My Love Message

As I sat on the back porch I thought about how beautiful life was . I couldnt have been more than 8 or 9. I remember...I could see straight off the back porch for atleast 2 miles . Nothing but cotton fields lined the property . Between the porch and the cotton was a farm , dogs , fire ants,collard greens, field peas , peach trees, pecans and watermelon. Oh and of course a barn. Every thing I needed was there, It substanded my body, and my mind.

My Nana and Poppa raised me by there selves in my childhood. My mom was over seas, with the Navy.My Nana was a homemaker, artist, herbalist and a nurse, my Poppa was a farmer, a ship-man, a prophet and a handy man. They fit together like glue, Tom and Ann. They had always been in love. They showed us there love often ,hugging, kissing and dancing together. My life was very normalized to family and love. I was hugged tight, given kisses , shown trades and creative abilities . I got whooped with a switch and sent to my room .Theres not one of there kids who ever said they didn't feel loved by Nana and Poppa . The same love they shared with each other, they shared with us , often and all the time. I had no reason to be angry ,or scared, I had southern baptist faith.The type of faith that only developed in a child woes heart was a soft as mine, whos imagination could see galaxy's, whos head was in love and in the clouds. I was always different .

My Poppa often told the story of how sick I was when I was born, my mom was just 19 she would turn 20 two days after me happened. The story goes that when I got home from the hospital I did not say or do anything for 10 days .I was so sick I wouldnt even cry . My Poppa took me up , I was so small I fit in his one hand . He told me he paced the living room holding me ,praying with all his heart. He said he prayed the devil back, and asked God to allow him to keep me . Well I'm here so it obviously worked . If anyone could pray something into existence it would be Poppa. I've never heard anyone pray like he could, it would shake your soul. To my family I was one of a kind, I'm not even 100% sure what I was sick with , but I was treated like it made me very special. We all were treated like what made us different made us special . In Bishopville ,I was loved and protected and God provided for and loved us . That was the tone of life. What I was taught and what I felt .

Bishopville South Carolina was and still is a special place. Slow ,simple and loving. Walking down dirt roads eating wild plums and blackberries,is a memory that I would never forget. I realize its a interesting tale , even fantasy like. The truth is my parents put me in the perfect environment to cultivate a healing and loving soul. I cant say that that they knew what they were doing , I truly believe it was natural instinct and destiny. I was daddy's little girl, and my Nanas protege .I was a dancer, a healer, spiritual, and a great cook and farm hand. Just how they raised me to be.

Well my mom came back after 6 years , we had moved to Baltimore eventually as my ex step dad would be stationed there. I was a pre teen by the time all this happened .I started to grow up, and realized my experiences as a child were different then the real grown up world and not in a good way lol. Out of the confines of my country wonderland ,I was bullied in Baltimore for my kind heart and country clothes . There were no berries as I walked into school, only in the store ,and that sucked.After being chased home from school more than once for not talking and smiling too much, I got tired of being hurt . My sweet heart just couldn't take the beating, I changed , I started fighting back. Even the summer trips back home could not change the damage the people matter of city life was doing to me. The girl that once felt special for her differences just wanted to be like everyone else. I saw no beauty in myself and took on the mean words they said to me and about me. I decided I was gonna whoop anyone who even looked like they where gonna try me. I was sad and mad and would fight you in a heart beat. I had no girlfriends really , 1 here or there .I would stand on the corner with the dope boys, they protected me, I was quiet and unassuming . I could hold drugs for them and no one would ever think I was. Darlene knew something was happening to me though and it wasn't good.

My mom was different , she was born country but had traveled the world. She was cultured , smart and creative. She spoke italian and ebonics. She loved the holidays. She was a dancer as well in her youth and even appeared on TV a time or two. She drank Tanqueray and tonics and smoked Newport short 100's. So the street smarts I lacked , she had , and she could tell that this environment was hurting me more than helping. Where did her sweet country daughter go, who was this angry fighting girl. One day she walked in my room and said " We are either moving to Atlanta or North Carolina, we need a change". Well she wasn't blowing smoke. Divorced now with two kids she moved me and my brother to Atlanta . She said the job in North Carolina did not work out. It was destiny again . She was tough and loyal .She would do anything to protect us, and that's exactly what she did . I was once again safe. Atlanta changed the course of my whole life.

I was brought to Atlanta . I was pissed. I was gonna miss our beautiful house ,all the girls that hated me, holding drugs on the corner ,gun shots and my one friend Takeia. When I got here I made lifelong friends,a lot of them , two many adventures to mention here.There was still something missing tho. I compaired myself to others often. Was needy. Lied. My feelings got hurt a lot , and by everything . I often felt afraid and worried, but I couldn't help but to smile anyway .I tried to fit in flashing my creativeness from time to time dabbling in modeling,and dance and everything inbetween. Searching .After Baltimore I felt different ,a beautiful weirdo,that loved flowers, creating, dancing, music , God and had a child like beginners mind.

Even once I had children and was married ,I still felt different from everyone else,how I thought, how I loved, how everything always hurt my feelings , it made me feel less then a lot. Well ...it got worse after my uncle died, my daughter died, my husband cheated on me(with 6 women)I got divorced at #6 ,my mother died,my nana died ,my father died , my uncle died, my auntie died ,Lawd! Lol After that I spent years of living a confused , depressed and debaucherous life. In 12 years my whole life changed. My two boys were born, my marriage failed, my support system died, my heart broke. I was truly lost, no Bishopville , no Baltimore , no husband , no hope, no light. This person carried on like that for years , searching for that love in men, and things . I longed for all I was missing . I wanted new memories in old places . I had yet to realize that was long gone for me and I was being forced to start over.

On the floor of a hotel room I was renting while I hoped someone would just save me from myself .There were no more tears left to cry , nothing left to pray for , my faith was weak. I decided to do yoga on youtube.. Devine intervention happened and I stumbled upon a guided meditation video. Just like that... I grew...I fell into purpose. My whole life changed....again and finally. I started and just couldn't stop! It made me feel whole, and happy. A sense of peace and a higher connection to God . It felt like home. I started doing it and fell in love and didnt care who was watching. Meeting hundreds of people than feel alot like me . Empathtic souls , full of hope , and love. Just like that I wasnt alone, or weird . I was Shani Michelle and here once again my different was beautiful.

Five years later I have a professional diploma in meditation and alternative healing, Color therapy certification, Aromatherapy certification, 16 Point Acupressure certification,my Reiki level one certification, and then level two and today in October 2021 I will be a certified Reiki Master! I just cant even believe I can say all that! The life of Reiki has opened me up to people who think like me, love like me and talk like me . I have people from all over the world who I've never met , who tell me they love me, pray for me , and hope I have a great day in the groups and circles I've now surrounded myself with . The Love and non judgement I was taught as a child thrives in this environment. It has filled a lot of my voids simply by filling me up with love . I feel my family so much more, there love will never die.

I've taught classes, been a guess speaker and have touched tons of others with my loving hands. I mean tons is a stretch, but soon it will be a reality : ) My clients range from nurses, doctors, massage therapist , realtors, fitness coaches, and several military personnel. I listen to there stories, used all my training and developed loving healing products for them to take home to continue the processes they start with me. Thru the guidance of the energy set for me as a child , I grabbed my scissors started cutting dried flower buds off of stems trimming rough edges , placing there beauty in my products. When I put my scissors down I created Chakra balancing dried flower baths, House blessing oil, Intention oils, cleansing hand spray and more . Who would have ever thought this was me. I have tons of love to give and now I can share it! In this environment I am unapologeticlly me . I create new ways of healing constantly and share it. What ever is beautiful and healing that pops in my head, im creating it, my hands are working ,making it a reality.

My parents made me this way and they are very very proud of me. Yes, that is something that I know. All three of them encouraged me to believe in my differences and know I'm special and on purpose. Even though it was something I forgot along the way it never left me, I remembered! Nothing that has ever happened to me was not on purpose. Good and bad. Every single thing keeping me safe , molding me and guiding me back to the little girl on the porch.My true heart and self. Even with my fairy tale childhood , I've learned some hard truths. One of the most important is the better you are the better the people you encounter are . On the other hand the worse you are ...well you get the point . Keep in mind your love can vibrate into generations.

Life is going to have its ups and downs but you have to believe in the light inside of you, because it will always lead you .. May not see it today, or tomorrow but you are always on the way back . As long as you let your good experiences in life lead you , and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Light will guide your way. Even thru the twist and turns. I cannot tell you what you are suppose to do in life, I have no idea ,but I can teach to breathe, soak, oil , spray and pray yourself into a happy life. A life that the good are memories and the bad is the past. Where you honor where you came from and dismiss things that no longer serve your soul. That's the gift I was given to share with the world. I have found my purpose ,and if I can everyone can. It doesn't have to make you rich or famous, it just has to benefit the world and make you come alive!

Thank you for letting me tell my truth and share my joy with you, I wont stop. The better I am , the better you are. I don't make beauty products , I make healing products that are beautiful. I guess that's just the Bishopville in me. All my love to the world ...Love always Shani