Quit being a victim, stop complaining

From personal experience, making the fundamental choice to be a creator allowed me to pursue a calling, build a life around serving people in a way that makes the best use of my talents and strengths.

Life felt more authentic and fulfilling, and I was no longer questioning whether I’m reaching my potential or supposed to be elsewhere, doing or being something else. By seeing myself as a creator, I understood that no matter what happens in life, I can bring about the outcome that I want.

This is not about denying circumstance or reality. In fact, it’s the opposite.

Focused and anchored

Whatever things look like today, I keep my eyes on a future outcome. This shows me the gap between where I am and where I want to be. This creates a tension which helps me seek out and prioritise the actions that will help me resolve it. The more honestly I assess the present, the more I’m able to work with this tension.

If today is not a pretty sight, I don’t automatically lament about it. In fact, it was this need to stop complaining about life that led me to the happy discovery and choice of being a creator. It’s the opposite of being a victim. It’s also the opposite of being reactive to life, whereby I only see possibilities based on what life presents.

If you limit your choice only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise

- Robert Fritz

As a creator, possibilities are not confined to what is offered by what is presented to them. Think of it as choosing what’s on the menu versus having something in mind and asking the waiter if the chef can make it.

I don’t say this to be arrogant. For a creator, the possibility is still open. They will consider it and find ways to make it happen. Working with the restaurant, waiter and chef is part of that way. If the answer is no, they peg it to experience but they won’t necessarily stop trying. If they like the restaurant, they might strike up a friendship with the staff to understand the situation better.

Learning fast

It’s not about being right, either. It’s about not being fixed, resigned or cynical. It is about believing in their right to wonder, experiment and discover. A creator learns, and the best among them learn well and fast by continuously experimenting. On the outside, this might look like making mistakes but often these mistakes aren’t terrible.

I’ve written about making fundamental choices before. Fundamental choices can be based on values or purpose and are so impactful that done right you can really let them take the wheel, because your actions, thinking and energy will naturally be driven in that direction.

Taking deliberate steps

Once you’ve made a fundamental choice, play with it. Flexing it in this way helps to solidify the foundations you’ve set. Here’s how:

• Specify actions you will take based on your fundamental choices. If you can take one of those actions in the next 24 hours, all the better.

• Practice making decisions based on the results you want. You might find it works well and it’s as if your intuition is getting stronger. But there will also be times when you get it wrong. Mistakes are meant to happen so you start to learn and become better at discerning quickly and with confidence. Start with small decisions and don’t linger too much. Whatever the outcome, make note and evaluate the experience to deliberately learn from it.

• Revisit your intended result, vision and fundamental choice. Can they be further clarified? Are they still true or did you discover a conflicting value or goal along the way? If they still stand, continue to use them as a reference point for all your activities.

• Talk about your commitment often. By expressing our values and purposes in conversations, others often become empowered to do the same. Such honest exchanges can have a significant effect on the people around you.

• Garner support. Even more powerful is being able to practise living out and reviewing your fundamental and primary choices in a supportive environment. Formally recruit an accountability buddy, work with a coach or join a mastermind group with this intention in mind. Meet with them regularly, review honestly and watch your life transform.

• Reward yourself. The best type is internal or intrinsic rewards. Give yourself a pat on the back for keeping a self-promise. This helps to nourish clarity and gives you the energy to keep going.

• Remember to have fun! This is the most important one in my book. Nothing like checking off boxes to make me gleeful. Staying open and curious is also more encouraging. If you think you’ve failed, you’re right. If you think the outcome of that decision was interesting.. you get the drift.

The Change starts with You

The power of fundamental choices can be harnessed to motivate and sustain change. Once we really grasp what we’re capable of achieving, things will start to shift. This is what embracing our potential means. Something changes for others, too.

Often, our enthusiasm and new ways of being rub off on the people around us. People notice how real you’re being in the way you carry yourself. You also start to have honest conversations with people, which is an effect of being able to see reality for what it is. As they see us become living symbols of our dreams or purpose, they are moved in subtle ways. Our presence disrupts old routines. Each environment we are a part of begins to change.

It’s a happy consequence to our new state of being.