The Pandemic Tried Killing My Motivation. I Fought Back.

The pandemic has attempted to destroy what some (or most?) of us think being productive means; however, I believe that's bullshit--I one hundred percent believe that's bullshit. What productivity could be to one person might be nothing compared to another, and coupled with my own struggles with mental health I've come to the conclusion that nobody can tell someone else what being productive means.

We all have different approaches to how we tackle our days. Some of us may hold day jobs, go to those day jobs, and after working eight hours (or however long,) head home to relax, take care of family members, dogs, cats, snakes, or other pets; some of us may work longer than eight hours, anywhere between ten and fourteen or more, and go home to sleep; some of us may not hold a day job and work from home writing, or painting, or sculpting, whatever it may be. The main thing is, though, that motivation may come and go, in fleeting moments, day-long bursts, or not at all.

The pandemic tried to kill my motivation. I fought back. In recent months I have been out of a job, and with the pandemic spreading throughout the United States like rampant, with different states having different ways of going about how they were handling their rising number of cases, my motivation to find a job, create anything for myself, or even relax was crushed.

Nothing is open where I live with the restrictions placed on my state. Restaurants aren't open for dine-in, entertainment venues aren't open for patrons, schools have gone to online learning, etc. So, what did I do? I took a long, hard look at what I enjoy, what I believed I could enjoy for an extended period of time, and mindlessly did those activities.

From November until now, this is what I have done for myself, and it has worked to keep me motivated, energized, and all-around happy with how my life situation is at the current time: I've read; I've been writing a novel; I've played video games; I've ordered models from websites and built them; I've watched television; I've watched movies. I even tried to learn how to cook (I'm still awful at cooking.)

So, what's the point? Have I accomplished anything worthwhile in the grand scheme of the world? No, not really. However, what I have done is take care of my mental health. I've beaten what this pandemic has done to millions of others around the world. I haven't lost my motivation, my drive, my enjoyment of the little things.

Since November, I have read fifteen novels (most of them short) and have almost finished the first draft of my own novel; I've played video games with my brother and a couple friends--we can talk and communicate while playing, enjoy each other's company despite not being in the same physical place; I've built a model or two (Gundam models that looked interesting with their colors and different parts;) I've gone for drives in my car around town; I've drunk too much coffee for a normal person; I've slept; I've breathed.

The point here, for me, is this: despite being out of a job, despite the pandemic doing everything it can to strip away "normal life" from me, despite not being able to do what I used to do, I looked at myself, realized what I enjoy, and dug my heels into doing those activities. Have I been productive? In corporate America's mind? No, I have not. I haven't made any money for months. In my own mind? Yes, yes, yes. Yes, I have been productive. I've done small tasks, I've taken breaks when my body is tired, I've gotten sleep, I've enjoyed myself for the first time in a long time.

Some days I'll write 200 words. That's progress. 200 is better than 0.

Some days I'll make myself breakfast, turn on my computer, and play a game. That's progress. Doing something with my hands can be better than laying in bed.

Some days I'll lay in bed. That's progress. It is. Am I mentally, emotionally, or physically exhausted? A break does wonders.

Some days I'll go outside. A walk in the cold, fresh air of Michigan's January can be refreshing. Sure, it's cold, but the trees topped with snow, the rabbits and birds that have stayed in the north, and the sun shining down on me tells me life is still here--it's still going.

I've been productive for myself. I'm writing, I'm reading, I'm watching my favorite television shows, and not caring if someone else doesn't think I'm doing enough for myself. It's my life, and being productive can mean many things. Someone else's life is their life, and they can do what they feel makes them productive. I don't need to make millions of dollars to feel productive. If I'm enjoying myself, taking care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally, then I'm being productive within myself. And that's all that matters.

The most simple, but true, piece of advice I have ever heard, and one that I wholeheartedly believe is this line from the movie Role Models: "Do what makes you happy."

Get out, stay in, watch television, eat chocolate, go for a walk. But remember: do what makes you happy.