LOVE ME

When I finished writing "HER BATTLE" I was in awe to be honest. The words just seemed to flow perfectly and before I could even reread any bit of it, I had ended it with the words "Once Upon A Time" I took a deep breath and started to really take in what I had some how just accomplished. I reach the end and asked myself why would it make sense to close anything with those words. It was open ended instead of a closure. It took me a few minutes but I realized that this could not be the end of my story. I then planned make this a trilogy. Not only did this make me focus on positive thoughts, but also it gave me a sense of need. I needed to stay O.K. so that I could finish telling my story.

I had absolutely no idea what the next two parts would entail. I only knew that it was a must. That I had given myself to this project and I had to stay on task and fulfill it to the best of my ability.

Please know that depression is a silent killer. I put on my smile every day and hid my tears every night. I felt so very ashamed of myself for many different reasons. All the grand plans I had for myself now just seem more like silly, unrealistic hopes from an innocent childs mind. There is nothing I have found to wash all my depression away, but sharing my emotions and seeing them in writing has helped tremendously.

Before I share the second writing of this trilogy, I want to share one titled "LOVE ME". I am an extremely outgoing person. I do not know the meaning of a stranger. All of my life I have tried to make sure everyone around me was taken very good care of and shown love. Again though, at night, I hid my tears because I just wasn't content with myself. When I wrote this, I had no idea where it was going. I just wrote words on paper and then read them together. I can only thank our higher power for helping me to finally understand myself and I have been able to do this by reading my papers.

I hope that this helps at least one other person out there that is maybe feeling the same as I always did but did not truly grasp what was wrong.

LOVE ME

What is wrong with me?

Why is it impossible to be?

Is it too much to ask?

Is there even an answer to this task?

All I've ever wanted was to smile, and not just once in a while

I'm sick and tired of all the fake. Will this nightmare end? Or is this the last I able to take?

My eyes open, I look around. Where is this “JOY”? Can it be found?

Even though I have given you my all

Why must I always end up alone to fall?

I feel so very lost, completely empty like a ghost

I pray for help to understand, please take me by the hand

Guide me, for I am blind and can not see. I put all my trust in Thee

I must give you my heart, this is where I have to start

I am searching for the day, when I can truthfully say

When I've wanted to die is now just a lie

As I gaze into the mirror, I can see things clearer

I've been fighting this battle inside of me, but I AM EXACTLY as I was created to be

I will stand and be strong. For now I know it wont be long

I will bring this evil to an end, One that my God did not intend

Being in HIS hands, these problems are small, like grains of sand

HE has made me finally see. In order to have a happy life. I must first learn to LOVE ME

12/06/2018

CRYSTALBRYANNATHOMAS