The Power of Name (Part Two)

Life has many connections. We connect to people at work, home, in the community and in various organizations. In each place, we form relationships and give value to others. We name them. Much like ourselves, how we name others gives them power or robs them of influence.

At school or at a workplace, have you ever had a poor relationship with a peer? Superficially, it may be very apparent that each of you are not positively attached or influenced by one another. They have a given legally recognized name, but is that what you call them? More often than not, the answer is "No." Depending on how colorful your imagination, the name that you assign that contentious individual empowers them in some form. It gives a place in your life to them.

To further complicate matters, what happens when you keep using that name. In the first discussion on names, we discussed the concern of what can occur if you begin to define yourself by a given name. If you say "I am smart" or "I am dumb," you will probably try and validate those names or expectations (names=expectations). With a person that you interact with in an environment, if you state "she/he is a jerk," most likely you will find them to meet that expectation. Have you ever noticed that if you expect bad things, they might appear more often or be more present? With people, it could be argued that the same expectation of negative or positive can be found when we put an name or expectation (name=expectation) on any person.

Another startling thought is what happens after we initially start using a name, it gains permanence. Once you call someone by a nickname, how hard is it to call them by a given name? It is really hard to change that name or expectation once it is set. It becomes habit. We live by routines. and, names are another example of a routine that we adopt. Like a reputation, once a name is established, it may never be changed.

So, things to digest at this point. When you name someone, you give them influence in an area of your life. When a name is given, it is hard to change. At this point in the discussion, you may be ok with someone having a given name. That is fine. We have healthy relationships that involve names like "friend, lover, wife, husband, son, etc." Danger lies when someone has a negative influence in your existence. This is the concern of naming someone, the power to negatively impact your life comes from a name that trivializes a relationship or harshly impacts perception.

Going back to toxic relationships at work as an example, perhaps we can begin to identify the name problem with a basic question- "Is a given name truly accurate?" The "jerk" at work may be misunderstood or having problems that manifest in your environment. Let me be clear, I am not advocating bad or improper behavior. In life, we all have bad days and make mistakes. When we deal with people, perhaps we should exercise "careful" mercy. Without putting ourselves in danger, maybe we should give the "jerk" a training or temporary title like "he/she is having a bad day." By putting a time on it, we can also limit how permanent the title is for an individual. The "jerk" today may become a friend tomorrow. Just an idea to consider for those around us.

Also, we should consider names with those around us in more positive relationships. I am a father (M.A.D. Dad) and have a daughter that I adore completely. She has always been "my little girl." I am so exceedingly proud of her! Regrettably, I am dealing with the amazing situation where "my little girl" has graduated high school and now on the verge of graduating college and going to graduate school. She is exceptionally smart, more mature than myself at her age, and beautiful; yet, begrudgingly, I still see the shy eight-year old "little girl" when I look at her. The name I am working on currently is "my amazing daughter." To avoid emotional friction with our most positive relationships like our more negative ones, perhaps we should allow the names we give to others to have flexibility and grow as they grow in life. In reflection on the first discussion regarding naming ourselves, we should give ourselves the opportunity to grow and change in name as we move through life.

The M.A.D. Dad