Love Is Part XVI

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

The courage to change the things I can.

And the wisdom to know the difference.

- The Serenity Prayer

THE PHARAOH

My Purpose keeps adjusting and changing, but I believe at the heart of it, I am meant to be a lover and healer in the world. A force to help keep and adjust the balance of light and freedom in the universe. I have been sent here to be a leader and example for people, to break their chains and bonds, to lead them to better ways of living and enjoying life, and to protect life and foster it in my kingdom.

I learned to love my shortcomings and faults, because those are the things that make me human, relatable, and where the beauty of God and life shows itself. I learned to see the world like a mirror; whatever I experience is telling me something about myself.

REDISCOVERY OF SPIRIT

From birth, I have always felt God’s presence with me—guiding me when I truly needed it. Looking back on my life, that presence has been the one constant, and now, more than ever, I realize that I have been connected all along. That realization frees me. Everything I have experienced has led me to this moment in my journey, and that in itself is beautiful. It has made me more grateful and humble than ever before.

I look at myself in the mirror and I admire myself. I look at everything— the things I love about myself and things I would like to change. I practice accepting my flaws, giving grace to myself and others. I talk to myself lovingly and out loud.

Lack of communication has affected so many of my relationships and honestly it has hurt me deeply. It is through this hurt that I am taking more action and steps to show up in the world and to stop hiding myself away or lowering my own presence.

TRANSCENDED TRINITY

If I had all the finances needed to carve out my dream life, I would just live better and stress free. It’s that simple. I would travel the world often. Most of my funds would be spent on food to be honest. I love to eat. I’d hire a chef. I would make meals from scratch with high quality ingredients. I would dine out at the best restaurants. I’d go to retreats and other countries where I can study the land and the food that grows there. I would have bountiful gardens filled with the most beautiful flowers, fresh fruits and veggies, herbs and ganja to commune with the ancestors.

My intentions would be to cater to my gut health while exploring flavors and cultural food for the soul. I’d buy land and lots of it in many places to start villages and my own towns where I’d have people that I trust to run them. These villages would have schools, gardens, holistic health and wellness centers, our own banks and markets for trading and buying. I’d help the children. As many as I can and in as many ways as I am able to. The children are the future but they are also a gift of the present and they need to be cared for. They are the purpose and the reason.

PEACE TIMES THREE

If I could change one thing about the past it would be how I handled the hearts of others when I was wounded or uninterested truly. Although I speak about love and intimacy, I haven’t always been a loving and intimate person. I spent a lot of my years carelessly handling the hearts and minds of others that would take a bullet for me. Selfishness, ego and lack of awareness may have been the primary factors. Other times it was just out of recklessness and a desire for freedom due to my fear of commitment.

In my youth, it didn’t make sense to have companionship. I didn’t understand why everyone around me held relationships so close to the heart when all I wanted was to be out in the world without feeling tied down by someone else and what they wanted out of life. I never wanted to be responsible for someone else, especially their emotions. I can hardly get a grip on my own.

Traveling has always been a vital aspect of my world but recently it has taken on a new meaning. I have been in Chiang Mai Thailand for 3 months now and I have completely and totally expanded in all ways. I’ve discovered the importance of language. Knowing how to speak multiple languages instantly makes you a key in foreign places. You become valuable to other cultures when you take the time to speak the native tongue of whatever country you are in.

I have dreams of Barcelona. I fantasize about the art, the food and the beautiful women. I imagine myself there wandering around museums in colorful dresses, making music and eating pasta on Tuesdays just because. Costa Rica, Peru, Australia and Germany are also quite fascinating to me . I want to be near the ocean and the jungle. With people that believe in magic, love , prayer and enlightenment. Somewhere that I can be naked and free, freely.

Evan once asked me to describe the perfect date and I actually think about this often and how it’s a full day experience. When I close my eyes I envision waking up in a king sized bed with all white covers. The balcony door open and the wind blowing softly from the outdoors. I’d awaken to a forehead kiss and breakfast in bed. Something light, but knowing me, it would be pasta. I’m assuming we are in Barcelona.

My lover and I would take a hot bath together, cleansing one another to prepare for the day. I’d slip into a floor length maroon colored dress with my red lipstick, per usual. I imagine us hitting the town making a stop at an art museum where my lover would admire the creations of artists, while also admiring me because I am certainly statuesque. We would take a boat ride on the river, I don’t drink alcohol so I’d have cold pressed juice in my wine glass instead. After our boat ride, we would go to a jazz spot to listen to live music and to dance. I love jazz and I’ve always wanted to shimmy with my lover. I’d slow dance until my feet hurt.

The sun would be setting at this point. I’m hungry. We would go to a restaurant on the beach where our table by the shore and I would tie my dress at the bottom, take my shoes off and bury my feet in the sand. I’d order an appetizer, two entree’s and a desert for my lover because I don’t like sweets. We would laugh and hold hands while gazing into eachothers eyes. At some point throughout dinner I would have my lover sit next to me in hopes that the right hand of my beloved would discreetly find its way under my dress because the ocean wouldn’t be the only thing that’s soaking wet.

After stuffing our faces, we would take a walk along the sea shore. Sharing secrets and desires. Expressing gratitude for eachother and the day we co-created together. As the night air becomes too cool, we make our way back to our sanctuary where we take another bath, this time with rose petals, eucalyptus and lavender essential oil, and a little honey just to seeeten the night. I’d guide my lover to the bed for a deep tissue massage. We’d end the night making love, tussling in the soft white covers as the breeze from the ocean swiftly fills our room through the balcony door. The perfect date. Need I say more?

THE CHALLENGER

Lust and anger—along with the need for control and mistrust—have been cycles that kept me bound for too long. But I’ve come to realize that these patterns were merely distortions of my true emotions, twisted by fear and a sense of lack. Now, I see them for what they are, and in that awareness, I reclaim my power. Recognizing them allows me to break free from the illusion that they define me. I no longer have to react blindly—I can choose differently, consciously, and with intention. Surrendering to life, letting go of excessive control, and embracing trust are the steps I’m taking to free myself. And in doing so, I remind myself that I have the power to make new choices at any moment.

In my family, there has been a generational curse of not having strong male role models—at least, none that were consistently present to guide me on my journey. My cousin was the closest thing to a male role model I had, and he was a decent one, but I didn’t have him through most of my life. He was a twin, and his twin wasn’t a great role model. My cousin passed away a long time ago, and beyond that, there hasn’t been a man in my family whom I could truly rely on.

Now, I have broken this cycle and embody a balanced being—embracing both my masculine and feminine energies. I want to provide nurturance, security, structure, and safety for myself and my loved ones. I am committed to building a strong family, grounded in the growth mindset I have cultivated, ensuring that future generations have the guidance and support I never had.

THE OTHER SIDE OF FEAR

Dear Evan,

You beautiful, sweet, and innocent little boy—I love you. You are a shining light, a blessing to this world, and so much more than you realize right now. I want you to know that all the heartache you’re feeling, the loneliness of not having your father nearby, and the powerlessness that weighs on you—it will not last forever. I see you, and I honor the strength in you.

I know that right now, dancing with Imani’s Dream is your safe haven, the one thing keeping you grounded. Hold on to that joy. Let it move through you, let it remind you that you are meant to express yourself, to shine, to take up space in this world. Everything you are going through is shaping you into an even stronger and more beautiful person.

I need you to hear this: There is nothing wrong with you. Not one thing. You are not broken. You are not inadequate. You are a product of your parents and your environment, but neither defines your future. This is not your fault, and this is not your forever. The fire inside of you—your drive, your ambition, your hunger for growth—will take you far beyond where you are now. You will rise, not just despite what you’ve been through, but because of it.

If there’s one piece of advice I could give you, it’s this: Be yourself and speak your truth. You’ve already missed moments where you could have shared your feelings, where you could have stood in your power—but don’t let that pattern continue. The world is waiting to hear from you. Your voice matters. Your feelings matter. The more you share, the more connection, love, and beauty you will experience in your life. Don’t hold back, Evan. You are meant to soar.

I am so proud of you. I can’t wait for you to grow into the incredible man you are becoming. You will live the life you dream of. You will love yourself more than you ever thought possible. Stand tall. Be proud. You are the Phoenix, and you will rise.

With light, love, and infinite blessings,

- Your higher and future self

Καλυψώ

I resonate deeply with Frida Kahlo. I feel her spirit in the ethers. Her story is so deep and filled with grief and pain. Conquer and triumph. Loneliness and compromise. Like Kahlo, I’ve always felt prone to despair. Her love for Diego makes me weep. He was monstrous and bold. Arrogant and selfish. A man filled with lust, greed and insecurity. Yet he was one of the greatest artists to have ever lived. He had power. He wasn’t handsome by any means, yet the ladies flocked to him with ease. I always fall for ugly men with aggressive spirits and external charm. I’ve loved men and fought hard to understand them even if my curiosity brought me to my own demise. Frida’s expression of love towards Diego feels so familiar. So similar to the way my own heart moves.

I also deeply resonate with Calypso. The word Calypso means “she who conceals”. She was a Greek nymph who lived on her own isolated island and she fell in love with Odysseus. She detained him on her island and forced him to be her husband for 7 years. Odysseus, against his will, stayed until Zeus ordered Hermes to instruct Calypso to release him from her island at once. She did as she was told.

I feel like I’m that kind of lover. If my beloved ever tries to leave me, I’ll just pack my bags & tag along.

THE SOFTER SIDE OF A WOMAN

I’ve always wanted to be a soft woman with an easy going life. I strive to be a relaxed woman. A kept woman. I remember growing up, I was always drawn to the women in the movies who were strikingly stunning, tall, well mannered and well cared for. With a wealthy companion, luxurious lifestyle, and maybe a kid. Perhaps …without the kid actually. I just visualized a screaming 1 year old throwing a temper tantrum on my white marble floors in the kitchen while I make bread from scratch and for some reason, that doesn’t fit my original vision and I’ve never been a fan of improv.

I want a lover that grew up in a home where his parents were in love and he got to witness that first hand. I want his parents to adore me. In return I will be his safe space to land , his peaceful retreat from the world will be me. I will hold his hand as he navigates through the hardships and adversity of life. I will reaffirm him, listen to him, bring forth clarity to him through my Oracle advice. I want a balanced life. I wish to be a traditional wife AND a business woman by choice not by force.

Even with all of that being said, I’m most likely going to end up marrying a woman and adopting a kid from Asia, living a peaceful life off grid in a tiny home. The plot thickens.

I need a community of feminine energy to help me heal the parts of myself that reject motherhood and close friendship. It’s time for me to forgive myself for allowing men that were unworthy of me, to experience me. The gift I’ve gained from the healing of the womb space has been learning my value and sacredness. It’s time to release the shame, guilt and resentment within my bloodline. The cycle of the wounded womb in my family, ends with me.

During each phase of my life, I lean into more self discovery of the power of the tongue and how, as a divine feminine, it is my duty to speak life into myself and others as what I express is a divine reflection of god and my own connectivity to source.

My super power is that people listen to what I say , therefore I have impact as a speaker. In this chapter I am figuring out all the ways spirit is instructing me to use my voice, words and intention to bring forth healing to the masses.

We are here to be free and to experience lessons that are set forth to help us evolve and transcend our souls. We are here to design the life we want to live and we do so by the thoughts we have, the emotions we feel and the actions we take. So tell me, if you truly understood the power within, what reality would you create?

Co-Writer: Evan Ivery-Long

Photographer: Gabriel Wilkenson IG: @capturedstl Website: https://www.capturedstl.com