Moving Forward

Moving forward, such a bold statement to make. Change is coming, this is true, because to move forward, there has to be change. Change in my choices and change in my life.

Not really sure how to go about moving forward exactly. Right now I am blessed to wake up each day and give it another shot. I am gifted by God with so many blessings. I have learned to let go of that steering wheel and see where it leads me. It can still be scary not knowing the outcome of my choices, but onward I must go.

My days always begin with taking my puppy outside to run and bark, and basically go pee. I sit or walk with her as I smoke a cigarette and drink my coffee to wake myself up. I feed her and we enjoy the sounds of the world waking up. The squirrels racing from tree to tree, the humming birds flapping at top speed as they drink in their nectar. The days start with peace.

Six days a week we then go back inside and I get ready for work. I used to give my husband a kiss goodbye, he's gone now. So, I kiss my puppy, turn up the Christian music radio to keep her company and lock up the house.

Driving to work, I talk with God, and mentally prepare myself for the day. I never know what is in store for me since I work with the public. Every day is a new adventure, and has a new lesson to be learned.

After work I run my errands and maybe swing by my friends to unwind with a cup or two of coffee. I then race home to relieve my pup from the confides of being locked inside all day.

While she runs around the yard, barking and jumping and enjoying her sense of freedom, I unload the truck or just grab my bag. I sit on the deck and contemplate my day.

In all honesty, all days seem to run together of late; just one continuous line that hasn't reached the end yet. Since I work with the public and in an environment with co-workers I usually have prayers to pray. Every day is a journey for me. Just today I met a man whom said 13 is his lucky number. It is close to Halloween so I said, "really..." He says it's the day he met his wife and the same date he married her. We talk more and he says to me she passed in March. Wow, my heart constricts for this stranger. A new boss at my workplace looked displaced when I got to work, later to tell me his younger sister, whom needs a transplant to live has been denied, he tells me her name and I said a prayer for him and his sister. Then before I leave, a regular comes to me, looking lost. His father has passed and the funeral is in two days.

So much pain and loss in so many people. I pray and talk to God about each and everyone who crosses my path. I mentioned earlier about a change coming. Well some believe the world is ending, but even so, the change is in me. With my husband gone, my pup and I are alone a lot. My inner being is at a new level of peace.

Having given up my desire to control life, I have learned to enjoy the somewhat bumpy ride of my life. I totally enjoy the "new" me and this new inner peace.

I am far from perfect, but I wish all could feel this peace on a daily basis. God has taught me a lot about myself, I am eager to see what is in store for me tomorrow.