Passion to Profit !? ( I dream of creating MY OWN : self-generated; self-sustaining source of income. SOMEHOW? )

Heard many times ,it said IN RESPONSE to the Question: What should I do with my life? Start with a passion. Do what you love...

WHAT INTRIGUES YOU? What interests do you have, THAT ALWAYS FILLS YOU WITH EXCITEMENT & a smile every time you see, hear it? Powerful elation feelings...

I do believe it's true. Turn to the things you light up inside about-- This is where purpose lives. WITHIN your passions...

Yes!

I have always felt at odds with the typical mindset of the majority of people; IN my own family / friends circle, and many total strangers I see on tv. Why are they all collectively resigned to accept the idea... 'NEED TO MAKE MONEY. I'll do any job I can get hired on, EVEN IF I HATE IT! Have to, I NEED THE MONEY'

OOH SO SAD! I cringe in disgust...This , 'WE MUST ALWAYS DO WHAT WE MUST'! What we truly want be damned! YUCK!

I'd rather ENJOY what I'm doing / follow my passions. But HOW DO I USE THESE TO CREATE AN INCOME? --- I mean , How do I make a sustainable one; ONE THAT I CAN ACTULALLY SUPPORT MYSELF , to become, Fully Independent of financial assistance?

A Bit of Background melded into current circumstances!

Since around the age of 5 years old, when mom signed me up: I've lived, reliant on public assistance programs. Yes, Thankful for this because, WITHOUT this aid, I would not have survived nor afforded the handful of of wheelchairs I've fortunately been blessed to receive.

My first wheelchair was actually a loaner, I was blessed to use at age 6 yrs. It was provided to me, courtesy of my school, from special education department /classroom I was enrolled in ( Exclusively, through elementary school : Untill fully mainstreamed in the 10th grade *As education system determined. -Me: I put was 2 years behind. 2 years older than my classmates- EMBARRASSING!!* ). I FINALLY got my own wheelchair (Paid for by Medicaid), around 8 years old. Wanna say it cost at least $4,000, even back in 1988! FAST Forward to 2016, when I got my current manual chair... Yeah, price doubled NATURALLY!

Oh, but Medicaid wouldn't pay for it because, YOU ONLY GET 1 chair covered on this insurance.... AND I HAVE A 15,000 power wheelchair on Medicaid insurance file.

FROM MEDICAID RULES!

"NO! You CAN NOT GET A MANUAL CHAIR NEXT TIME YOU QUALIFY FOR A NEW WHEELCHAIR! We don't care to take into account if you can't get transported in friend/family member's car (powerchairs weigh a few hundred ~ 1,000 lbs , DON'T FIT IN CAR TRUNKS, AND CAN NOT BE LIFTED UP OR DOWNSTAIRS FOR ENTERING or EXITING SONMEONE'S HOME,WHEN THEY WANT TO INVITE YOU FOR A VISIT,TO SPEND A HOLIDAY MEAL!

TOUGH LUCK!.... YOU GOT A WHEELCHAIR covered, RIGHT ? Be grateful!"

Well I AM GRATEFUL, don't get me wrong! But I hate having to be a government program moocher for EVERYTHING I want or need related to services: disability/mobility aid supports; all these incredibly, expensive items(ON TOP of PAYING FOR ALL LIVING EXPENSES!) . Astronomically priced : So meager salary, won't be enough to cover costs. Oh, don't pay cash...we want to bill insurance. THAT doesn't cover your medical needs equipment( Just to screw with the disabled, KNOWING we need our mobility aids to function during the day. AND THESE COMPANIES ARE ALL TOO EAGER TO MILK THE SYSTEM... bleed it dry with their over priced itemizing of every piece the put on the chair (Ex. My last, and also current chair listed, a few I remember : $50 for a seatbelt; $800 for the custom seating-fitted to body... It'd plywood foam and vinyl mesh that is currently cracking , peeling & foam coming out). Forced to rely on Medicaid/ Medicare...Oh the waiting game-- Do I get approved or denied?

~~ *A minor digression: STIIL PISSED THAT SSI made me get my mom's retirement benefits 2 years ago....thus, I was begrudgingly angry with the fact I was AUTOMATTICALLY ENROLLED IN MEDICARE TOO NOW---Before I"M EVER 65 ! OH I GOTTA MOOCH EVEN MORE MONEY OFF THE TAXPAYERS ... or lose ALL benefits! Part of me remains- Scared into still obliged compliance! HOW DO I AFFORD A WHEELCHAIR? OMG! I've been told by employment services programs "I'm NOT Competitively Employable"... Duh , I kind of realize I'm not a fast paced, quota-producing person...just living with myself. Regularly observing that everyone is done completing a task in 5 minutes, that I'm still working on myself an hour later! Yeah, I'd say that's a painfully accurate assessment!* ~~

Wait over a year...GET MY CHAIR FINALLY! But wait, they lost my seat order. So they tried to claim they never got one! Uh, HELLO! With this same company since my first chair....I have always required a fitted seat! WHAT THE HELL! So they had to take back the chair. Get another seating order: taking measurements AGAIN. Wait yet another few months for funding approval. Then come back to build the seat. ONLY to have it too thick in the front. I couldn't get up over the mold to get in it by myself. GRRR!!! So they had to come back, tear the seat apart to cut the foam down & recover it(with an obvious patch job!) SO INFURIATING! I NOW DON'T EVER WANT TO DEAL WITH THEM AGAIN! I SURE AS HELL DON'T WANT TAXPAXER FUNDED Medicaid /Medicare WASTING ANOTHER RED CENT ON PURCHASING ME ANYMORE MULTI -THOUSAND DOLLOR WHEELCHAIRS OR BRACES, or, PORCH ELEVATORS!

Part of me, still scared into compliance now: Remains gratefully, reliant on this system. I have no job. No Skills of trade with which to draw any income--CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO DRAW 6 figures a month. I have no talents of creativity. I have no think out side the box ingenuity. So, how do I ACTUALLY manage to find the means to SUPPORT MYSELF...with nothing to work with??

I AM ALSO FEELING INCREASINGLY DETERMINED TO CALL THE SOCIAL SECURITY OFFICE. I WANT TO TELL THEM I'M DONE! I'M DONE BEING A DEPENDENT OF THE SYSTEM... GO AHEAD AND CUT ME OFF ALL BENEFEITS!!

I AM ASHAMED Of being dependent on the taxpayers- For my every need to survive! Already done this 30 yrs of my life! I hate the thought of this, being destined to continue on untill the day I DIE! HOW WOEFULLY PATHETIC can I be? I NEED TO FIND A WAY OUT! How DO I DO THIS?

Cue, rant of background story commentary OVER! Get back to Passion for profit already (It's about time, you say! HAHA Yes!).

So as I stated way back in the beginning~~~

" I do believe it's true. Turn to the things you light up inside about-- This is where purpose lives. WITHIN your passions...

Yes! "

SO WHAT ARE MY PASSIONS & INTERESTS (And how do I turn those into a profitable, Self- sustaining income?).... How do I MAKE ANOUGH MONEY TO PAY FOR MY WHEELCHAIR MYSELF??



List of my passions/interests~

• Music - Listening to an eclectic mix. From Classic Rock {*Been to at least 8 Pat Benatar/Giraldo shows; 3-4 in front row~3rd row----First front row experience, I was blessed to bring my momma with me- Her first time in front row too. 2/13/2011 (Sadly, the 1 and only time I could...She passed away 13 months after this)*}, Pop to Reggae to Modern Country. Artists such as: Celine Dion AKA 'Sissy' : FRENCH, English & Spanish- ALL COOL BY ME! Gloria Estefan AKA 'Mami' - English ,Spanish, Portuguese ,French -ALL GOOD!

Then we have my very friendly "all about unity & community-inclusive" indie musicians, from the pagan music scene. My friends, whom I support- OCCASIONALLY giving crowdfunding contributions to fund their album projects- My friends: Tuatha Dea :Album Kilts and Corsets! SUPPORTING INDIE MUSIC FRIENDS ROCKS!!

***I have my name in the acknowledgment credits inside the booklet baby*** Not to brag, but HOW ELSE WOULD I EVER SEE MY NAME ON AN ALBUM?? I can't sing or play an instrument...can't even hold an instrument properly, due to manual dexterity deficit from my Cerebral Palsy! My mind screams "No, If I can't hold any instrument CORRECTLY...DO NOT TOUCH! PLEASE DO NOT INSULT THE INSTRUMENTS!"

My beautiful friend, Ginger Ackley (She's 2 years older than my mom). I admire her because she started her indie career- often driving herself across country to gigs with her husband by her side. I think it's been 15yrs. She started in her 50's- AMAZING!) who's always inviting me to watch her perform- shares her latest song or children's book with me. She's always good for an in person hug, a reply & chat when I message her*Better than other people I try to chat with* This means a lot to me!

<Here's one of her beautiful instrumental pieces. Copy/paste in browser. CLICK! Enjoy! Celtica : https://youtu.be/nd7rH8ooirs >

I know I'm not made for the stage... SO usually I keep that dream locked away. But sometimes seeing my friends play & sing on stage, I naturally have an urge to join them! In the pure fun of the music & vocals that bring levitation to my spirit. I visualize myself with the microphone! Then Majicak! I forget my self-conscious image... I sing like I own the stage! Yeah, silly fantasy LOL .



• Fascination with other languages -

It all began one day at school, around age 10 or 11 years old. In my elementary school, the student body was predominately Caucasian. So, imagine my wonderment surprise, natural curiosity when one day, hanging out at my locker, I was suddenly hit with a sensation of wonderment, surprised to see an unfamiliar lady walking past me down the hall. She grabbed my attention immediately: As I noted her tanned skin tone was not one I'd ever seen before. I'd stare at her mesmerized, as she continued on out of sight. I saw her again a few more times (Thinking she must've been a substitute teacher---as she seemed to show up out of the blue). Each time I was captivated. I was very shy, but after a few days of seeing her, I'd guess my curiosity had me starting to slowly follow her down the hall as far as I could go, without going out of sight of the classroom aides.

I finally had gotten up enough courage to sheepishly say, "Hi" loud enough for her to hear. She had obviously noticed my failed attempt to be subtle, as she was only a few steps ahead of me...when she turns to step in front of me. (OMG! I'm freaked out!) She looks down at me & says, "SAY 'HOLA!" Me: Stunned & confused silent, I stare at her..."huh?" She repeats, "Say HOLA" Uh, Uh ... "I can't", I say. She says, "Yes, you can! Say it! Say it!" She stood there waiting... So, I said "HOLA" Then she says, say " Hola Mama", I repeat. Then she walks away. One day, shortly thereafter, I ask my brother if he knows any Spanish words. He tells me "Buenos Dias" means Good morning. I was so excited to see the lady at school so I could say it to her! I did, with a huge smile...She returned the greeting. I was so proud that day.

I don't remember seeing her ever again after this. WEIRD! It was like she just came into my life long enough to spark my love affair with Spanish, then vanished! I never even thought to ask her name, why didn't I?

So, fast forward about 4 years later... I beg my teacher to help me get into Spanish class. My teacher tried to talk me into waiting untill the following semester. I was too impatient. No "I don't want to wait 'till next YEAR, that's too long. Now PLEASE!"

I got my wish... landed in class near the end of the first semester. Lucky me , first day in class... A geography quiz... I got a D in! Yeah, maybe I made a mistake? ( Maybe waiting untill the next semester was the better idea ?) But, after my begging got me what I asked for... I couldn't just change my mind now, because I doubted myself...Had to stick it out! I'm glad I did!

Eventually, I got better at picking up the language. Learning new words was super exciting. It felt validating for me; maybe a little annoying that kids didn't find the respect for learning or share my enthusiasm for the language enough to know what 'Tiene'\ verb: Tener - To HAVE (He/She/It has) / means...Something we learn in fist year. To have kids ask me "Hey, Bonnie, What's Tiene mean?" in second & third year level. Geez, do you pay any attention?

I loved playing Spanish Vocabulary Bingo. Watching Spanish commercials for popular products like, Pepsi & Trix cereal was neat! My favorite discovery- Music in Spanish. First time in class, Sr Livengood played the song, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CVd3pvC0wk. I thought it was gorgeous & had fun rhythm for dancing. Didn't care too much about not knowing what the words meant.. " Does anybody have any guesses as to who this is? No! Gloria Estefan", he says. OMG! She speaks SPANISH? I'm from that moment, even more enthralled with her than I had been listening to her English music! I then felt the need to buy my own Spanish music---all hers that's on CD--- And I eventually found (with the help of my moms going to pick it up for me) a biography in the library to do a book report on Gloria Estefan for music class assignment.---Never was I game to do a book report, other than this occasion!!

((Note: I didn't decide to exclusively call Gloria 'Mami' untill 1997 about 2 years after this awesome fact find. Then getting to know her strength to overcome the adversity of her tour bus accident: I came to seek comfort in her presence through music-- I was afraid in my home life; much of the time, plagued with nights of drunken rage, domestic abuse against my mom & consequently many moves & evictions. Music & Spanish was my safe space. My happy place: Gloria offered both: these things lit my soul full of smiles- therefore, became my refuge from fear- I felt safe & warm to hear her sing: I often wished she'd come to me on tour, to rescue me. I could go home with her, be happy & part of her family. Thus, 'Mami' she became to me.))



• PHYCHOLOGY- Yes , something else that 'Mami' has in her background that endears me to her. Being a mobility challenged person has certainly contributed to my interest in psychology: as being made to sit and be observant more: while everyone else being otherwise engaged in the Hustle & Bustle, Sweat & Muscle of physical lifting /moving heavy objects & chores. I couldn't do these things to help- always feeling in the way. So, I STAYED OUT OF THE WAY! Wondering why/ how/ What motivated(s) people to do all this HARD WORK...Seemingly over & over without end? Why struggle so...without reward? Spending a lot of time observing & wondering WHY?

I spend a lot of time in my own head - Auto-analyzing, Questioning my motives. IF I COULD BE ABLE-BODIED ENOUGH TO PERFORM THESE TASKS...WOULD I? HOW COULD I? I WANT HAPPINESS & FREEDOM...NOT TO BE TIED TO POINTLESS PHYSICAL LABOR---There is NOTHING THAT SUGGESTS 'HAPPY' IN DOING ANYOF IT! I DON'T WANT ANY OF IT! HOW DO I HELP PEOPLE PUT THIS DOWN A LOT MORE...TO MAKE ROOM FOR FUN IN THEIR LIVES? How do I bring myself to partake in this mundane struggle---compromise--- start doing boring pointless chore activities more regularly, like normal people do?

When I indulge in unhealthy habits or am feeling meanness toward myself or others: I auto-analyze. Try to see others behaviors or reactions for the manifestation & reflection of fear...To empathize, to show compassion instead of judging---I'm identifying my own insecurities & fears as I can see myself, in theirs!

~~~ ~~~

Well, All THESE THINGS INTEREST ME ... I RESPECT THEM FOR A REASON. THEY ARE GIFTS/TOOLS FOR ME TO HAVE & USE IN MY LIFE---I KNOW THIS; YET, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THEM TO MAKE A LIVING!

Was thinking... Maybe I could help tutor someone who speaks Spanish? I looked up Tutoring ESL class online----What fun I could practice Speaking Spanish -Maybe after 30 years of having this language as part of my life: I MIGHT ACCTUALLY START TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION- be closer to gaining fluency?? - I'd have someone speaking with me in the language, while helping that someone learn English. I'm not at professor teaching/linguistics master skills level... But English & Spanish classes were the only classes I ever got a solid A grade in.----Need certification for this too! Oh Bummer! :(

As for psychology - I like to find common issues I face with others. I like to encourage them to open up--- And reassure them. It's ok to backslide, fall into old destructive patterns sometimes. We often need to see the bottom- to give us incentive to rise again! JUST CHILL...BE STILL...Begin again! I often would say to my counselor ( She would sometimes comment on how she found my 'insightfulness' impressive. ) when we'd tip slightly into a conversation about purpose-something to do with myself during the day... " I think I might like to do something similar to your job.... But I don't think I could keep up with the schooling /course requirements well enough to earn a degree/certification credentials".

Problem: Schooling is hard to keep up with ; I'm Slow to reading, coping notes- Classmates would be asked to let me copy their notes or catch me up to where the teacher was on the computer screen-- Would be holding up the class- Not finishing test or assignments on time. No don't see degrees or certificates in my future. So, I can maybe volunteer in a support group or ESL class . Yes! But Volunteers DON'T generally GET PAID!

So What CAN I DO TO EARN MONEY? HOW WOULD I TURN MY PASSIONS INTO PROFIT???



HELP PLEASE ANY IDEAS YOU HAVE OUT THERE...PLEASE SHARE WITH ME! WOULD BE MOST APPRECIATED ... Thank YOU!

Untill I figure out HOW TO MAKE A LIVING . DECENT ENOUGH TO BE FREE OF GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE on poor tax payers' dime.... At least I'm thankful to have found Vocal writing platform , majorly enhanced by joining the VOCAL CREATORS LOUNGE group on FB. Because of and many thanks to this lovely supportive group. I have gotten probably more than 96% of the reads I have so far in my 7th week of signing up!!

THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH FOR HELPING ME EARN MY OWN FEW CENTS & $1o in BONUSES! ALL BY MYSELF! Maybe not much ... but it's still worth A LOT to me . Again, Many Thanks! Peace!