Journey of enlightenment...

Standing on a wide wood balcony over looking the cliffs of Carmel, California; the sun was setting over the western horizon as my fingers locked their grip on the top tier of the balcony. I was set to jump... I wanted to fly away and disappear over the distant horizon, but I knew if I jumped, I would fall to my death, far down into the rocks below me.

The madness of the pain in my heart and in my head told me it would be far, far better to jump than continuing life this way. How else could I escape the madness of the life I was living; I needed to jump in order to be free of it. No one would miss me was the thought roaming around in my head, looking for a reason to jump.

Just as I was beginning to crawl up to the top tier of the balcony - I heard a voice speak to me clear as day. It was a deeper voice than the one I normally heard in my head. It said, "Instead of jumping for real, and ending your life. Why don't you take a journey; a journey across the open Sea to a place far beyond your pain and sorrows.?"

"Take a leap of faith in your mind's eye - I will guide you to where you need to go." I took a long last look at the sun setting on the distance horizon and closed my eyes. The voice spoke again, "Go ahead. Take a leap of faith, and allow yourself to fall. " I took a visual leap off the balcony and began to fall.

The voice suddenly said, "Look within your minds eye and see that you are a bird - open your wings and fly." I was not a sea gull, or any other ordinary bird. I was the raven, black as night. The wind began rushing through my feathers, as I flapped them faster and faster. I could hear the winds rush, past my ears as I soared down, down, down, over the top of the tides, breaking on the rocky shores below me, the whitecaps whipped and spat at me one by one, as I began to cross over the deep blue sea.

I could see with my eyes on both sides of my head, as the mighty cool winds began to lift me up higher and higher, with the suns warm rays pushing down on my black back, warmer and warmer, until it began to feel hot. I could smell the sea air filling my lungs and out again, my heart pounding a mile a minute. I opened my mouth to speak; a loud caw pierced the sky and then another one, and another.

It was then that I realized, it was the voice of the raven speaking to me from within my mind. It said, "You are on a spiritual journey. You are going to travel to a far away land, across the vast sea and there you will discover who you truely are now close your wings, and choose to fall fall again, down into the sea." I closed my wings and began to fall down, down, down and plunged into the sea.

Immediately I was a dolphin. I moved up and down in a powerful, fast motion, moving, graceful, and elegant, smooth as silk, jumping in and out of the sea. I saw the world through sound vibrations; Echos returning back to me as I sang out with clicks and chirps, looking for my pod family. We moved through the waters of the deep in unison until we arrived at the sea shores on the other side of the vast ocean.

When I stepped out of the water and onto the sandy shores; I was a large, black panther, my fur felt heavy from the sea and sand. I shook it out and looked down. I could see my large black paws sinking into the sand. My breath was hot. My tounge was heavy. My head was enormous. My ears twitched, moving towards the sounds of the wind moving through a group of birch trees, lined up far above the top of the sandy banks.

I took a step forward. My feet were heavy and massive. I took several more steps towards the bank-of-trees, and then began to run up the sand to the tree line. I moved through the forest in a quick, graceful and powerful motion. I could hear the twigs and branches, snapping under the weight of my powerful feet more branches snapped as I moved through the underbrush of the trees. I could see the sun's rays shining through the tops of the golden, yellow and green leaves of the canopy above me. I continued moving faster and faster, zig zagging in between the trees until I exited the forest and stood before a vast desert landscape.

I was standing on the edge of the desert; a tall, muscular, bald, half-naked, dark skinned man. My muscles were dripping in sweat. As I looked across the dessert which lay before me, I could see across to the other side, was a large mountain covered in lush green. I began to run across the sandune's to the other side. I moved faster and faster, breathing in slow deep breaths through my nostrils and breathing out of my mouth. I could taste the salty sweat dripping down my face and onto my lips as I breathed. I could hear the voice speaking to me again. It said, "You are almost there... do not stop now. You must continue on your journey until you have arrived."

I ran and ran but did not tire. When I arrived on the other side of the desert, I stood at the bottom of a great mountain. There, before me was a great lake at the bottom of the Mountain stream, which cascaded down from the top of the mountain into the lake. I walked over to the edge of the lake, kneeling down I cupped my hands and drank the water until I had felt refreshed. I heard the voice say, "Fall into the water. Do not be afraid." I allowed myself to fall into the water and immediately became a salmon.

I began swimming up stream; up over the tops of the raging waters descending down the stream and into the lake. I moved my body with Grace and power up over each of the white waters created by the rapids churning over bolders. I somehow knew I had to reach the top. I was headed back to the place of my beginning to the place of my spiritual birth. Finally, I reached the top and leapt over the crest of the waterfall and into a vast lake at the top of the mountain. And I had become myself again.

I was naked, swimming in the waters to the other side. The water was dark but clear. I could see the expanse of the universe above me in the night sky. My hair was long, jet black, flowing in the water behind me. I swam for a long time until I reached the other side. I arrived at a clear, glass partition, grabbed hold and pulled myself up out of the water. I noticed I was standing on a clear shelf overlooking the entire universe as it stretched out before me.

I put my hands up and touched a wall of cold glass. I looked up into the milky Way, and could see one star was pulsing, brighter, and brighter, getting larger and larger as it approched me, it was swirling, faster and faster until it pierced the top of my head. It traveled down through my body and out through my feet down to about 3 feet below them, and continued to swirl around below my feet as an incrediably fast pace. All of a sudden it illuminated every fiber of my being, every cell, every atom until at last I was completely light.

I had an awakening. I understood the profound contemplation of being light made manifest in human form. I could feel the interconnectededness of all things made and unmade within the universe are all interconneted by fibers, small strands of light. I could feel the reverberation of the sound of OM' the universe makes, as a pulsing across the cosmos in a song of constant creation, which I was a part of, and then opened my eyes.

I would not fully understand this profound moment, in time until much later in my life, for at the time, I was only 15 years of age, I could not remember most of it until later in my life when I took the journey again, and fully remembered having done so long ago. It is often said by me, 'That the universal sound of all things sings for all of us. We need only listen. It can be felt if you are grounded into the Earth and it can be seen if you are looking for its reverberations." Christine St Croix