

* Explore what the Law of Attraction really is and begin to understand vibrational frequency and how you can be energetically aligned to leading a happier, abundant and freer life;

* Law of Attraction is not just about positive thinking. This is a common misconception. This program looks at LOA from a holistic perspective bringing in mind, body, spirit looking at all three as a whole.

* Understand how your conditioning, belief systems and the way your brain is wired gets in the way of you living the way you want to live and what you can actually do to change your brain;

* Explore your own limiting beliefs around abundance, wealth, health, relationships and happiness and begin to understand what you are actually energetically aligned to at a deeper level ;

* Understand how your nervous system operates and how a dysregulated autonomic nervous system prevents you from living the life you want;

* Understand the difference of being in survival, living and thriving and your energetic alignment at each level.

* While having conscious awareness of patterns is the first step, it is not always effective in changing behaviour, this program provides practical ways to show you how to change behaviour slowly, steadily and consistently;

* This program brings together spirituality and science in a practical, grounded way that will give you realistic tools to help you make long term changes in your own life;

* This program will allow you to check in that your essence and your soul are in alignment with your ego and personality;

* Learn how to create greater freedom, choice, happiness and ease for yourself;

What the Rich Hippy Relationships Program is about:

Understand the Neurobiology of relationships, attachment & connection in order to create healthy, safe, vibrant and long lasting intimate relationships.

Right now we are living in a world where we are more connected online (especially with Covid) than ever before but more disconnected in our interpersonal relationships. Loneliness and depression are at extremely high levels especially in Western society.

Why is human attachment so important? The quality of our relationships has a significant impact on how fulfilled, satisfied and happy we feel. If our relationships aren’t working, we can feel hopeless and despairing of the future. Humans are pack animals and are meant to be connected but in today’s society many are experiencing a loss of connection that is profound.

We have lost our way when it comes to our relationships. Our ability to attach begins with our primary caregivers and hence how we experience attachment in our early years creates our own attachment style.

Attachment styles refer to how we relate to others and how we feel about the important people in our lives. It is often experienced as the push and pull between intimacy and autonomy.

How will The Rich Hippy Relationships Program benefit you?

* Understand attachment theory and explore your attachment history;

* Learn about the primary attachment styles and understand your own attachment style and how you can become securely attached;

* Discover the role of the brain, body and nervous system in attachment;

* Explore our need to attach and our need for autonomy; and what gets in the way of both;

* Delve into the power of interdependence versus co-dependency;

* Learn how to attach safely while maintaining interdependence;

* Understand the Neurobiology of human connection and how you can train your brain for deeper connections;

* Explore how to integrate your spiritual energy & your Neurobiology in order to manifest loving relationships;

* This course will provide ample time for interactive sharing and discovering what gets in the way for you around your own friendships & relationships and what you can do to heal them;

* Understand what your needs are in a relationship and how to express them in a healthy way;

* In the program we set intentions and do practical, grounded rituals to help you manifest deeper, more loving and connected relationships;

* A safe space to explore your attachments and be supported by like-minded people.

Trauma plays out in our relationships as well as limits our ability to live a life we love. So I'm passionate about helping others to heal and live the lives they were meant to live before all the trauma happened.

I want to help people heal so they can be connected to themselves and live lives where they are free and able to be in healthy, loving relationships with like minded souls.

No one is perfect and no life is perfect but life can be very different when you are able to heal from your past and your trauma at a level that is humanly possible and still maintain your humanity.

Too many people are walking around with the shackles of their past haunting them and they are unable to truly live. Trauma therapy has helped me enormously and I want to be able to pass that healing onto others who also want to heal.

I believe I can monetise these programs and create online courses so I can reach a wider audience. That audience is those that want to heal from trauma and those that want to heal from traumatic relationships.

It would be great to have expert advice on how to put these programs online and once people have purchased the courses they then have some free access to additional resources as a support while completing and after completing the courses.

Memberful subscriptions could include the following:

*further exercises that support course content;

*links to additional resources;

*inspirational quotes

* monthly newsletter etc. to keep people on track with their lives and their relationships, all Rich Hippy style.

There is scope to provide some free resources and also an additional paid subscription providing support delivered into people's inboxes each week.

I could really use the help and support of a company like Memberful to help me get these courses online and to assist me in monetising the two programs.

People suffering from trauma are everywhere in the world. It's a global issue not only caused by wars and natural disasters but often by what is happening in our homes and within our own families with emotional neglect, domestic violence, sexual abuse and other forms of emotional, physical and verbal abuse. Trauma happens in schools with bullying and then there is increased cyber bulling with the growth of technology and social media.

We are also in the middle of a global pandemic which is leading to a surge in mental health issues due to a greater sense of isolation and global communities that are dealing with sickness and death due to Covid 19 as well as financial impacts. That's a whole other level of trauma created by this pandemic.

There is a way out and people don't need to continue to suffer if they receive the right kind of support. There is another way to live and healing is possible. I'm living proof you can endure all of life's adversities, survive, move beyond survival and begin to live and eventually thrive not based just on resilience.

I'd really like to share my journey and pass on the lessons I have learnt and the ways I have gone about healing so that those who want to heal don't have to continue in their suffering. I want to share my knowledge so that those who want to live a different life (like I do) can live healthy and meaningful lives and connect to their soul purpose.

I'm gonna put it out to the universe to receive help in the human form by having Memberful help me to make this happen.