Mindfulness vs. Forgetfulness

I have always considered myself to be a very spiritual person. And, as such, I have wandered, swam, twirled and slept my way through a plethora of spiritually inspired rituals and traditions.

I think my worst experience may have been the spinning class. A friend of mine insisted that spinning in 22 circles while holding one's thumb upright and focusing upon it brought her instant clarity. I assumed that one could never be too clear and so I joined her in a spinning session. Everyone else made it through to the end and I swear I saw halos appearing above their heads. Or, that may have just been the delirium before I threw up on the instructors feet. It was a long ride home.

I once went to a workshop in which people found out the nature of their spirit animal. Folks all around me "woke" up after the meditation and talked about seeing lions and tigers and bears. When my turn came around, I stammered out "dog". The instructor spoke of loyalty and trust. I just didn't have the heart to mention that the dog I saw was Scooby-Doo.

Basically, I have seen my guardian angel, who was hovering above me with fairy wings, elf ears and a tail. I pounded on a drum until I was told to please stop because I was making everyone else lose their rhythm. Chanting didn't work well either because I just couldn't seem to find my key. I was either soprano or bass while everyone else was alto or tenor. I have been anointed, manipulated, and even spit upon during healing modalities. It was all good and all informative.

But, I have to say that my latest adventure in mindfulness training was the toughest.

To begin with, I have the focus level of a hummingbird. I have tried meditation several times, and I either wound up going to sleep or worrying about why the flame on the candle I was holding in my inner vision kept going out. So, when my friend, not the one from the spinning class, invited me to go to mindfulness training, I was understandably not all that eager to attend. Eventually she managed to bribe me into going with the promise of an ice cream sundae on the way home.

We settled in among the spiritual peeps with our pillows and light blankets to begin our mindfulness journey. The teacher began by explaining that mindfulness was all about staying in the moment. As she spoke about focusing one's mind in the present, I was wondering if I wanted vanilla or chocolate ice cream in my sundae. Or, perhaps I would have both flavors.

As I drooled amid my ice cream themed daydream I realized that everyone else was now snuggled down and enjoying their present moment. And, once again, my inner candle flame kept going out.

I honestly think at one point I almost reached the nirvana of mindfulness, but then I totally forgot what I was supposed to be doing once I got there. And, my foot itched. The more I tried to stay in the moment, the more my foot was begging me to scratch it. Thankfully, the meditation was ending and I was able to nonchalantly scratch my offending body part.

I guess what it all boils down to is that my spiritual talent, so to speak, is forgetfulness. I am really very good at forgetting things. I walk from the living room to the kitchen and forget why I am there. I find myself heading in the wrong direction on my way to work. I call my kids by whatever name comes to mind at the moment. And, I forget important additions to recipes, like the flour or the baking soda. I have been asked to please not bring a dessert to social gatherings. Most of the time it either bounces or sticks to the walls.

Another one of my friends has invited me to go to a firewalking class. I'm not so sure that is a very good idea. Sigh.. the more spiritual I become, the more of my friends I seem to lose.