No Apology Necessary!

One thing I have learned to do a lot better over the past few years is finding the courage to admit when I am in the wrong. There have been many times where I have acted out of line, times where I have acted immaturely, and times where I have said things that were unjustified and unwarranted, all in which have unfairly impacted on other people. I've had to put my pride aside and admit to my wrong doings and errors in judgement. Many times it has taken me several months to have done so, but an apology is always better late than ever, after all. On the flip side, there have been several times in which people have wronged me also, where they have unfairly criticized, ridiculed, and categorized me, and were incorrect in the information they passed onto me, and yet there was no apology or retraction whatsoever from any of them. To this day, these certain individuals will still refuse to admit they were in the wrong, and were totally out of line with their attitude and their criticisms. They refuse to accept that they are human, and they too, make mistakes. Sadly, their pride is of more value to them than relationships with other people. It's hardly surprising that some of these relationships I had with these people have since soured. It's really frustrating when you make the concerted effort to do the right thing by others, and be apologetic to them, when you are in the wrong, only to have others too stubborn and proud to admit when they are at fault in return. Sadly, that's just how most people are. They don't want to come over as being weak, as being imperfect, or perhaps as being inferior. It's funny, that even when these such people have overwhelming evidence and proof against them that they are indeed in the wrong, they will still refrain from apologizing. They try and find some other way to justify their words and actions. As frustrating it may be, we don't need to lower ourselves to their standards. What should matter to us is how we conduct ourselves, how we treat others, and be constantly living by the values we know are morally correct. We can't control how others choose to behave and live their life, but we can at least set the standard, and role model those values and behaviours. Therefore, never be ashamed to be human, and admit to your errors and mistakes. Always seek to provide an apology where it is due.

Okay, so all I have written so far seems to be a little contradictory to today's quote and blog title, hey? The thing is, as much as apologizing to others is indeed the most respectful and dignified thing to do, some of us have a bad habit of over apologizing, or even apologizing when not necessary. This is when it becomes detrimental to us. We know when we are in the wrong when we lie to people, we give them incorrect information, we behave immaturely to them, we deceive them, we unfairly criticize them, we unfairly judge them, we betray their trust, we hurt them, we fail to support them when they need us, and we perhaps falsely accuse them of something. It's on these sort of occasions, we know in our heart that we have done wrong by them, and it's also on these occasions we should put our pride aside, and apologize to them. Then there are certain circumstances and occasions though when there is no apology necessary! One of those such occasions and circumstances is when begin progressing on the journey towards achieving our goals, and a lifestyle that we desire. Now you might be wondering where an apology would even come into play, when we are talking about pursuing our goals, because our goals don't exactly always involve anyone else, nor is it necessarily anyone's business, right? Well, yes and no! Firstly, you'd be correct in suggesting our goals are not anyone else's business. We are simply trying to manifest a life of our own design, a life that we desire, and achieve success that we personally feel driven to achieve. We are each individually responsible and accountable to achieve our own goals. If people have an issue with us trying to generate success, happiness, and satisfaction for ourselves, then we would straight away have to question their intentions for us, and if they genuinely do care about our best interest and welfare. So no, it's not anyone else's business if we choose to be striving for our goals. This is where it causes a little bit of friction though, because many of us have a spouse, for example. Relationships, especially marriage, are built upon togetherness, love, trust, compromise, and support, after all. When we make certain decisions, and undertake certain actions, that are working towards achieving our goals, and creating a life of success, happiness, and prosperity, we naturally feel obliged to seek our partner's approval. We don't want to upset them, impact them, or undermine them in any way, so if they disapprove of certain decisions and actions, we are then left with a choice of either upsetting our partner, by continuing on to pursue our goals, or sacrificing our goals, success, and happiness, by respecting our partner's wishes. That begs the question though, if our partner genuinely loved us, and truly supported us, why would they deny us the opportunity to go after our goals, and be creating a life blessed with success, happiness, and potential prosperity? Two reasons; one, it inconveniences them in some manner, and two, it doesn't fit their agenda in what they want us to do. Is that really being supportive?

This is where the apology part comes into play. When we set out on the journey to achieve our goals, the decisions we make, and the actions we take, are going to piss people off. Whether it be our partner, our parents, our friends, our workmates, our relatives, or whoever it may be, we are going to annoy the crap out of people. It's for the exact same reasons I mentioned above, regarding our partner, being inconvenience and agenda. For anyone who has ever embarked on the journey towards achieving their goals, you would well know that life changing goals take considerable time to achieve. The greater the goal, the greater the patience required. We are talking several years here, normally anywhere between 3 to 10, maybe even longer. Along this journey we will encounter several setbacks, rejections, failures, and challenges. Sadly, for most people, they see such adversities as decent reason to give up the pursuit, and that success is clearly not going to eventuate. For those who are genuinely motivated and driven to achieve their goals though, they understand that these adversities are part and parcel of the journey, and that each failure is merely just an opportunity to pivot, to make changes, and to try again. So, right here we have ourselves in this resilient, perseverant, determined, and driven mindset, and we are fully prepared to continue facing these challenges and working to overcome them, but we also have onlookers who believe we are being foolish in wasting money, wasting time, and wasting effort on something that is clearly not going to generate success. The longer this journey goes on for, the more criticism and opposition we begin to encounter from our friends and loved ones. We can see for ourselves that we are not pleasing these friends and loved ones of ours, through our decisions and actions, but we also understand that we simply cannot quit the pursuit of our goals, because we ultimately then deny ourselves the opportunity for success, happiness, and prosperity. We get this constant barrage of advice from people about what we should do, and that we should quit, and yet we know it goes totally against our action plan, and what we believe is the right pathway to take. This peer pressure of quitting becomes too much for many people. Because they know they are inconveniencing and not pleasing those they love and care about, they succumb to failure. They apologize to their partner, their friends, and other loved ones for inconveniencing them, off the back of the decisions that they made, and the actions that were taken. The question is, why? Why the need to apologize for trying to create a life blessed with success, happiness, and prosperity? Why apologize for trying to achieve greatness? Many times our goals revolve around improving and enhancing the lives of our loved ones anyway, and yet here we are apologizing for doing so. This is exactly where no apology is necessary! We should never be apologizing for striving for our goals, to no one, ever!

Why is it that our loved ones withdraw their support for us, and get narky with us? Aren't these very people meant to be there for us, especially more so when times get tough? Well, that's what we expect, but unfortunately, that's not always what we receive. Our friends and loved ones do care for us deep down, and they want the best for us, plus they don't want to see us fail, but if our decisions and actions inconvenience them in any way, well that becomes a totally different story. So many of us have a terrible habit of trying to manipulate others into living their life in a way which suits us, and in a way which is most beneficial to us. We will play the guilt card, we will threaten people, we will blackmail people, we will act superior, and do all sorts of other deceptive and manipulative acts in order to have other people live their life how we want them to. What's worse is the number of suckers who actually get drawn into this behaviour. We are easily drawn into this manipulation and influence though because these very people are those whom we love, and our dear to our heart. We don't want to hurt them, deny them, reject their advice, or do anything against them, but we need to understand that we have our own life to live, just as they have their own life to live. We should never be drawn into living a life that someone else suggests and moulds for us. We have goals we want to achieve, we have a lifestyle that we desire to achieve, and we have a future that we long to create. No matter who may oppose and criticize us for pursuing our goals, be it our partner, parents, friends, loved ones, or whoever, we never need to apologize or bow down to their wishes in what we should do with our life. We have a limited amount of time on this Earth, and we don't want to be spending it pleasing others. We want to be creating the best life for ourselves possible, and it's once we can create such a life that we can then better look after our family. We become a stronger, more mature, more confident, more accomplished, and a more experienced individual, and it's through this betterment we can then become the best version of ourselves, which actually aids others in the long run, as well as ourselves. The lesson today is firstly, to remember, there's no shame in making a mistake, you are only human! We all are! Have the courage to admit when you're in the wrong and give unto those, to whom you wronged, the apology they deserve, but don't ever internally punish yourself for your mistakes. Instead, learn by them! Use these times to minimize your errors of judgment in the future, and aim to continually better yourself as a person. Don't become bitter and resentful towards others for when they decline to give you the same respect and decency in return. Their lack of courtesy and respect is a reflection on them, not you! Just continue to set the standard by continually role modelling the right behaviours and values that we all should live by. Secondly, you NEVER need to apologize for pursuing your goals, to ANYONE! You have every right to be creating a life for yourself that is enriched with happiness, success, and prosperity. If it inconveniences others, or it doesn't fir their agenda to what they want you to do, then too bad for them, that's not your problem. Anyone who genuinely loves you will be fully supportive of your decisions and your actions, and be continually encouraging you along the journey towards achieving your goals. Don't be sorry for becoming successful! Live a life by your own design!

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