Stop Worrying About The Sh*t You Can’t Change!

There's one harsh reality that many of us (including me) refuse to accept: you have no control over a lot of things that take place in your place. People who try and take control of every aspect of their lives come across as control freaks. They micromanage (literally everything), refuse to delegate tasks (out of fear of unfinished work), and try to force other people to change (to their way of life and thinking). By behaving in this manor they think they'll be able to prevent bad things happening to them.

On the other hand you have people who know they can't stop bad things happening to them but waste a lot of time and energy worrying. Everything from natural disasters to deadly diseases will have these people fretting. You need to remember, worrying won't change anything.

If you find yourself wasting time worrying about things you can't control, below are a few points that help reduce your worry:

1. Know the difference between the shit you can and can't change. You can't control the fact that there's a huge hurricane coming, but you can control how you prepare for it. Instead of wasting energy in to what damage the storms going to cause, put the energy in to preparing for when the storm arrives. You can deal with everything else later.

Sometimes, the only thing you can control is your effort and attitude towards a situation. You'll find yourself being more effective when you decide to put your energy in to the things you can control.

2. Focus on the influence you can have on people. Remember you can't force things to go your way. For example. you can influence your child to get good grades by giving them the right amount of tuition, getting them the best revision guides and so on however; you can't force them to get the good grades you want them to get.

Set yourself healthy boundaries, become a better role model to those around you, focus on changing your behaviour. You'll find yourself having better influence on others better. FOCUS ON YOURSELF! Don't be concerned about other people's choices. You can voice your opinion, but only do it ONCE. Don't waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't want to be fixed.

3. My biggest fear was dropping out of university and ending up broke for the rest of my life. This was the catastrophic outcome that I was predicting. However, the worst-case scenario that I was envisioning wasn't that bad after all (read blog "The stigma of mental health in young men").

Identify your fears. What is it that your afraid of? Are you foreseeing a disastrous outcome of a particular scenario? Most of the time, the worst case scenario isn't as bad as it may seem. Many people are actually stronger than they think. Always presume that you'll be able to handle the worst case scenario. For example, instead of thinking "Damn! I can't let my business fail!" you should ask yourself "Okay, IF my business fails, what's my next move going to be?" Thinking this way will help put energy in to more productive exercise instead of it being wasted on fearing the worst case scenario.

4. Instead of stressing over a problem, it's always best to find a solution to the problem. We all know it not healthy to keep repeating the problem over and over again in our heads. You should always make sure your thinking is productive. For example, if your problem is to find a way to get successful then carry on trying to find a solution. You're being productive over the problem.

On the other hand, if you find yourself wasting time and repeating the problem again and again in your head, find a way to change the channel in your brain. Go do something, take your mind off the problem. Get your brain to focus on something that's more productive.

5. Create yourself an effective plan that will help you manage your stress levels. Getting plenty of sleep, eating health, and exercising are just some of the fundamental ways of looking after yourself. The best way to operate efficiently is by finding a way to manage your stress.

Start meditating, meet up with some friends, or even preoccupy yourself with a hobby (if you don't have a hobby go find one). Always pay attention to your stress levels. At the same time notice how you react with distress. Try and eliminate all unhealthy coping strategies such as complaining to others. Instead of complaining about your problems and set-backs why not change the topic and talk about everything that you have currently succeeded? Start speaking about your success instead of your failures.

6. Promote healthy declarations. I tend to use two phrases. One for when I need to take action, and the other for when I need to calm myself down. The first one is I can do it. Whenever I catch myself saying something like, "I hope I can do this," I remind myself, "I can do this." It reminds me that I'm in control of my actions.

Then, when I find myself thinking about something I have no control over, like, "I hope it isn't cold tomorrow," I tell myself, I can handle it. Those quick little phrases keep me from wasting my time on things I can't control. I'll either do what I can to make it happen or deal with the things I have no control over.