I don't care anymore

Trying to figure out where you fit in this world can be difficult. Thinking about it, it started for me when I was in middle school. Everyone having conversations about the opposite sex or the size of their bust. Meanwhile I'm over here reading "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret." by Judy Blume.

Next occasion I can clearly remember was in high school. I was in the hallway being stagehand for theatre at rehearsal. For those unfamiliar, Stagehands (sometimes known as stage technicians) are members of the crew who assist on sets. They assist with lighting, sound, props, and general scenery in theater. Stagehands also help performers get into costumes and make sure the props didn't walk away.

We had an important job, moving the set pieces between scenes but other then that it was basically sitting there, listening to the play over and over until it was time to get up and do something. As a Sophomore I was sitting there getting paid to do the Seniors homework. Not socializing. They didn't want to hang out with me for me, they just wanted to not have to worry about their studies.

That's not to say I was antisocial, I just didn't care for all the gossip and politics that were flooded around the school like the plague. Nor did this change as much as I expected going from school into 'the real world'. At work it's "Did you hear who got fired?" I still try to stay out of it.

I think I'm doing well, I'm engaged, working full time and I have my hobbies. Writing, playing games, reading and going for walks. I play with my cats, my bills are paid and honestly, I don't think I care anymore. A lot of my friends now are people who also write or play a game that I also play. While the primary conversations focus on whatever we are doing at the time, life does come out. You learn a lot about people having small interactions with them on a daily or weekly basis.

I've learned that trying to force it doesn't help, it's just like wearing a mask that gets exhausting to keep up. I don't do well being 'fake' or ingeniune. Maybe I wasn't meant to fit in that particular group, like trying to shove a triangle piece through one of the circle puzzles. It just wasn't going to work.

I think Mandy Hale said it best .

"“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.”― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

That being said, it doesn't mean you have to be all alone. Keep trying to find like minded individuals, or be content with your circle having different opinions and ways of doing things then you do.

Yes, people that are similar to one other are more likely to become friends as a general rule. On the other hand, people who appear to be very different "on paper" might form tight bonds because they get along well and form a meaningful bond. They have plenty to talk about and do with each other that the fact that they don't share the same major interests isn't an issue. It's what makes us all individuals and unique. In essence, what makes us, well, us.

To everyone who doesn't 'fit in'

To those that would rather stay in then go party with the group

To anyone who has ever felt like they don't belong

I see you. It gets easier. Keep doing whatever makes you, you.