The Discussion of a Lifetime

The room is crowded. Everyone is dressed in black. It seems the effort to smile is short lived as any laughter follows a few tears. Everyone seems to be collecting their thoughts as much as possible. The hors d’oeuvres on the dining table have barely been touched with the exception of the cookies cousin Tara’s 6-year-old daughter keeps snatching when she thinks no one is looking. The alcohol on the other hand seems to be disappearing rather quickly. There is a man with his head down sitting at the end of a long cherrywood table. His wife Mia gently rubs his back as he struggles to cry in silence. He manages to compose himself only a moment as he lifts his head.

“I should have called more, I thought I had more time!” he cries as his voice cracks. He turns his head away.

“I know honey.” Mia whispers.

Solana Miles stands by the window on the opposite side of the room to watch the rain. She turns to glance at her cousin Nathan as he cries at the table but quickly looks back out the window. Part of her wants to comfort Nathan, part of her is annoyed. She shakes her head as her thoughts anger her.

“The nerve.” She thinks to herself. “You live 30 minutes away from your mother and never once came by to help let alone call even when she was struggling. Now you feel guilty!?”

Solana almost cries from her anger but manages to shake the feeling like she always does. She doesn’t like to cry. She has always been the strong one after all. She wants to take care of everyone and asks nothing for herself. She starts thinking about cousin Nathans situation and allows her heart to understand him a little more. He loved his mother, but he is also a very competitive man. He was always working and providing for his family. He made every game for his children despite frequent travel. He wanted to be the opposite of his Dad so much that it made him forget the simple things. The things that require little effort but mean the world when time is lost. A simple call, text, or occasional visit to let someone know you care. Solana looks back at him again as he wipes his tears and takes a drink. They make eye contact. He gives Solana a gentle smile. She sees the despair is his red watery eyes.

“How are you kiddo?” he asks.

Solana smiles and nods. “I’m ok cousin”.

“Thank you for everything you did.” he states as his voice cracks again.

Solana feels awkward as he looks away again. She makes eye contact with Mia who gives a reassuring nod that he will be ok. Solana remains by the window as visitors leave and give their final condolences. She’s thinking about all her time spent with Aunt Esther and what she will do with her life that never feels right. Aunt Esther had a way of making her feel all would be well in due time, but now that she was gone the doubts started flooding back in.

Aunt Esther’s longtime friend and Lawyer Michael stayed behind to inform some family of their inheritance. While no one is surprised Solana is there, Solana feels awkward. She feels it should be between Aunt Esther’s only Son and surviving siblings. In the end of it all, the home, various belongings as well as money were split among immediate family. Solana was shocked to discover Aunt Esther left her $20,000.

Sometime later Solana leaves only to stand in the rain by her car deep in thought. It had been a really rough year financially especially with Aunt Esther’s rapidly declining health. Solana was really relieved to have some money but still didn’t want to accept she was no less deserving then the rest of the family. Just as she snaps out of it and opens her car door. She hears Michael yelling from the distance.

“Solana! Solana!” he runs and nearly falls on he wet slippery grass as he crosses the yard to reach Solana faster. Michael looks good for his age but has seen many years. He is so out of breath from the short run he can barely talk once he reaches her.

“Michael...is everything alright?” Solana asks. She is concerned but partially amused by the sight of Michael running. She smiles as she places her hand on his shoulder. Michael bends over placing his hands on his knees a moment to catch his breath, then lifts himself back up.

“Remind me….to never do that again.” He states before taking another breath.

“Ok” Solana chuckles. “What’s going on?”

Michael pulls a large folded envelope out of his coat pocket and hands it to Solana.

“I’m sorry I’m going to be out of town for several weeks and wanted to make sure you got this. Your Aunt wanted me to hand this only to you in private. She didn’t want the others to be aware and said this is yours and only yours.”

“What is it?” Solana asked.

“I don’t know honey. She put it in the envelope herself.” he hands Solana the envelope. Michael looks teary eyed as he adds “You’re a good kid Solana. She loved you so much. I wish you the best ok?”

“Thanks Michael.” Solana hugs him immediately so he doesn’t see her emotions take over her face. He then gently helps her into the car and offers a fatherly plea to drive safe as he begins to close the door.

“I will thank you.” She says.

Solana fell back into her thoughts so much; she didn’t even remember the drive home. She immediately puts the kettle on and places the envelope on the table. “What could this be about?” she asks herself. She opens the letter to find a handwritten letter by her Aunt and a little black notebook. It’s very old but well kept. There are no words written inside. She opens her Aunts letter and takes a deep breath before reading.

Dear Solana,

My Sweet baby girl! If you are reading this that means my time has passed. Words will never express how much I love you and how grateful I am for you. I was blessed with a wonderful family, but it is rare in these times to know someone with a heart as pure as yours. You expect nothing but give everything. You are genuine in your happiness for others and your sorrow. You are a good person. You are a pure heart which is why I am giving you this book. This book will give you a once in a lifetime opportunity to speak to someone you would normally not get to speak to. It cannot be me because we had our time. Whoever you see it will be what who you need most, just like it gave me what I needed when given to me long ago. Hold the book to your heart. When your time comes to pass it along it must go to someone with a pure heart. I love you. I hope we see each other again.

Love,

Aunt Esther

Solana fights her tears once again and places the letter back on the table. She stares at the book only for a moment. If anyone else told her something like this she would write them off as crazy, however she never questioned much from Aunt Esther. She wiped her eyes and held the book to her heart. She closed her eyes and sniffled as she kept her emotions in. Just then. A soft gentle voice.

“Hello”

Solana’s eyes popped wide open. She saw a woman and a man that she recognized right away from an old photo as well as several others standing there she had never seen. Solana stood up with such speed her chair fell over. Her heart felt as though it was in her throat but only for a moment.

“Don’t be afraid.” The woman assured.

“It’s ok” The man beside her added.

Solana grabbed her chair and slowly sat back down.

“You’re…you’re my great-great grandparents.” Solana said timidly.

“Yes, darling, my aren’t you beautiful. Those eyes been around for generations it seems. Those are my mother’s eyes, you see?” She points to the woman behind her.

It was then Solana realized she is looking at generations of ancestors. Her great grandparents were born into slavery. The first to be born in the united states. While they were in plain clothing. Those that stood behind them were wearing paint and tribal clothing of various colors. The women had intricate hair designs with several jewels and beads. Solana had to remind herself mentally to take a breath.

“I, I-I’ve always wished I could speak to you. To know who you were, your names and to show you how things are now.”

Everyone looked at each other then smiled back at Solana. Her great grandparents spoke of underground railroad and learning how to read in the forest at night. They described some terrible things yet were at peace with their life. There was no more pain or sadness for them anymore. Solana spoke about black doctors and lawyers, businessmen, inventors and people of various backgrounds working side by side together. She spoke of Martin Luther king and Malcom X. She showed a picture of her best friend who had blond hair and blue eyes. Solana spoke of how each and every decade inspired the next generation to do more but there were still some people filled with hate. Solana showed the ancestors every picture or book she could find in her home as they all smiled in awe of her.

Solana’s oldest ancestor to appear spoke a language she never heard her entire life, yet she understood every word he said. He described the village during the Jolof Empire that would be considered Senegalese territory today. He told her the family last name, Ndiaye. He spoke of warriors and builders. Other ancestors joyfully showed Solana the meaning of the paint and jewelry they wore. They sang songs and made sure Solana remembered every word. Solana danced and laughed with them all completely forgetting just how extraordinary this moment was. The sunrise was beginning to shine through the windows. They had been talking all night. Solana’s grandmother grabbed her hand.

“It’s almost time for us to go.” She said

“I don’t want you to.” Solana whimpered.

“We must my love. We lived our time. We lived it so that you could live yours. You must do the same. We had everything in our way to stop us, yet we still lived. You have everything you need in front of you but won’t grab it. You can be anything you want to be don’t waste it. If you want a business own a business. If you want to travel the world see the world. It’s ok to love others but love yourself first. Always make time for you. There will always be risks, and a little pain. but you keep going, understand?”

“Yes” Solana smiles as her eyes welled up with tears.

She looks at all the other ancestors as they smile at her. She knows they are proud. She feels a greater sense of purpose and a deeper understanding of who she is. The sun shines brighter in her living room. She hears the songs she sang from centuries old, her family name and their whispers to live as they all gently fade away into the suns beam. The house is silent. Solana is standing alone in her living room and surprised to see she is still holding the book tight against her chest. She takes a deep breath and falls to her knees.

“Thank you….Thank You.” She cried.

In that moment she seemed to cry every tear she ever held in. She cried for a good while, but when she stood again. She was finally ready to live her life.