Not in a Million Years

If you’d have told me when I was struggling to raise two kids through an on again off again marriage and a limited career path because my education stopped with my high school diploma that the hardest part of my life would be after those years were behind me, I’d have said you were crazy. Yet here I am. I worked hard and advanced in a tough industry and raised my kids and supported them myself until they were grown. I was proud of myself and had worked my way into a great job making great money and benefits and thought I was set for life... It didn’t happen that way (which is another story) and here I am...

I’m 55 years old, underemployed, have no savings, no reliable support system, and have lost the “I can do anything” outlook that got me through the rough times in my past.

Over the years my family has done and said things that make it impossible for a reasonable person to even consider going to them for positive reinforcement or help of any kind and my children don’t understand how I could have made the choices that have left me in such poor circumstances so unless I want a lecture on all of my past mistakes, I don’t talk to them about my problems at all.

I think many 50 something’s find themselves in this position but don’t talk about it because according to public opinion, if you aren’t stable now it’s because you failed somewhere along the way.

At some point, that “I can do anything” way of looking at life changes to “I’m so tired” and it’s then that you realize just how judgemental our society is and how judgemental you yourself used to be about the generation before you. We expect people in their 50’s to have reached a certain place in life and if they haven’t we believe they should have planned better so they shouldn’t ask for help or expect any if they find themselves stumbling. In a million years I never thought I’d need help financially or emotionally at this stage of my life. The choices that brought me to this place in my life were made by a person who thought they could do anything not by this person who life has changed into a person who knows they can’t.

Hopefully I’ll figure out a new way to get through this tough time and I know I won’t ever again think that someone who is in need of help is weak because I am not weak.