Poe 'Vices

Introducing Poe ‘Vices: Life Advice You Definitely Didn’t Ask For or Need.

From chaos gremlin to cosmic counsellor, Poe (The infinite, scream-Beam) is now solving your deepest problems with her signature style: shouting, biting things, and chicken, obvs. Fools.

New column every Friday.

Send your questions. Regret nothing. Eat the chickens.

#CatAdvice #QueerCats #UnderlandChronicles #ChickenTherapy #PoeVices #TheKittyChronicles #Poedivine

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RE: Trans and Tired in Tampa

Dear Poe,

My father built had a minion build a rocket. Then, he set fire to me. He brought empires, manipulated markets and people. He launches cars into space and procreates like a rabbit in April after a dry spell. To the world, he’s a visionary. To me? He’s just a twat who can't keep his penis in his pants. I’ve burned the bridge he won't stop pissing on. And what's more, people revere him. It makes me sick. How am I suppose to live in a world that celebrates men like him?

Yours in silent fury,

Trans and Tired

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Poe-plies:

Dear RE: Trans and Tired in Tampa,

HA! So your papa be a regulars Tom about town. I met me some some of thems. They wiry little barstewards.

Bared wiredy. Lemme tells you.

Struttings with their tails .

They just be phallus with a Wi-Fi signals.

He don’ts be likes youz pronounssis. Then should have keepsis tail in his asehole. No?

You is burning right nows but soons you be do risings like phoenixes. Or even betters.

Like chickens.

He can be do building minions with the towers and putting cars in the spaces. WAIT.

WHAT? He sended big metal giant into gravities? 🤯😂😹😹😹😹

HA! That be dumb fuckery. Someones gonna have big headaches. Me (Poe) even Iz knows that gravities don’t be do floaty floaty forevers.

What goesis ups.

Must comes down.

Like hairballs.

Goesis in…

then goesis out. Science. No?

And look. See. You is you and youz pronounsis be little bits of you so if he do be do see the reals you then sashays aways my friends. He not worths the litters you shits in. Not the bushes you be do the pees. The ends.

He can trademarks the stars but my fwiend, he can’t be do barcodes to you.

I has a bar codes tho. Coz mummy says no barby bardy for mez (Poe). I think she be do rights coz that stuffs don’t soundis like anythings funs to mez (Poe) Better to eats the chickens and dreams of

You walkid aways with you tickleable chins heldid high up. You gots soul kid. And sould be betters than nones.

Rights.

Here is what you do:

Raises your leftist paw withs me. Repeat.

He maybe have slaves be do build him a rocket, but I made myselfs.

Also? Eat the rich. They eats goods chickens. And good chickens cures everythings,

Yesterdays I got the chicken’s stocks. It was so ‘licious. You should drinks it to. Likes medicines for rockets mens.

You is you and you is brilliants. ‘K? Don’t be do forgets it.

Poe

Empress of Self-Definition

Defender of the Unfathered

Paw of Vengeance

Destroyer of Data Dads

🐾

📧 Send me more 'fusions: [email protected]

ALso PPS:

🍗 Buy Poes (mez) a Chickens. Pleez

And I has new products...Ranges do be expandings coz some dadsiz be bad. Bads means makes things to cures the badss. No?

This 'vices was be 'riginally published on my mommasis blogs. Wait no. Mys (Poe) blogsis. HA. Heres: