Less Guilt, More Me Time

Everyone always seems to champion alone time and taking the time to rejuvenate yourself. While I appreciate the sentiment and the encouragement to take that time for me, am I the only one who feels guilty?

I am a grad student, a researcher, an assistant, a writer, an editor, a consultant, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a dog mom, and a human. Every day, I feel like I have a million things on my plate. Everyone is always asking me to do things. Whether it be to edit their paper, help them with a work application, discuss the most recent gossip, take on the extra case, or spend my evening entertaining them, it always seems to be something.

What I've come to realize is that I'm too much of a people person to say no, and even though the voice inside me is screaming to be selfish for once, I still feel like I can't let anyone down. I always give and have forgotten how to take.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Just say no and move on! Oh, how I wish it was that simple.

I am at the point where I have forgotten what it means to rest. Even when I am blessed with a free hour, I spend the entire hour wondering what to do with myself. I spend so much time thinking about what I could do that before I know it, I've got two minutes left of my free time.

An entire hour wasted. And the guilt sets in.

I feel guilty because I like to read, but I couldn't pick up the book.

I feel guilty because I like to write, but I couldn't pick up my pen.

I feel guilty because I like to run, but I couldn't put on my running shoes.

I feel guilty because I like to do yoga, but I couldn't roll out my mat.

I feel guilty because I like to bake, but I couldn't choose a recipe.

I feel guilty because I'd like to take a bath, but I couldn't start the water.

And now I feel guilty because I like to do all these things, but I couldn't take the time to do it for myself. Instead, I spent the hour figuring out what I wanted to do. I spent the hour worrying that if I took the time to enjoy what I love, I wouldn’t be able to stop.

This is what I would like to change in 2022.

In 2022, I want to take the time to unapologetically be me. I will spend this time resting and enjoying my me time. But I can't feel guilty about it. And, so what if I can't stop? So what if I want to stay up all night finishing that book? So what if I want to go on a 10 mile run? It's about taking time for myself and making sure I feel rested. After all, it's difficult to help others when you can't even help yourself.

I will pick a book that I love, and I will read it.

I will pick up my pen and start writing.

I will put on my running shoes and hit the pavement.

I will roll out my yoga mat and spend time meditating.

I will dust off my favorite and bake my favorite treats.

I will draw myself a bath and soak until I feel rested.

Here is to a more restful and more satisfying 2022. Here's to taking care of myself before I take care of others. Here is to being able to say no, understanding my boundaries, and respecting my own limits. Here's to understanding what I need to do to make sure that I don't feel lost.

Here is to less guilt and more me time.