Janis Beke

My Own Best Friend

Do you know how to truly love yourself? I'm not talking about the buzzword type of "self-love" we are constantly bombarded with. Not just things like bubble baths, naps, and buying yourself that new thing you've been eyeing. I'm talking about the kind of love you give your kids, your partner, or your best friend. The way you take into consideration what they want and how they feel. How you go out of your way to show them how you feel about them by cooking them food they like, rubbing their back, and speaking kind, loving words to them. You listen in their darkest times and get excited when they're excited. You simply honor them for who they are. Do you give those things to yourself?

What Even is Self-love?

I have to say, I don’t. I’m not talking about the buzzword type of “self-love” we are constantly bombarded with. Not bubble baths, naps and buying yourself that new thing you’ve been eyeing because you deserve it. I’m talking about the kind of love you give your kids, or your partner or your best friend. The way you take into consideration what they want and how they feel. You go out of your way to show them how you feel about them by cooking them food they like, rubbing their back, holding their hand and speaking kind and loving words to them. You listen to them in their darkest times and honour their feelings. You get the picture.

Mothering from Afar

I'm sitting here alone, eating some peanut butter toast with puffy eyes and a heart full of confusing emotions. Those of us who know, know: parenting teens is basically "WTF are they doing? Who TF are they? Who TF am I? Does anyone even know WTF they're doing or who they are anymore??". But then, parenting teens from afar half the time (DURING A PANDEMIC!) because you share custody is next level WTFuuuuuuuckkkk!!

Wildness

I was always told I was a strong, feisty and argumentative little girl. Often, standing beside my more proper, well put together cousins (we were always together) I was fidgety, obstinate and quite clearly not interested in looking the part of a well-behaved girl. Knee socks at my ankles, skirt askew, anything but a proper smile; I didn't want any part of the pretty-girl parade. My facial expressions always gave me away - whether it was an eye roll or a scrunched nose at being asked to stand still or say please and thank you. And let's be honest, I still have a facial expression issue at 39.