Surviving my genes.

Summer of 1976, end of June, a Mexican American couple living in central LA will welcome their 7th and final child, a little girl who they named, Dominga. Dominga was the youngest of 7 girls. 3 of whom actually shared the same mother and father. The 4 older girls had a differed father but all shared the same mother. The were a lower class family, living in a 3 bedroom home in the barrio. Dominga’s parents are originally from Idaho, and moved to California in hope of finding work in the City. After having 7 children they realized there wasn’t enough work in LA to live comfortably so they sold their house and moved back to BlackFoot Idaho and bought 10 acres of land and decided that’s where they would finish raising their children. Jacob and Marie Ramirez (Dominga’s parents) would live a traditional Mexican lifestyle, they were catholic and Jacob had the final say in any decision. Jacob was very loyal to the church, he was what you would call a very important servant of God and he made sure his daughters were just as loyal. His daughters were only allowed to wear skirts or dresses that covered from neck, wrists and ankles. They were to wear vails over their heads at all times and they were not allowed to be entertained by anything outside of the church or in other worlds, anything worldly. Jacob even timed how long they were allowed to use the restroom. He was a very strict father and he believed in very tough forms of discipline but in reality he was just very abusive. Jacob was hiding a very big secret that would soon become very public. Fast-forward to 1987 an 8th child would be welcomed into the Ramirez family but this child’s arrival would be the beginning of the end of this family’s powerful reputation. If you remember earlier I said that Marie had 4 older daughters whom she did not share with Jacob, Yolanda, Lorel, Grace and Sally. Sally was 16 by the time Marie married Jacob and she soon left the home to live with her grandmother. Yolanda was 13 when Dominga was born, Lorel was 12 and grace was 10. Between the time Dominga was born and 1987 Jacob would start pursuing a relationship with Yolanda. Yolanda being just a child and knowing that Jacob was not her father, she truly believed there was nothing wrong with her step father making sexual advances to her. Jacob treated her differently from the rest of the girls, he wasn’t abusive, he wasn’t strict and he would often bring her gifts. Marie was aware of the relationship between her daughter and her husband, out of fear of being beaten by her husband or him beating her other children, Marie looked away every time. By the time Yolanda was 15 she was regularly having sex with Jacob and often sleeping in the bed once shared between her mother and her step father. Yolanda was so brainwashed that she truly thought she was in love with Jacob. She would draw out fake marriage licenses with her name next to his, “ Jacob & Yolanda Ramirez”. Soon the rest of the girls would catch on to how much time Jacob would spend alone with Yolanda, never did the girls know the extent of this time spent together until late December of 1987 a baby girl would be born, Celia. Celia’s birth caught the attention of the church very quickly as they noticed that they never knew Marie was pregnant, but however they did notice the absence of Jacobs oldest daughter, Yolanda. All of the Ramirez children were very involved in the church, so for one to just disappear for say.. 9 months caught the attention of the elders in the congregation. Very quickly rumors were spreading that Yolanda had a child out of wedlock and the church was scrambling to figure out who could’ve sinned against God and created a child with Yolanda. The rumors were confirmed when Yolanda returned to church with a noticeable difference in her weight. The elders were questioning every young man in the church and encouraging fathers to talk amongst their families to figure out who got her pregnant. It wasn’t until a surprised visit from the Sunday school teacher, Sister Susie that they would find out Jacob fathered his step daughters child. Sister Susie arrived one afternoon to drop off gifts for Marie, only to see a intimate moment between Jacob and Yolanda through the living room window. Not only was she shocked to see the pair kissing but so openly with no concern of who might by watching, and to see Marie preparing a meal in the kitchen with no care of what was going on feet away from her. It was quickly brought to the elders attention that Jacob was the father, he lost his position in the church and his reputation was quickly tarnished. When Jacob found out the truth was out he took his wife and kids to the church so that he may repent for what he had done, but it was far to late. The congregation started shouting words at the Ramirez family and completely shunned them. Everyone had known of the vile sin Jacob committed before God. The family was banned from the church, never allowed to step foot again. However they remained in Blackfoot, Marie raised the infant as her own, Yolanda moved out and was married to a man by the time she was 17 leaving behind the child she shared with Jacob.

Fastward to when Dominga turned 18, she was given a plane ticket and $40 and told to go start new and spread Gods word in California. This was an act Jacob had done to all the girls when they came of age. All except Ceila, she was more spoiled then Yolanda ever was. Ceila was the apple of Jacobs eye and he didn’t care who knew how she was conceived. Jacob still clung to his faith and portrayed himself as still a loyal servant of Jesus. Although out of the 8 girls, only one would remain loyal to their faith, the rest would never step foot in a church again. Dominga flew to California where she would meet her Husband “Junior” and be married that following year. Junior and Dominga had 3 children between 1998-2001. In October of 2001, Jacob would die of Ovarian Cancer. They had no funeral for him, thinking that if they did no one would show up for him. Quickly after Jacob died, Marie let her faith die with her husband and started living freely and wasted no time dating. All except Dominga remained in Blackfoot, Jacob left the land and the house to Ceila.

Dominga was very defensive of her Father and her faith, she rarely spoke of the relationship between Jacob and Yolanda but she kept in touch with her mother and sisters. It was the biggest kept secret from all the grandchildren that would soon be born into the family. In total Marie has 64 grandchildren & great grandchildren, including Celia’s children. The fallout with the church caused Jacob to look at every person outside his home, with hate. He would talk about their clothes, their skin and their position in life. Jacob became very racist and very abusive shortly after Ceila was born. Rather creating fear in Dominga, it fueled her to become like her father, who she admired very much. Dominga was very racist and often very rude, she thought she was better than everyone and she made it known. She played the Christian lady card but she would let it slip when she was in the heat of the moment. Domingas oldest, Agostine would follow in his mothers and grandfathers foot step, carrying the same hate within his heart. Agostine only didn’t see eye to eye when it came to faith, he did however get the favor of his mother, he was very spoiled. Marietta, the second child born to Dominga was born with a gentle heart, she knew early on that her mother would be no role model. Natalie, the youngest of the 3, she never understood the faith and always struggled to have the relationship she was taught to have. She was the “trouble maker” of the bunch, she would sneak out to see boys and often lie to her parents. Junior and Dominga tried to remain strict with their daughters but it would fail every time with Natalie.

Natalie was very clear spoken when it came to why she couldn’t have a healthy relationship with her parents. She endured abuse, and sexual assault while growing up. She was 6 when she was raped by her cousin, she was 8 when she heard her mom say “black people smell like wet dog” and she was 10 when her brother Agostine beat the shit out of her and faced no consequences from her parents. Natalie hated her family, it was the only hate she had in her. She knew her parents failed to protect her and failed to be appropriate examples of Christian’s, that pushed her farther from wanting any part of the church. Natalie was 14 when she became sexually active with boys, and by the time she was 16 she was on a path that could’ve lead her to time served behind bars. Natalie was always in fights in school and at home. One day Natalie decided she needed to change how she was living, because the only one who would suffer was going to be her. When she turned 18 she moved out and never returned. She only kept in contact with her sister.

Present day Natalie still remains having no contact to her parents or brother. She’s married with 2 little boys, and married to a wonderful man. She’s still healing from her childhood and the weight of being born into a abusive, racist and violent family. She has made it her life mission to ensure her kids love everything and everyone. She writes about different points in her upbringing and brings light onto those who want to escape the environment they are born into.

Natalie always says “You don’t have the be a product of your environment, you can always find new light”. I was given details of her story to share with you. Natalie was 4th generation, but she was the first and only to break the cycle of abuse and racism.

This is a message to everyone out here, you do not have to be a product of your environment. Especially if that environment is only creating more hate, don’t be afraid to start fresh and to start alone. I hope this story helps someone keep going and aim for a better life.