How to Get What You Want!

I love to draw, and I love drawing with a fountain pen. As a result, I was recently searching the internet for flexible-nibbed fountain pens. You see, most fountain pens are built for writing, which means that you don't want too much flexibility in the nib. However, you want a nib that can flex between a fine line and broad fat strokes for sketching and drawing, it adds speed and expression to your drawn line. So, after a short browse, I found that such a thing does exist and promptly ordered it.

Then, as if by miracle, adverts related to my search, appear at the side of everything I see on the web browser. Perhaps it's just a coincidence.

My children are convinced that if we even speak about a subject, particularly if you're near your phone, the conversation topic will appear on your next excursion into the internet. I don't know if that's true (although I suspect it might be), but what I do know is that web browsers and some websites use algorithms which learn your preferences, likes and desires and then feed them back to you. They give you more of what you focus on.

These highly sophisticated "learning" systems drive sites like Amazon, Google, Facebook and many others and consequently feed us with more of what we want, supposedly.

You may not be aware that we have a similar system in our brains called the Reticular Activation System.

Reticular Activation System.

Our brains can only consciously focus on a certain number of things at any one time. This makes sense. If we were to focus on all our incoming sensations and information simultaneously, we would be paralysed by the task's enormity. We wouldn't be able to focus or concentrate on any one thing. For instance, you're probably not thinking about your hands at the moment, whether one hand feels warmer than the other, at least not until this moment when I mentioned it to you.

Now that you've directed your thoughts to your hands, you can focus on them and exclude other information (not all though). The system in your brain that allows you to do that is called the Reticular Activation System (R.A.S.) and seems to work similarly to the tech giants' algorithms. It focuses our attention on what matters to us at that moment in time.

Why we see what we are looking for.

This begins to explain why it is that once we are aware of something, we see it everywhere. Whatever thoughts or questions you are consciously focusing on, your R.A.S. will direct your attention to see more of it. You get what you expect.

If you were about to step up into an important presentation and you say to yourself (repeatedly) "I'm nervous, I'm sweating, this is what will happen to you. Your brain is continually looking to prove you right and to confirm your thoughts and your beliefs.

For instance, think of that moment where you are trying to think of someone's name, and it's on the "tip-of-your-tongue". You don't find it straight away but then relax, think about something else and, sometime later, it suddenly comes to you. This is because you have sent an attention message to your R.A.S. and it has gone away and searched for it and come back a little later with the answer.

We've all experienced that time when we have been asked to look out for something or have learnt a new word, and suddenly the world seems awash with examples. Your brain is always looking to prove you right.

Conscious and unconscious.

The R.A.S. is the gatekeeper, filtering the unnecessary from the important. It decides what we should give our attention to. 99 per cent of everything that comes into our senses is and has to be ignored by our conscious mind. We just don't have the energy or time to deal with everything. The R.A.S. alerts us to what is essential.

Our R.A.S. learns over time what we care about, what is important to us and, most importantly, what we place our attention on. It sets up our priority listings, the things we need to focus on. It filters the essential and meaningful from the irrelevant and meaningless.

You may have wondered why it is that when we are in a crowded, noisy room, we can still prick up our ears (give attention to) our name being mentioned. This is also why mothers (and perhaps some fathers too) can hear their child's voice over and above other children's voices. The R.A.S. helps us to focus on what is essential.

Goals.

It follows that if we can direct our conscious thoughts towards a subject, we will begin to see more instances where the issue occurs. So, why not use our natural system to control our thoughts towards our goals? If we can focus our attention towards a goal, we are more likely to manifest that goal because our R.A.S. helps us prove that we are right.

If you were flipping through a magazine and your thoughts are directed towards your goal, there is a much higher likelihood that you will see things that will confirm your direction, because your R.A.S. is focused on it.

Naturally, if you focus your thoughts on the negative, then that is what will show up. So it makes sense to focus on the positive and things that move closer to your goals.

A quick disclaimer, this is not the so-called "Law of Attraction," where you put your request out into the universe, and the universe (supposedly) answers. However, it does begin to answer why this appears to happen. You get more of what you focus your attention on.

"We become what we think about."

Earl Nightingale.

Using your R.A.S.

Once we understand that we get more of what we focus on, it makes sense to focus on things that will move us closer to our goals or our ideal state. As expressed by so many "Gurus", there are so many tools available that, in context, make so much sense.

Visualisation.

If you focus on a specific image of what you want to be or the state you want to be in, it's essential to be very specific and vivid in the picture. You need to employ all your senses and add emotion into your visualisation. Your mind doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality, the same areas of your brain light up. If we make our visualisation vivid, in every sense (literally sense), then our R.A.S. will seek out examples and pass them on to the subconscious mind in every sense (literally sense). The R.A.S. will bring relevant information to your attention which you may have otherwise passed over.

Your R.A.S. will try to prove you right. The more proof you see, the stronger your beliefs become and the more likely you will tell yourself it's true. Belief engenders instances where evidence becomes proof, and with evidence, you begin to improve your self-talk.

Affirmations.

If you write daily positive affirmations, your brain will begin to accept these as truth and will seek proof to confirm your conviction. Affirmations should be stated in the present tense and should be about a state you are in rather than a state you will become.

It's better also to speak your affirmations out loud. This ties in nicely with the need to physically move or do things. It has been shown, in numerous studies, that attaching a thought to a physical movement helps to cement it in the brain.

Affirmations keep the goal at the forefront of your mind, i.e. in the Reticular Activation System, mainly if they are in the present tense and confirm, to your R.A.S., that this is how you are. The further you progress towards your goal of being the person you want to be, the more it will prove that this is the case.

Affirmations must be positive. Don't focus on what's not working, focus on what can or does work. As you push your R.A.S., it will be forced to look for more examples.

S.M.A.R.T. Goals

When you set your goals, you should follow the S.M.A.R.T. system.

Specific.

Make your goal as specific as possible. Narrow down the focus to contain all the elements of all your senses, emotions, and feelings. Make your goal as vivid and precise as possible.

Measurable.

A goal should have a measurable metric so that you can track progress.

Attainable .

A goal that is so far beyond the realms of possibility will never be achieved. Goals should be attainable but beyond your current status and comfort zone. If it is too ambitious, it will sap at your motivation, both now and in the future.

Relevant.

The goal you pick should be pertinent to your chosen field or should benefit you directly.

Timebound.

Setting a timeframe for your goal helps quantify it further, and helps keep your focus on track.

Action Orientation .

It seems that changes are better understood by the brain and the R.A.S. If they are associated with physical actions. This may be because physicality better fixes the neural pathways in our memories. Repetition of actions coupled with deliberate practice is a system used by elite athletes to get to the top of their game. It is necessary to take action, preferably physical action associated with the instinct to change.

I have often wondered how it is that we can focus on one thing rather than another, why we can sometimes focus so clearly that we exclude all other distractions. At the highest level, this becomes a state called "Flow", where we are so focused and concentrated on our task that the world drifts away and time ceases to be relevant to the experience. This state of mind is only achievable where the task is challenging, but not too challenging, and our skill level is stretched, but not stretched to the point at which we cannot function.

The Reticular Activation System is a tool that enables us to get closer to what we want.

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