How Two Women Changed my Life for the Better

When I was a second year nursing student I met a nurse named Verlaine who mentored me whilst I worked on her ward for 4 weeks. After continuing to study nursing I got my first nursing job at a hospital as a operating room nurse. As fate would have it, I bumped into Verlaine again as she had started to work there too. We became quite close and I saw her as a kindred spirit whom I could have meaningful conversations with. I cherished her whenever we worked together and I enjoyed her company when we socialized outside of working hours. I was 24 years old and she gave me a book that she thought I would like; Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

I didn't know this book impacted on so many women across the globe until I realized the impact this book had on me.

There was a part of the book when she was in India in chapter 45 where she had described being in meditation and experienced a mystical moment; this captivated my attention. I had never once before read or heard of a story experiencing what seemed to me like a transcedent experience of intense energy. As I continued to read she talked about two Sufi poets, Rumi and Hafiz. My curiosity grew stronger and as I read her quote from Kabir, a sage, on the following page:

"All know that the drop merges into the ocean , but few know that the ocean merges into that drop."

My heart soared to a place it had never gone before.

I had heard of Sufism and kept on seeing Sufi books every time I visited the theological section of a book store, which for some reason I was obsessed about. The study of Islam became important for me to understand in order to experience the truth. I was a practicing Muslim at the time of reading Eat, Pray, Love and throughout my life, I never had any mystical experiences as the author described, which indicated to me that maybe I am missing something in what I believe or think to be true. I hadn't really given any thought to the practice of mysticism at all as it wasn't on my radar. Although, being indoctrinated doesn't lead to many experiences outside that belief system. Therefore, reading this book, particularly the mystical parts, was phenomenal. As soon as I finished reading that chapter, I put the book down and immediately Googled sufi centers near me. There was 1 in the city of 1 million people so I blessed my lucky stars that day. I phoned them as soon as I had their contact details and asked if I could visit them the next time they had a session. They held two sessions a week so I visited them on a Sunday at 7pm for my first taste of the divine.

My first visit was so humbling and it felt like I found a piece of a missing jigsaw puzzle. It felt right, it felt like home, I felt so much love, acceptance and felt warmly welcomed. I had yet to understand what this was. I figured this was a type of love that is hard to find in today's world. Sometimes it can be a harsh, stark, lonely and often fearful world. We can see this in increasing stress, mental health, crime and suicide rates. The love, to put a name to it, was unconditional love. It was a foreign concept to me then but one I wanted to explore and learn more about.

I attended the center, as they called it a khanaqah which was defined as the private quarters and gathering place of the sufis. I was attending for 6 months before I decided that I wanted to leave New Zealand for a while to work and live in Sydney, Australia where I would connect with the khanaqah there. I was a little nervous for some reason attending the new khanaqah in Sydney and it took me over a year to finally bite the bullet and attend a session.

It was a little like heaven. The khanaqah was set up in an old church with stained glass windows and wooden ceilings , Persian rugs lay across the floors and the space was so tranquil, so nurturing and I basked in its golden lit room two times a week for 3 years. They became like a family to me and during the time there I began to serve tea to the others before and after the meditation and it was a huge honor. I was one of the younger attendees being in my mid 20s while the others were mostly over 50. There were about 10 of us who rarely missed a session and others who visited more sproadically. Every Sunday they would have live music using traditional instruments from Iran and meditation started at 7pm for an hour. The music was from another realm and it went straight into my heart where sometimes I would be in a trance experience. It was like I became the sound and I would sometimes clap my hands involuntarily. After the meditation, we would all sit in silence with our heads bowed, someone would turn on the light and our spirits would return back to our bodies.

During these few years being at the khanaqah my love for everything and everyone intensified. I was being transformed by love and my self concepts were beginning to dismantle. I stopped praying (externally) for months as Islamic beliefs started to drop away and I started to let go of the dependence I had on my elder sister whom I lived with. I began to question my relationship with God and was transforming myself from the inside out. I tasted my first alcoholic beverage, a pear cider to be exact, at 24 years old. I began to open up to the possibility of finding a partner based on mutual equality and similiar life values.

The leader of the khanaqah in Sydney at the time was named Brad who befriended me. He was elderly and for some reason we gravitated to each other and sought each other's company for conversation. By fate I went with him on the Camino de Santiago as my heart seemed liked it was guided to go there.

In Spain, I would also meet my partner and we are now parents of two boys. It seemed like unconditional love works in mysterious, wondrous and unexpected ways. The magic of unconditional love seemed to permeate and affect other people in the way they see you, conduct themselves with you and people reveal their authentic selves the more I practiced this state of feeling or being.

Looking back, it all began with a physical encounter with Verlaine and a literary encounter with a mystical woman named Elizabeth Gilbert. Thanks to these 2 women, I have a new found love and it started an awakening of my spirit which has helped me enormously over the years to be a better, appreciative, kinder, understanding and loving human being.