The Miserable Replica

We are living in a world right now where we are surrounded by things that make us feel like less of as a person. Social media, advertising and television constantly remind us that in order for society to approve of us, we need to be pretty, sexy, wealthy, smart, famous, etc., the list goes on and on. We live in a generation where most people put on a mask to cover up all their insecurities and flaws, terrified that if they show the world who they really are, they would just be rejected. I have been in that situation and am still in an ongoing battle with my inner-self to fully accept who I am.

I grew up being bullied and called names in high school because my face was full of large acne. My self-esteem was so low that I didn't have any desire to go to school anymore, it just caused too much anxiety and pain. It was during that time that I would constantly look myself in the mirror and ask why am I so ugly? Why is my face like this? Why am I not as popular as my other friends? Why am I not as smart or as good looking? Maybe if I was born differently, people would start to accept me. The anxiety and depression that I felt at that time was so deep that I started to hate myself and who I was as a person. I started to believe the lies and the negativity that my classmates were telling me. Until one night, I thought about ending it all, so I could be free from this inner turmoil that I was feeling. When I was about to do it, I saw my siblings and my parents sleeping peacefully and I was reminded of the word LOVE. These are the people who did nothing but love me and it would cause them a lot of pain and brokenness if I continued with what I was thinking of doing that night. I cried out that night and finally realized that in order to break free from these lies I needed to accept who I was as a person, I was my own worst enemy. Despite what others are telling me, I am in charge of my own happiness. It is my choice to allow if those negative words define me or not!

After that realization, I started looking in the mirror and seeing the things that I have never seen before. I was beautiful and worthy of love. I finally found that the real source of my depression and anxiety is ME not accepting who I am. I am living in a world of comparison and trying to be somebody that I am not. I was wearing so many fake masks that I suffocated the real me. That day, I showed up to school with my head held high, walking with confidence because I finally encountered "the greatest love of all" and that is learning how to love myself. How can others accept me if I do not accept myself? How can others love me if I do not love myself? I finally decided to remove all the miserable replica mask's I was wearing and that's when the real beauty showed up, the REAL ME!! I started to become more confident with my own looks, my fashion style, and I started to discover all the things that I was good at, that I was actually gifted just like everyone else. I started to see things with a whole new perspective. That I am worthy, that I am loved, that I am enough.

Now, I still have struggles here and there with insecurity, but I can say that I have grown immensely. I am not bothered by what other people say about me for I know who I am, I know my worth, I know my strengths and weaknesses, and most of all I accept myself. I am happy and content BEING ME and NOT BEING A MISERABLE REPLICA OF SOMEONE ELSE.