The Happiness Factor

Guess what?! August is National Happiness Month, and that means the whole month of August is dedicated to celebrating what makes us happy. But it shouldn't stop there!

You see, no matter what your age or gender, we all have one desire in common: to be happy. Every choice we make comes from the belief that it will make us happier. However, even though we all want happiness, it can be quite elusive. Few know how to actually get there, let alone experience it on a sustained basis.

College courses on positive psychology have a record of attracting many hundreds of students going as far back as the 60s. This year, the most popular and widely enrolled course in Yale University’s 316-year history is a class on happiness. Based on scientific research, it focuses on behavioral and attitudinal changes and living in the present — all enormously valuable concepts.

I wroteSoul Selfish: The Awakening of a "Good Girl" to encourage people to stand for their happiness by looking within to release the limiting and erroneous beliefs and blocked emotions that bind them.

As children we are trained to be obedient to our parents, teachers and spiritual leaders. As adults, our work is to let go of what we have accepted from outside ourselves that is not in line with who we truly are. From that soul connection, we more confidently present ourselves to the world.

Here are some soul selfish tips for creating happiness in your life:

Ego Selfish Versus Soul Selfish

Know the difference. Ego is a relentlessly driving voice insisting that you need to be, or have this or that to feel good, loved and valued. It is a separating, comparative and competitive belief system. In contrast, soul selfishness sources from the deepest part of ourselves, the place from which we are all connected. Being in alignment with our souls is the surest way to achieve sustained happiness.

Try this exercise. Sit down someplace comfortable, whether it's on your bed, in the bathtub, or in a lovely location outside. Just make sure it's somewhere that you won't be disturbed. Ask yourself the following questions and listen deeply for the answers:

When am I happiest?

What really interests me? What draws my attention? Is it singing or creating art? Is it writing or fixing cars? Maybe it's playing on the computer, running marathons, or taking care of animals. What do I love to do?

What work excites me?

• Who are the people that attract me? Who are the people that I attract? With whom do I feel comfortable and safe in expressing myself?
• What books do I like to read? What movies do I like to see?

Continue to ask yourself questions, such as: Do I prefer the city or the country, skiing or basking in the sun? What colors do I prefer? What foods do I find most delicious? What music turns me on? What hobbies do I choose?

The answers to these questions are desires coming from your soul. Listen to them. Write them down or record them. Go beyond the first few automatic responses to tap into your deeper desires.

Read over your list.

Did anything surprise you? Were there things you hadn't thought of before?

Take control of your mind.

Our happiness depends on where we focus our minds. There are always things that we want and things that we don’t want, things that are present and things that are absent. The question is: where do we focus our thoughts? As you focus on what you do want and keep your attention there, new ideas will begin to surface to support you in fulfilling those desires.

Think about what you're grateful for.

As you take a moment to look inside with an open heart, ask: "To whom and for what am I grateful? Who offered me kindness today? Who supported me in something I needed or desired? Who contributed to me? Uplifted me? What inspired me? What did I see or hear that touched me?"

If none of this happened today, perhaps you can bring back a memory of when it did. Whether thinking about the past, present or future, your thoughts will create feelings -- think about the ones that make you smile and bring you pleasure. The more you think happy thoughts, the more happiness you will attract.

What I Wish I Knew When I Was in My 20s

How different would your life be if you knew then what you know now? Make sure you're living and putting into practice your wisdom now...today.

For Example, in My Own Life:

• I wish I had known that my first and most important relationship is with myself -- not my best friend, not my boyfriend or girlfriend, not the group I hung out with, and not even my parents. I wish I had known that my love for myself would fill me and that I don’t need to look to others to validate my worth.
• I wish I had known that life is an inside-out process and that everything I create and feel starts with what I believe.
• I wish I had known that my emotions are a real and powerful guidance system…..
• I wish I had known that when my desires source in my soul they are as important for me to respect as others’ desires.

Your Turn

Write down what you know now that you wish you'd known then. Once you do, be sure and live these truths on a daily basis.

Where are your thoughts focused this very moment?

On what is pleasing you or what is not? On success or failure? On what you have or what you don’t? Whether these thoughts are associated with the past, the present, or imagined in the future, your thoughts create your feelings.

Feel your feelings.

All of us experience a myriad of emotions daily. We easily accept happiness but frequently suppress and store sadness, fear and anger. That accumulation becomes an internal cloud cover, blocking the radiance of our souls. It is ours to take responsibility for and share these emotions in environments with people we trust. We should safely release our burdens with partners, friends, support groups or professional therapists, and allow your souls to shine.

Creating Connections Feed Our Souls

Whether connecting through intimate relationships, friendships or group associations, authentic connections offer us a huge source of happiness as we enjoy, accept and support each other in growing and taking adventurous new steps. Be sure you're putting energy into those important relationships.

Creating sustained happiness isn't easy. There are inner and outer resistances that make the process challenging. Some people who are important to you may not like the changes you are making. They fear the unknown and concern at how you will ever get through your emotional blocks. Yet the rewards are enormous! More than ever there are countless resources to support you on your journey.

And remember, every month is National Happiness Month, so let's celebrate!

About Jane Wyker:

In her memoir, Soul Selfish: The Awakening of a "Good Girl, Jane Wyker shares the vast experience of her 46-year inner journey. Working in over a dozen disciplines, she had the courage and faith to follow the guidance of many teachers and, ultimately, her own soul. Now 82, and still learning, she models a life prioritizing happiness that sources from within. A graduate of Cornell University and former elementary school teacher, Jane was a pioneer in parent education. This led her to her family counseling practice that dealt with marriage, parenting, self-development, career and loss. She presented seminars in Fortune 500 companies, raised four children, managed a thriving career, and pursued her own spiritual growth. Jane saw that when selfish enough to live from her soul her love and wisdom began to flow. She believes that is true for all of us.