My Own Best Friend

Do you know how to truly love yourself?

I'm not talking about the buzzword type of "self-love" we are constantly bombarded with. Not just things like bubble baths, naps, and buying yourself that new thing you've been eyeing. I'm talking about the kind of love you give your kids, your partner, or your best friend. The way you take into consideration what they want and how they feel. How you go out of your way to show them how you feel about them by cooking them food they like, rubbing their back, and speaking kind, loving words to them. You listen in their darkest times and get excited when they're excited. You simply honor them for who they are. Do you give those things to yourself?

I'm just discovering how little I understand true self-love. This has me reflecting on my path for 2021: How can I stop just talking about self-love and start actually loving myself.

I knew I needed to refocus when, 3 years ago, my marriage fell apart. My focus was on being a wife and mother and so everything else went by the wayside. When I was no longer defined by just being a partner and I had time apart from my children, I began to see that I didn't know how to be alone. I didn't know what I wanted from life. I had lost myself completely and didn't know how to get me back.

So, I am slowly reconnecting with my younger self. I have been spending some quality time with the young woman who was, at one time, so full of passion and yearning. I ask her questions like:

"What are your dreams?"

"What makes your heart race?"

"What makes you feel alive?" and

"How can we make those things happen?"

But first, I need to learn to trust myself again and it has to start in small ways. I have to learn to honor my desires again and decide what is required to take care of myself. I came up with a few things:

Eat more food I love. I will eat more vegetables and fruit. The ones I love like cabbage, spinach, and cauliflower. Mangoes, peaches, and Honeycrisp apples. I endeavor to cook more adventurous foods like Thai and Indian cuisine. I want to concoct stir frys and soups that nourish my body and soul. Get excited to relish in a good chunk of chocolate or a decadent piece of cake.

Say "No" to things that don't serve me. The current state of the world makes this easier, but it's a great time to practice using my voice to say no to things I don't have to do, things I have no interest in doing or don't feel right about.

Dance. Music is the way to my heart. I am going to pump up the volume, shut the curtains, and dance around my living room because it makes me feel alive! Getting my blood pumping is guaranteed to elevate my mood and it's a great form of exercise.

Stop putting energy into empty relationships. I am going to stop spending so much time and energy on people who have no interest in investing in me the way I do in them. This year I am focusing only on loving, healthy relationships, thus letting go of those full of judgment and expectation.

Write. I will challenge myself to be vulnerable and open to opportunities that allow me to express myself in written form. Creative writing. Technical writing. Writing for pleasure and work. I will send it out into the universe and see where it takes me!

When it all comes down to it, 2021 is about becoming my own best friend again. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and say with all sincerity:

"Hey! I really like you!"