Stop Searching For Proof To Justify Your Story

We tell stories to our friends, our children, and our partners. 

Sometimes we even tell stories to ourselves.

It's a deeply ingrained part of who we are as humans. We were created to question the world. Our minds are always searching for ways to explain our surroundings. 

We tell them because we don't want to think about how life turned out. We have finally carved out a safe place - a routine in our lives. We tell them so we don't have to take risks or make changes.

At first, we tell ourselves a story to help us feel better about our decisions.

Sometimes the stories aren't exactly true, but we need to believe they are true.

We need the stories to justify how we act. We get to keep our view of the world if it matches our story. We think the story is probably true and then we repeat it so many times that we are sure it must be true.

Justification

Eventually, we are so sure the stories are true that we look for evidence.

We look for proof to justify the stories.

We forget anything else could be possible. We don't want to consider the possibility that we could choose another way of living, a way where we could do what makes us feel happy and alive.

"Sneaky thoughts that perpetuate stories will kill my aliveness in a second."-Seducing Aliveness, 2017

Our minds continuously look for patterns; now they look for proof. The mind looks for things that fit the stories, instead of asking what is possible now. We make up stories that deny the way things really are.

We deny what is happening in our lives and makeup reasons for why things are the way they are.

Denial stories let us continue to do the same Aliveness Killing things we always do. These are the kinds of things that don't let us experiment with life. They are judgments separating us from other people.

"Is that true, or is that a story I'm perpetuating and gathering evidence for?"-Seducing Aliveness, 2017

We refuse to walk through the door of possibilities. We are so embedded in our stories that we dismiss the possibilities. We are too busy gathering evidence for our stories. We don't see any other way to live.

Are you asking 'what else is possible?' or are you saying 'this is what I get, I guess I should be happy with it?'

Judgment

Judgment is a way that we use to try and create connections. Most people feel safe in sameness and seek others that are similar to themselves. Most of what we call connection is actually based on judgment.

People who are different are often judged as being wrong or bad.

When we judge someone, that creates separation. Your judgment doesn't make you right about your beliefs, they are just different. When we drop the judgment, we can observe a person more impartially. When you don't make them wrong or bad, you don't create that separation and can observe without trying to make them change.

Even if they are being an ass-hat, you are able to remain curious and see their orientation to life and observe how they behave in the world. You don't feel the need to try and change them when you don't have judgment, you have allowance for who they are.

Allowance is the lube to change and the antidote to judgment.

Do you ask for judgment?

When you are constantly seeking validation from others, you are not trusting yourself to know what is right for you. If you trust yourself, you aren't as invested in what others are being or doing. and you aren't trying to change yourself or change what others do. You aren't trying to validate your self worth by asking for external judgment.

If you try to buy into someone else's version of how to be or what to do in your life, you aren't living in your aliveness.

Our relationship with aliveness is based a lot on our orientation to life and if you're oriented toward judgment, you're creating a reality of right and wrong, good and bad; a reality of separation.

Say no to judgment and yes to aliveness.

You will be happy you did.

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This story also appears on Medium by Tree Langdon, the author.