Journal Prompts (Week 1)

Journaling is one of those habits that's purported to have so many benefits, from stress relief to boosting the immune system and reducing anxiety.

I suffer from anxiety (and other brain fun), so I figured it's probably worth a try. I enjoy writing, but I struggle sometimes when I don't have prompts. So finding prompts has been very helpful!

Obviously there's a warning that the content is going to be personal, perhaps depressing and potentially triggering for abuse, mental health, suicide, eating disorders, divorce and alcoholism. The prompts are in bold as headers, so you can take them from there and not read the contents if that works better for you.

I hope they inspire you to get writing and see if you can reap the benefits of journaling too. So without further ado, here's week one:

Day 1 - If I could change something about how I was raised it would be

Literally everything. The only thing I took from my parents was who I didn't want to become. I often wonder how my life would be now and the person I'd be without that background. Whilst I've learned a lot from that, I wish I didn't have to learn it that way. It's left me feeling adrift, alone and like I'm so incredibly screwed up compared to people I know.

If I could only change one thing, it would be that I wish my parents had divorced. The usual "stay together for the kids" thing really doesn't work when the household is full of hatred. It resulted in me having no idea what a healthy relationship looked like, and thinking it was normal to have two parents who never expressed any love or warmness to each other. If they hugged, it was performative and uncomfortable. It's truly painful to see a relationship entirely devoid of intimacy, with underlying cruelty.

Day 2 - It makes me angry when

I think back to how I was failed by everyone when I was a child. It wasn't just me, my brother too. Children need to be protected, and adults need to learn how to see the thinly-veiled cracks in an otherwise shiny family veneer.

Just because a child isn't being beaten black and blue, it doesn't mean their psyche isn't being subjected to that. By the very people who are supposed to protect them. I often used to wish I was beaten because then I'd have evidence of the abuse that was going on. The occasional slaps weren't enough to leave injuries. Self worth that's in tatters, painfully negative self talk and suicidal ideation from the age of 10 isn't seen as proof of harm.

Imagine how tortuous that existence was; a child wanted to die?

Day 3 - A lesson I had to learn the hard way was

That it's better to cut and run from a broken relationship than hope it'll magically fix itself if both parties aren't open to change. If a relationship starts off on rocky ground with codependency, it takes a lot of work to become healthy, and some people are not willing to do that work.

When the other person doesn't change their behaviour or show you that you're valued, after you express severe discontent, it's a sign there's a problem. If they don't like how you've changed, even if it's for the better, are they really worth wasting the best years of your life on?

Divorce and being alone seems terrifying until you realise that there's so many better options out there: love and support that you never believed you'd be able to find. I found it.

Day 4 - A strength I have is

The ability to be independent. I can do a lot for myself; I taught myself so many things! From the basics like using a washing machine to managing household bills to investing money. I still learn every day. Google has been a great parent. The only issue that comes with being independent is learning to trust in other people and their competency.

Day 5 - A weakness I have is

Being unable to ask for help. I always thought this was a sign of strength, but as years go by, I realise how much I carry on my own. I worry about being a burden, so I don't allow myself to show weakness: instead, I try and power through life and all its difficulties. This leads to me feeling overwhelmed and alone.

Realistically, I know I'm not a burden, and people want me to talk to them about my issues. It's just getting past that negative self talk of "no one cares" that's been wedged in my head since childhood, when no one cared and I was often silenced when I needed support. Even talking about things I was passionate about was met with disdain, and this was a theme in my marriage too, hence the divorce. Things are so different now because I've chosen people who give a damn and truly do care.

I'm working on being more open about my struggles and leaning on other people for support. It's hard rewiring decades of being strong on my own.

Day 6 - 16 year old me would be proud of me because

I got out of a very toxic home environment, moved hundreds of miles away and got myself a stable salaried job, a wonderful partner and an amazing group of friends. I'm in therapy to fix my brain. I've worked hard to avoid the debt, poverty, abuse and alcoholism that shaped my childhood.

Day 7 - I find it difficult to tolerate

Injustices, big or small. It refuels that angry fire deep inside me, and can take me back to being a helpless child. It's hard when these crop up in places of power imbalances, like the workplace. Sticking up for yourself against a cruel manager isn't an option. It's a parallel to being an abused child. Sticking up for yourself against a cruel father wasn't an option. Whilst a manager might not hit you, they can still impact your life in a huge way.

My approach for 2021?

Use that angry fire. On a bigger scale, fight for change. Hand it to the world and its prejudiced BS. On the smaller scale, work on personal healing, growth and finding healthy people who understand boundaries. Remove toxic people from your life as soon as possible, and don't compromise.

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So, that's week one of the journal prompts.

I'm going to try and create these posts weekly to make an attempt at forming a journaling habit and also provide you with prompts too!

I hope these provide you with some inspiration and help you form a healthy habit too. Thanks for reading! :)