So, if you find yourself on those dating apps, stay strong.

I have grown leaps and bounds as a person who was once insecure, lonely, and dependent on others opinion for my worthiness on this earth. I have spent over a decade making mistakes, finding mentors, and investing in my personal growth. Life has knocked me on my ass, or I should say - I let it.

I allowed people, situations, and my critical opinion of myself to punish me as if I was not good enough to experience happiness.

I understand that in those questioning moments, that I needed to unhook and recoil into myself for the answers instead of looking outside.

I knew when there was a blip in the road, and I started to ask for others’ opinions – that’s when I knew I was on the wrong path.

If I felt rejected in any way, I spiraled. The executioner was standing in the forefront of my mind telling me something was wrong with me, telling me I didn’t deserve the happiness and love I see other people have. The intrusive dark murderer always came at those lonely times in my life, pointing out the years of struggle and the cycle of failed relationships. The guillotine would suddenly come across my feed with limitless posts on social media from the abundantly happy people. What is wrong with me?

And there you have it - the bullshit lie that I told myself!

Perhaps feeling rejected triggered a feeling of abandonment from the past that I never really got over. I see that now, and that is growth! Even when the thought came over my mind, I allowed myself to feel lousy but not stay there.

I have grown, I have learned, and I am worthy!

Often, we invest in finding a better job, we invest in becoming healthy, we invest in finding a home – and we actively pursue habits to make these things happen in our lives; we go back to school/interviews, we eat better/exercise, we look at homes – so why not go on a dating app and invest in finding a relationship? Don’t you get tired of hearing when the time is right you will find someone, or it will happen when you are not looking. Why wouldn’t we be proactive with the most important thing in our life, love?

Here is why, they are a perfect set up for failure, self-doubt, and filled with a runaway train of emotional ups and downs that amount to nothing! I am not saying that it doesn’t work for some, but the value we put on someone we have never met when they ghost us or reject us is ridiculous! We start to question every aspect of ourselves based on the lack of respect another individual showed us. I mean really, it’s kind of funny! You see someone, they look attractive, they have qualities written down that draw you in, and you push like – it’s a match! Messages go back and forth, and then you exchange numbers.

The conversation is great, you're excited for the first time in a long time. You make plans to meet! Everything feels good, you are looking forward to this moment, and then poof!! That’s right, nothing! You scroll back through texts questioning where things went south – nothing appears bad at all; in fact, the conversation was wonderful.

And here is where the spiraling comes in.

Maybe I’m ugly, maybe I’m too old, maybe they read something, maybe, maybe, maybe – STOP!!! This is that moment when all of your hard work needs to punch that executioner in the face and replace it with conscious positive talk – almost like a quarter back calling an important play to his teammates. Recite that play over and over in your head until you believe it! It really isn’t you! There is not one damn thing wrong with you! Let that shit go! Think of it as God weeding out the bad ones! He is seeing how you will weather this storm because if you fester in those self-doubt thoughts, you will have proven to yourself that you are not ready – you are once again placing your value in someone else. Haven’t you come too far for that? Haven’t you learned from your past that however badly you were treated, had more to do with the other person, and not you?

At the end of the day, isn’t it wasted energy? Life goes by in a blink – allow the good in. I’m not saying take yourself off the dating app, but if someone doesn’t pan out – thank God for editing your life to make room for the right one. Put one foot in front of the other and prepare for that amazing person who is meant for you.

So, if you find yourself on those dreaded dating apps, stay strong – if they are meant for you, they will find you there.