Impossibilities

It always seems impossible until it is done.

The funny thing about this statement is that it is so true. There have been many situations I have found myself in because of other people that I would get lost in trying to help others reach their goals and dreams and forgetting all about myself. There have been so many things that I have put on hold because I wanted to see the other person win, but at the same time, after they have won, I am the one left feeling so the type of way. After all, now they think I am beneath them because they gained something I was the one to help build with them, not against them.

Once I decided to take care of myself first, everything else fell into place. I published my first book last year, got my driver's license this year, and this is just the beginning. I never thought I was worthy of writing a book for fear others would not want to read what I had to say. Now I currently write for two platforms; both of these platforms was the key to me healing myself from the inside out and I needed that time to hear my own thoughts, not someone else's. As all of my followers know, I come from a traumatic background of sexual, mental, and emotional abuse. I never thought that I would be the one to be able to say now that I am phenomenal. I am a queen and deserve better than what I have been giving myself over the years.

When I allow others into my space, I value you as a person and a friend. Still, at the same time, if I start to notice that your patterns of inconsistency are always the same, then I am going to fall back on you because I know who the hell I am, and I don't need anyone else trying to tell me how the hell I should feel about a situation when in fact it is you that made the situation happen in the first place and now all of a sudden you are your feelings. Get the fuck out of here because you missed me with that bull shit. At the end of the day, abuse is abusing no matter what form it is, and the reason that I am saying all of this is that I have fought tooth and nail to protect my mental head space, and I'll be damned if anyone thinks that they are going to fool me again. I know that I have a big heart, and it is always a pleasure to see others grow and develop into the best version of themselves that they can be. However, when I see that you are the abuser and now you are the one trying to play victim to something that you started, I will not respond to anything from you because I have to refocus on myself again. Even though others may seem right at the time, I will still look at your actions because I am still growing and need real loyal mother fuckers on my team, not fake ass wannabees. I do all I can for others in the environment I am in now, but that doesn't mean I will let anyone break my inner peace.

In closing, this piece here is some advice for those who hate and pretend to be something or someone they are not. You can not worry about tomorrow's problems because they will disrupt your peace today. Steve Harvey said this best.