Preserving Kindness in a Busy World: We Are All Connected

Three times in the last two months I have almost been run over by someone else's car. Every time a customer who was running near me had to move abruptly and pass by, it was clear that he was upset by the obstacle, which was me.

While this was unpleasant, I can understand the sense of urgency of that shopper. Buying food is one of my favorite activities. I focus on my list, sometimes while talking on the phone, and then act very quickly.

It has always been busy and stressful to distract us from each other. Now with the proliferation of smart phones, there are requests that we always pay attention to our hands, pulling us away from the people in front of us.

If I focus only on my needs and myself, too, I don’t know the people around me.

I used to take my grandmother to the store, where she was still determined to buy her. Long-term suffering from emphysema, has taken a lot of energy to wear and continue such visits.

When he rode his scooter while I was walking in tandem, he always smiled at the ladies behind the deli counter remembering his name. In the test, too, the clerks saw him and will say how nice it was to see him. At one point another customer looked at him and shared a friendly greeting.

In those moments I could see the smallness of my grandmother, who played as she bounced back and forth, longing to hear that connection again.

I have felt abundant gratitude for these small acts of kindness. These people could easily have gone about their day without pausing to let the weak woman know. Such a small effort for them became a high point that would set the tone throughout my grandmother’s day.

The reason he persisted in his purchase was not the independence of getting his own groceries; it was a shared personality that he encountered in these small acts of kindness.

Conversations with vendors and a few customers who smiled and greeted him rekindled his spirits more than anything I could offer on my own.

In the production phase recently I was thinking about my mental shopping list when it comes to a woman. He paused to look at the heads of red lettuce leaves. Then he turned to me and shone,

"Aren't they just beautiful ?!"

He gladly took it and continued shopping. As I stood for a moment in front of the lettuce I saw that they were very tasty. And with a smile.

In simple, refreshing comments the woman shared with me my confession.

He saw me, confirmed the experience we shared, and thought that I, too, would appreciate the beauty set before us.

My life is full. I don't want friendship in the store.

But in that simple exchange I was reminded that we are all connected.

I recently learned that “among our strongest motivations is the desire to build and maintain social relationships.” (Baumerstein and Leary.) We are living beings. No matter how busy or independent we are, our actions affect others.

With that in mind, while I was in the grocery store today I made a few changes.

Slow down.

I was moving at a steady pace. There is no speeding down the routes.

At the edge of the fridge a young woman in the refrigerator asked for help. This never happened while I was running on the streets. I was glad to be able to meet her needs.

Be careful.

Looking around I was interacting with a lot of people. I lived far away from my phone.

In the hallway, I met a woman with two small children, and I smiled.

Stay tuned.

When I left, the elderly gentleman in front of me turned in disbelief. During eye contact he began a conversation about his late wife. It was a short exchange that would not have happened if I had checked my email on my smart phone.

I will never know how these small acts of kindness affected someone today. But I know I have respected my interactions with those people I don't know by being fully present at those times.

Being open to others can take us out of our busy, busy lives for a while. But in doing so we respect the value of nature for ourselves and others. And no one is left feeling like a rush in the living room.