My Transformation Story
My transformation story starts about six years ago.
January 21, 2019
My transformation story starts about six years ago—it was January 2013, I was severely depressed, overweight, and I had absolutely no hope for the future. I remember I had thought that the world was going to end on December 21, 2012 like they had been predicting for many years leading up, and then when the world didn't end like it was supposed to, I found myself hopeless in January 2013 still breathing, still alive, but feeling completely lost.
"What had my life become?" I wondered.
I was pretty angry and depressed at this point in my life. I was 22 at the time and I felt like my life was over. I had absolutely no hope left and on that cold winter's night in January 2013, I considered killing myself.
I call this night "the dark night of my soul" because I really had hit rock bottom, I wanted to die, I didn't see a point in continuing on, life was far too difficult, and what was the point of doing anything anyways?
At the time, I was working as a waitress serving breakfast. I was incredibly shy, self-conscious of my weight, I had no personality, I had no energy, I ate the worst kinds of food, and I was lonely, depressed, and grieving the loss of my mother two years prior.
The night that I was considering killing myself, was a night that I would never forget.
It was a cold winters night, and I was at home after an exhausting day at work. I was thinking about doing away with myself, and I remember I decided how I would do it and everything, and I was sitting on my living room floor, crying as my hand wrapped around a bottle of Tylenol I was planning to consume. I was feeling sorry for myself. I didn't see a point to continue. It was a very low point in my life, and I couldn't see a future, it was completely dark.
So as I sat there, crying and throwing myself a pity party basically, I was crying out loud really hard when all of a sudden I had a moment of pure awareness. It came in a moment but would last forever, as these experiences often do.
At that moment, I was greeted once again by the calm voice of my higher self, whom I had shut the door on the day of my mother's funeral because I was really hurt, and I couldn't see how it was for the best, and I just needed to go through life all alone for a while.
Ever since I was a small child, I had always been very connected with my higher self, that part which is inside all of humanity, the quiet voice within that is wise beyond ourselves that we can all experience, but there is an element of allowance, and if you don't allow it to come through, it won't. It actually can't come through due to humanity's free will, and we often shut the door on it without even realizing we have.
I hadn't heard its soft voice in years since cutting it out, but on this night it spoke softly yet sternly to me and said; "Lindsay... Do you want your mom's struggle in life to raise you and put food on the table be all for nothing? OR do you want to rise up and be the person you were meant to be?"
Before I could answer back, I was shown two very clear visions, which was something new to me, and I was not used to them at the time, but now six years later I get visions all the time.
The first vision I got was me if I stayed on the path I was currently on at that time, which was eating fast food every day, not exercising, and doing self-deprecating things. The vision showed me in the future. I lived in a tiny apartment, I was severely overweight, I could barely move anymore, and I had a whole bunch of cats running around pissing everywhere. It was an awful sight!
In the vision, I was staring out the window which had a view of only other buildings, no nature, and I remember thinking, well that's not very nice at all... What had happened to my life? It had become an utter mess and complete failure... I did not like what I saw.
The second vision came immediately after and it showed me as a completely different person. I was happy, I looked good, I had a nice body, and I saw myself smiling really big at myself in the mirror and my whole being felt love and joy. I couldn't believe that was me. Honestly, it was a completely new woman. I had confidence, I was self-assured, and I knew most importantly what I was here to do.
When the vision was over, I knew right away that I needed to work towards the second vision, no matter what it took. I wanted to be that happy person so bad.
So it was a very powerful experience, and it happened so fast all within a couple of minutes, but I will never forget it, and the visions changed my whole life because I saw that it was possible. I clearly saw myself in the future, happy, and full of life, and I would do whatever it took to get there.
So following that night, I started to work on my personal growth. I started to eat better. I started to do some working out first in my living room before I eventually got a membership to the gym a few months later.
I started to also work on my own mind, and the thoughts and beliefs I had about myself. I knew from watching the movie The Secret that I was a powerful being, but I did not know how to use that power, so I started to study the law of attraction, the power of the mind, and our manifesting abilities.
The transformation was very slow at times and would happen very quickly at other times. I wasn't looking for a quick fix though. I knew this would be a lifestyle change and it wouldn't happen overnight.
I was 22 at the time, and I remember giving myself two years, and then I would reevaluate and if I hated what I was doing, I could always go back to my old lifestyle of eating fast food every day and not exercising. That was part of my motivation at the very start. I told myself that if I really wanted to, I could always go back to what I was doing prior to this inner-shift. Knowing this kept me going on hard days.
Once I reached the 2-year mark, in 2015, and I had been on this transformational journey for the two years I had committed to... I laughed at the thought that I even considered quitting once because at this point it was so addicting to me, and my self-transformation had become so much better and more satisfying than eating any amount of fast food, or a burger with fries could ever bring me. I realized that I would never go back to my old lifestyle, not even if someone paid me to. It just wasn't worth it.
At this point, I started to take my transformation even more seriously. I thought, okay, if I can change this much in two years, without really knowing what I was even doing and just dipping my toes in this huge ocean of personal growth, I thought if I did that much without really even trying that hard, imagine what I could do if I really set this as my intention and I work each and every day on myself, at least in some way.
So that is exactly what I started to do. I started pouring myself into personal growth, I started to really take myself seriously, and I started to grow in tremendous ways.
I went to the gym without fail every single day, sometimes I went twice, and I became addicted to working out too because I had seen such tremendous change in my physical body and I wanted to keep improving myself. The weight I had gained over my entire life slowly melted away. It didn't happen quickly—in fact, it took almost a full year of going to the gym, working out, and eating healthier before anyone even started to notice.
It was definitely a process; it didn't happen fast by any means. There were some months when I didn't lose any weight, but it never caused me to quit or give up, I just kept at it, week after week, month after month, year after year.
Since I was also working on not only my body and fitness but also my mind, I would get home each day after the gym and spend several hours in the evening studying and researching anything and everything to do with personal growth.
The thing is I never went to university, I never got a "degree," and I am so happy that I chose the path I did because since I didn't burn myself out early on in life from the education system, I was still eager and hungry to learn. I just didn't need a piece of paper that had my name on it to motivate me to study.
So every night I would study when I got home, and it was the subjects that I truly found interesting. Some topics I studied back then were the law of attraction, quantum physics, life extension, health & fitness, and the power of your subconscious mind, just to name a few.
Ever since I was a young girl, I knew that there was something we weren't being told about what powerful beings we are. I researched a lot in this subject field and this has now become one of my main focuses, but I didn't know it at the time, but everything we do in the now is connected to our future self in some way. So for example, me writing this blog post right now in January 2019 will somehow help my future self in the years to come. I dunno how it all works yet—all I know is everything is connected.
I realized through my studies that our thoughts and beliefs about who we are actually shape our reality. No two people view reality in the same way and this became incredibly clear to me the further I got on this journey. Two people could watch the exact same movie and take completely different messages away from it, so imagine that on the world stage. We all have a different way of perceiving this, and it's beautifully unique for everyone.
So I started to reflect on what it was that I believed since I knew that my inner beliefs were forming my outer world. This, of course, led me to start really looking inward again, since I hadn't for a while since I was truthfully scared of what I might find. My childhood experience had convinced me that I was bad, since so many "bad" things happened to me starting at the age of 7 when I lost my grandmother, and then again when I lost my mom when I was 20, so I really believed that I was being punished by "God" for something I had done.
"What did I do to deserve this?" I always asked this question before I knew the truth. When things shake up our life we immediately think we've done something wrong and we are now being punished for it, but this is really not the case and is usually preparing you for something even better. This is a hard thing to understand though and I won't go into that now.
Once I started to go within, I started to look at my beliefs that I had formed throughout my entire life surrounding my weight. I had believed I was destined to be fat, it ran in my family, and I just loved food so much that I didn't care what effects it had on my body.
I believed that no matter what I did, I would never be able to reach the body I truly desired.
Once I became aware of these limiting beliefs I had about myself, and I started to rewire them and create new beliefs such as, I am more than able to lose weight and reach my ideal body. That is when the big changes started to occur. You see up until this point, I had not believed that I could reach my ideal weight and perfect body, so because I didn't believe it was possible, it quite simply wasn't. This is how it works. You have to believe it's possible, and this is a big reason why the law of attraction works so well for some, and not so well for others.
This happens a lot with money. People want more money, but they don't believe they can get more money, they don't believe it's possible, so it doesn't happen. It's so simple, yet so profound that we often miss it because we think its got to be more complex than that.
It's really just about changing your mind about the things you want, and then they will flow effortlessly to you. I noticed that about money with myself too, but at this point in my journey I wasn't thinking about money. I just really wanted to lose weight and reach my ideal body.
Once I started to actually believe I could lose weight, reach my ideal body, and live the life I truly wanted to, that is when everything started to unfold for me.
My transformation took off! It was now the year 2016 and it was the biggest year of growth for me. I absolutely flourished!
At this point, it became more like play instead of work. I didn't consider exercise to be work, but I rather enjoyed the benefits and the way it made me feel, and the confidence it gave me.
Like holy smokes, I was on fire at the gym! I absolutely craved going to the gym, I had an addiction at one point, but I realized that there were certainly worse things I could have been addicted to, but I would literally start freaking out if I couldn't go to the gym for a certain period of time. I was going at least once sometimes twice per day. For two to three hours at a time.
People would often ask me how I have time for this much exercise, but I don't live a typical western lifestyle. I don't work a 9-5 job and during most of these transformational years I worked as a breakfast server at a little cafe, so I was done by 3 PM every day I worked, and I only worked three to four days a week, I made quite decent money doing this as well, and always could afford whatever I wanted.
So on my 3 days off a week, I would go to the mall which is where my gym was located, sit in the food court with a coffee, and do some reading, writing, or just study in general. As I said, I studied A LOT, for not being in "school" I still was still very eager to learn.
I would get there by 11 AM and I would head to the gym around 1 PM workout for two to three hours, staying there until around 5 PM because this really cute gym boy would always come at 4 PM after his work. I had a huge crush on him, and even though I only talked to him once during my three years that I went there, I still think of him from time to time. Oh, how I'd love him to see me now! He probably wouldn't even recognize me anymore!
Then I would leave and go home where I would continue learning something or watching something informative on YouTube or Gaia.com. I never really cared for Netflix, and I don't own a TV. I just have a PC laptop which has always been good for me.
I always just did the best I could each day. I never really over thought it too much, and it was actually just second nature to me. I wanted to become the best I could be, so I always was working on or learning something new. I read and write quite a lot. I believe I am becoming a great writer. This is what I've been told many times by my higher self, which sees more than I see, and knows the potentials of the future.
So let's flash forward now and quickly recap.
The transformation started in January 2013. I worked out, ate healthy food that nourished my body. I read countless books of personal transformation and dove deep into the nature of my own self.
In 2016 I was in the Amway business—you can read about my experience here—but I did that for a full year, and I learned so much from that experience and I also started to open the door to my higher self, GOD, universe, whatever name you have for it. This is when my spirituality started to take flight, and although I was timid at first, now I am proud to say that I am a spiritual being. It's who I am and will continue to be for the rest of my life.
I was scared of my light for a while because of the past. I didn't feel like I was good enough or worthy enough to hold such power, but again this goes back to some beliefs I had formed as a very small child, sitting in church listening to how we are born dirty, sinners at birth. It impacted me in a negative way, as children are highly susceptible, and it made me feel like I wasn't good enough in the eyes of the creator, so, therefore, I must be bad and unworthy.
This has now changed greatly since 2016, and I am worthy and I embrace my spiritual nature fully. I now see myself with unconditional love and acceptance, and I know I am good enough in the eyes of God.
My higher self gives me a pat on the back for all the work I have done over the years, and whispers to me right now as I write this, "This is just the beginning you know."
I smile because I know it is, I feel it is, I feel like I needed to go through this transformation in order to become my greatest self, because when I look at myself today, I know I can accomplish anything I set my heart & mind too. My belief in myself is tremendous, and I know that it's just the start of something beautiful that is unfolding.
I couldn't have done what I am doing now if not for the transformation I experienced. I wouldn't have been able to do anything because my lack of belief in my own self, and my own insecurities and logical mind prevented my light from shining through.
If I hadn't started on this transformation, if I had stayed doing what I was doing, I never would have been able to now go out and change the world. That is what I am here to do, and it rings in every cell of my being. I dunno how yet, but I completely trust that I will be guided every step of the way.
You know what they say, "If you want to change the world, change yourself first and the rest will follow."
I took these words to heart years ago because I knew since I was very young that I was here to change the world, and so in order to do this, I knew I needed to change myself first and foremost.
So here I am, from Jan 2013-Jan 2019 I have completely morphed into this beautiful, stunning being of light, I radiate with joy and happiness. I am now that very exact vision I saw six years ago when I cried on my living room floor on that dark night, where I was reunited again with my best friend and higher self. I realized this a few months ago when I was standing in my bedroom looking at myself in the mirror. "Holy crow," I thought. "I am here! I did it! I became that beautiful vision of myself I had seen years ago!"
It was a deeply moving moment for me, and I was speechless by the profundity of it. I had done it. I was smiling at myself, so in love with who I am, and even more excited than ever at who I am becoming... I have gotten visions of the person I am now becoming and it blows me away. Words cannot describe who I am becoming.
It's truly a phenomenal experience. I can't even imagine, nor do I want to, where my life would be if I hadn't taken this path of transformation and chosen the other one instead where I continued eating garbage and hating my self. I'm beyond grateful that I chose at that moment to get my life together. (It's really never too late to start because transforming yourself can actually reverse aging and prolong your life. I will be writing more on this in the future.)
Even though I was only 22 at the time, I truly thought my life was over. I had absolutely no hope for the future. Now looking back, I laugh at my own ignorance. I simply didn't know, I didn't know what was possible or who I truly was, I didn't know that in a few short years of intentional growth, I could be a completely transformed person.
It wasn't really a struggle—sure, some days were definitely more difficult than others, but it actually was more enjoyable than anything. I loved to see all that I could accomplish in a day, and that hasn't stopped. I still am on this transformational journey and have no intention of ever quitting, but at this point I needed to write about it.
I write in hopes of inspiring others to take action and to start or continue to change their lives for the better. It's really a never ending journey of magnificence.
There are so many resources now available on the internet. So many have gone through this transformation and now want to help others to become their best selves.
That is where I am at now. I want to help others to transform their lives by figuring out your thoughts and beliefs about who you are, and start working with them to remove or change them so that you can live your best life imaginable!
If you are interested in learning more or want to get in touch with me, please check out my coaching website: https://changeamillionlives.ca
This is my path now. It's my desire to coach & mentor other beautiful human beings on how to live happy, abundant and fulfilling lives, and help you break free from the fear that holds you back, so you can see reality in the most beautiful way.
This really is only just the beginning. As our planet enters into the age of Aquarius, and since I happen to be an Aquarian, I know I will play a huge role in this new age of peace and prosperity.
We are going into something amazing that we have not seen before—the past is in the past and we aren't going to keep acting like barbarians anymore. Humanity wants peace, we want to love and to live in harmony with each other, the news won't tell you this as its very invested in the doom and gloom and keeping humanity in fear, but when the doom doesn't happen, which it won't, it's only a matter of time before the world is embraced with peace, love, and harmony.
This is my message, and will always be my message. I am here to promote peace, love, and light. I am an infinite being of light and I am here to do great things. I will continue my "work" here until the day I die. I have no intentions on ever retiring. I want to help humanity because it's time for us to remember who we truly are so we can ascend to the next level of consciousness.
As the great masters & philosophers have all said: "know thyself."
So there we have it, my transformation story. This is a shorter version of course as I was trying to keep it relatively short, but I am writing out my life story which is going to go much deeper into esoteric and metaphysical topics, because my life has been one truly incredible experience and like I said, it's only just the beginning.
Looking back on my life, it's been a spiritually profound experience, and I want to share it because I believe it can help a lot of people.
My book is currently in progress but will be completed sometime in early 2019. I expect by April 2019 which is when I will self publish it.
"Transformation isn't a future event, it's a present day activity."
Okay, that's all for now! Hope you enjoyed. :)
With Love and Light
About the author
Sharing my stories with the world. Writing has been a great tool for transformation, and I feel like I am only starting to dive deep into the self. Life is a wonderful gift, live to the fullest!
Find me at www.osanawasut.ca