My Next 30 Years, Here I Come

I have decided to make some major changes in my life for the next 30-years. Okay, first, let me start off by being honest. I am not a young woman, I'm 56 and I know that 30 years left in life could just be a pipe dream at this point.

However, I believe in the power of positive thinking, so, yeah, I am planning on sticking around at least that much longer. But, as I sit back and reminisce over the years-long gone, I have decided that I must make some critical changes if I have any chance of meeting my life goal.

I have decided that the biggest change I must make is to break free of my alcoholic spouse. Life with a drunk is just too chaotic. My kids are grown, living on their own. That being said, there is really nothing left now that even resembles a good excuse to stay with him.

He has stated that he has no plans on changing who he is, or what he does at this point. We have nothing in common anymore. We eat meals separately, that is if he even eats. We do not have the same hobbies or interests in anything at all.

The alcoholic spouse I have tried to save for the past three-plus decades only cares about one thing, which is getting as drunk as he possibly can for as long as he possibly can.

I have just grown tired of taking care of a man who does not care to work, pay bills, or be a productive member of society. I have things I want to do before my time ends. These things do not include babysitting a 60-year-old man who throws temper tantrums like a toddler.

He cannot drive due to numerous DUIs, and I am not a personal chauffeur. I do not want to spend my time making sure he gets home safely, doesn't set the house on fire because he passes out cold while cooking.

I do not want to have to go outside and pick him up off of the street because he passed out in the middle of it. I will not do laundry for a man who gets so drunk he wets himself.

Nope, no more. I want to enjoy my years. Do the things I have always wanted to do. Write, read, travel, and spend as much time as possible with my family and friends.

So, what I am really passionate about these days is starting a new chapter of my life. One that does not include him. I have given up enough of my years, hoping for a change that I know will never occur.

My vision includes me living in peace. I believe I have more than earned it. Whenever this subject comes up while chatting with friends, I often hear them state that "they don't know how I have done it for so long."

In all honesty, neither do I. But, I guess we adapt to our lives until the universe tells us the time for change has arrived. I don't mean to sound cold or cruel.

It is just when you are done, your done...and I am there. Would it make a difference if he made a total change over now. No, it would not. Too much time has passed, bridges burned, and feelings changed.

What I do hope is he lives his remaining days doing what makes him happy. I wish him no harm or pain. I do not want to hold a grudge. But the time has come for me to move on, and I hope he will find it in his heart to wish me well also.

If he does great, if not, sad, but I can live with that now. So what I guess I need to say is I'm so excited to turn that page and start my next chapter. My next 30-years are there waiting to be written. Ready or not, here I come!