My Aspirations for 2024

I joined Vocal in May 2022, and didn’t write a single thing for the entire year. I saw it advertised, and had extra money that month, so I decided ‘sure, why not?’ and paid for the year subscription. I saw emails come through every once in a while, for the challenges, and ‘What’s on Vocal?,’ but I never bothered to read them or have a go.

I was on holiday in Tenby, Wales (beautiful place by the way) with my boyfriend and his family in May last year, when I tried to pay for some souvenirs and my card was declined. The signal wasn’t great in the area, so while we were in a cafe having lunch, I spent most of the time with my nose stuck in my phone, trying to access my bank account to see why my card wasn’t working. (Don’t worry, I had cash to pay for my dragon statues and fairy doors).

My yearly subscription had gone out for Vocal. I had seen an email about a week prior stating the money would be taken, and I thought I’d cancelled the account. It didn’t work the way I thought, the subscription was still being taken for 2033, but I’d managed to cancel it for 2024. I didn’t read it very well and was therefore very annoyed with myself that the rest of my holiday money had been spent on something, that prior to this year, I considered fairly useless to me. Of course, it was my own fault, so I was out about £80, and I had a year subscription to a creative writing site I’d never before used.

I was annoyed about it at first, and then decided, ‘I’ve already paid for it for the whole year, I might as well get some practice and maybe some money out of it.’ So May 2023 is when I first started to enter the challenges on Vocal. If you’ve seen my work, you can easily tell I’m not particularly good, especially with distinctive styles of writing such as poetry. I re-read some entries, even newer ones, and cringe at myself so hard my vision goes fuzzy. But I told myself that I’d try my best to enter each challenge. My aim was to try to win the money back that I’d paid for the subscription. I was ecstatic when I saw I’d received a ‘runner up’ in the ‘Tales Retold’ Challenge, as my life goal is to write my own versions of Fairy Tales. As usual, I have been leaving writing entries to the challenges until the last minute (apologies to those who judge the entries, one of my resolutions this year is to submit them at least 24 hours before they are due, not 24 minutes).

And I was in utter disbelief when I found out I was one of the winners of the ‘Under a Spell’ Challenge. I always liked to see what the winning entries were (and to see if I had been mentioned of course) and I always sort of skim to the end of the page, where you can see the list of all the winners. And I recognised some of the writers’ names, so I read through their entries and was like ‘wow, that’s so creative! These people have such an amazing imagination.’ And then I went back to the top to see who the first place was, and I saw the same title as one of my entries, next to my name.

I went back out of it and clicked the link several times, and then I even waited for my laptop to charge up (I keep letting it run to dead - another New Year’s resolution I guess) to log into my account. And sure enough, at the top of my profile, it says ‘First Place’ clear as day. I couldn’t stop smiling, and immediately had to run downstairs with a laptop balanced on one hand to show my mom, and then my sister.

I have always wanted to be a writer, even between the other career options I’ve considered and worked in. I’ve never before had my work seen by people outside of my immediate family, and I don’t even show them most of what I do. It definitely put me way outside of my comfort zone when I decided to use this site to write, to explore different genres of writing and to have complete strangers read and comment on my works. And I cannot express how thankful I am that this place was created. I’ve had so much positive feedback from the few entries I have made, and the fact that I was chosen to be a first-place winner gives me such a boost of courage. I never really thought anyone would like my ideas, they are usually a different idea than I’ve been presented with, and I always felt people would think I’m strange for going on such a weird tangent.

If anything, to sum up the essay I’ve just made you read through (sorry this was so long already), the last year on Vocal (or seven months if I go by when I started actually writing) has made me think much harder about my desire to be an author. I’ve not put too much effort into actually writing down my ideas before, and usually end up giving up on it. But the people on this website have shown me that all I need to do is try. If I had just accepted that I’d paid for the year, and ignored it like the year before, I would not have written 43 entries to different challenges, and I definitely would not have been given any prizes for doing nothing.

I will never have a finished book if I do not write it. I will never have feedback unless I share my work with people. And I will never achieve who I desperately want to be if I give up every time my mind goes blank or if something ‘more important’ comes up. I so easily have turned away from a blank page and turned on the TV, spending countless hours watching reruns of the same shows because I can’t be bothered.

This year, I aspire to write. To enter challenges here, on Vocal. To get my ideas down on paper or on a screen, anywhere I can see them somewhere not in my head. I want to find a way to do it, and to have fun as well. It sometimes seems like a chore, to get a page done when my mind’s full of work. This year, I come first. Jobs and careers put food on the table, but I’m not going to let it rule my mind anymore. It should be full of stories, and nothing else. Thank you.

I love reading about fantasy, it’s my favourite genre and always has been. I mostly read stories that are centred around fantasy, in an imaginative world with rules and laws so different to our own. I would also like to practise my skills in poetry. It is a style of writing I have come across often, but I personally feel that it is one of the most difficult writing styles, as I am much more engaged by story writing (narrative). I want to write something, somewhere, at least once a week. Not every week will I post something on Vocal, but I still want to continue to develop my ideas and skills, either online, on a word document, in a notebook, in the spare few minutes I have a day at work etc.

I definitely am going to read other writers’ work more often. Too much of my time last year was spent just glancing at the titles, this year I want to engage with other creator’s work. All of the stories I have come across have been beautifully written, developed, and draw my interest within the first few lines. I want to support their work, so I am going to spent at least an hour per week reading through, commenting, liking and following other artists.

I hope that trying out the Challenges that Vocal produces will increase the types and styles of writing that I am capable of doing. I have always tended to stick to the same genre types (fantasy, medieval), but I have had so much fun using different genres (mystery, historical) as a basis for stories. Having the prompt, that we can take in any direction, has been such an amazing way that I can develop ideas. I hope to continue this year with attempting as many challenges as I can, and to try to use different genres/time periods/etc to create something utterly unique.

I am making this promise to myself:

I promise to write every week, starting today.

I promise to stop giving up at each mental roadblock.

I promise to TRY my best.

I promise to keep my pen on my paper, until I can no longer write.

I promise to keep faith in myself and my abilities.

I promise to use the skills I've learned this past year on Vocal to help myself to write more THIS YEAR.

I will not give up. I will not stop.

I promise to spend more of my time writing instead of dreaming of life as a writer. I will make my dreams my reality, no matter how long it takes me.

I will write each week, even if its only a few lines, and at the end of the year, I will write a compilation of my works. I want to be able to see a change in my abilities, so I promise myself that I will try my best to have the mindset of a writer.

I am more capable than I give myself credit for. I will believe in myself.