More Time

More Time

“So here I go today. Same as always. Hey guys. My name’s Syreen and I am going to be rich and comfortable one day. I absolutely know that I am. When I was born, there was nothing but positivity and blessings in this world for me. I have always had a pretty good life until I graduated. After graduation, I just could never really figure out what I wanted to do in life. You know, could not figure out my calling. I have no idea what I was put here to do. I have had so many jobs and career changes. My life is so stale and troublesome. My mind always, oh wait. Where is my black journal? Give me a moment guys. I must find my journal. Journaling helps me. I’ve been doing it for about a year now.”

“Last night was very emotional for me. It is the two-year anniversary of my miscarriage and Loy’s death. That crucial day changed my world and snatched my soul. I got through this anniversary without alcohol or drugs. I believe I am doing so much better and I’m able to begin moving forward with life decisions. If only we had stayed in that night. There I go again. It is not your fault Syreen. We have gone through this in therapy. We will revisit this later today. Bye for now.”

“So where was I, oh yes. My mind is always wandering away from me. I have managed to put my life back together after the many setbacks though. My childhood and high school friends have, for the most part, moved on and started families and careers of their own. I feel so out of the loop. Through all the negatives in my life, I have found one satisfying vice that quiets my pain and wandering mind. Scratch offs!!!! Any form of gambling really. I do not feel that I have an addiction or anything. I just like to be around all the noise and feel the rush of winning regularly. That is all. I buy scratchers all the time.

“Almost two years ago, I needed to calm the suffering of my heart and mind. I took up casinos and scratchers because I don’t have to think, and my mind is not running all the time. I am in the gas stations and grocery stores buying all sorts of high-priced scratch off tickets so I can win and start over with a fresh, new life. I spend nothing less than $200 dollars every visit. The casino is worse at $400 per visit at minimum. I was almost put out several times for not making rent, but my parents helped at first, but I think they have gotten tired of my cycle. No one understands that if I just hit this one jackpot, I can move forward in life and be so happy. They keep telling me that my ways are going to drive me deeper into depression and cause me so many financial hardships. I just cannot see it though. I truly believe the winning money would make my life and love so much better. As a matter of fact, it is payday, gotta go.”

“Hey, thanks sweetheart. Almost done with this. Can I get another Long Island Tea? Thanks.” Come on you machine. I have been feeding you money for 2 hours now. You are so hot, and I will not be getting up just to let someone else win my money. Oh, four in a row. Come on, I know we’re almost there. Another four in a row. Come on, do not let me down Luxury Living slot. We have such history. Wait! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God!!! Is that five gold coins?! That IS five gold coins!!! I won! I won!!! Oh my God I won!!! “I won, I won!!” I hear the casino workers, but it sounds so mumbled to me. I do hear them telling me that they will tend to me. They must verify the machine. Someone must come out and verify that the machine has not been tampered with. There were really no problems I had with the machine. They were so nice but, once I came out of my immediate fog, they made me so angry after a while. “What do you mean I can only have $24,000.00 to leave with?! What do you mean I have an annuity option? I will be back with my attorney to discuss the rest of my money.” I am livid right now. How do they just automatically give me an annuity option? “Yes, I have my paperwork for total amount and pay out. Can you give me $10,000.00 in chips? I’m going to come try my luck again soon.” This day has been so awesome.

Walked out of the casino on Cloud 9 to hire a lawyer to discuss the rest of my winning options. “OMG! I have so much to say to that beautiful black book today. Pen to paper soon as I get in today.” Mr. Jakes is a very knowledgeable attorney and give me such good advice and is printing my paperwork to take back to the casino. Mr. Jakes will meet me there first thing in the morning, bright and early. I have had such excitement today and I am EXHAUSTED through all these beautiful emotions. I always drop these keys. Aargh…darkness. No feeling at all. I cannot even feel my body. No, I was just starting to live again. I had a brand-new future. No, I needed more time. They must have followed me all day. I need more time.