How to Conquer Post-Grad Depression

When I set out for University at sixteen I was naïve about the responsibilities a bachelors degree demanded.

In fact, I burst through the gates of Trinidad's oldest tertiary institution with blinding stamina. I was all bright-eyed and all bushy-tailed! I introduced myself with brewing enthusiasm to everyone, and wouldn't stop talking.

Despite my hyperactivity I had a stable support system in the form of my amazing friends. I had four years of unconditional love, late night karaoke, midnight sobs, expeditions to Port-of-Spain and Trinidadian cuisine.

But when Commencement day came - and I waltzed across the stage to collect my diploma in cap, gown and black stilettos - it wasn't just the end of an academic era. I would no longer have an ever-present, reach-out-and-touch support system, a fact that did not hit me until I had flown back home.

My excitement suddenly slipped into a coma.

After returning home, which by now was St. Croix in the Virgin Islands - I moved from Antigua midway through my studies - I felt something I hadn't experienced in great capacity before. I felt lonely. Not only was I far from my Antiguan friends but now my college friends as well.

And if that weren't enough, St. Croix was in the middle of an economic down-turn because of the closure of an oil refinery there, one of the largest in the world. The island's atmosphere was gloomy. At night the streets were comparably desolate to what I had known the quietest of roads to be. The differences between Trinidad and St. Croix post financial melt-down were deafening.

To top it off, I made the mistake of looking for familiar faces in new ones. I did not want to be vulnerable twice. I felt drained, out of touch, confused, anxious and lost. I cocooned myself from people who I didn't know, in a place I wasn't sure I could trust and proceeded to not just isolate myself from the new but also the familiar.

I had no excuse; the internet makes it easy to stay connected. Yet, I bottled my emotions. I thought there was no solid reason why my world suddenly became gray and decided that I should not tell anyone about it.

Graduation season is fast approaching, and I warn anyone who has one foot out university gates, or is on the cusp of leaving for university, to not take lightly the shift about to take place.

Some of your best friends and greatest memories are made in college. You are blooded in your teens to late 20s. Prepare yourself for the mental and emotional blow back of sudden change. When you return home things may not be the same. When you return home you will not be the same.

Some fare well, others do not. And that's ok. But just in case you need advice, or know someone who does, here are three lessons based on my experiences.

1. Don't Try to Replicate the Bonds You Formed, Instead Foster New And Unique Ones:

My first error after moving to St. Croix was that I looked for friends identical to the ones I found in high school and college. Don't get me wrong, I met awesome people, some of whom are some of my dearest friends today. At the time however, I searched for personalities that reminded me of the familiar. When I couldn't find them, I became sad and withdrawn. The reason? The absence of familiarity solidified that I had permanently left my home.

Solution - Remember that home is wherever you say it is. Do not make a home out of people. It is your responsibility to make yourself comfortable and happy wherever you are. Cherish what was and make room for all that will come.

2. Accept That Things Will Not Be The Same And Adjust Accordingly:

Trinidad is the land flowing with spicy food and Soca - a sensual yet pulsating genre of music. The island is steeped in rich Caribbean culture. It pulsates with energy from dawn till dusk. When I moved to St. Croix a major oil refinery had downsized - thousands lost their jobs and migrated to the mainland.

The island was silent. It was evident, I was not in Trinidad or Antigua anymore.

St. Croix's inhabitants had hope ripped from them by powerful people who did not care about their well-being. It was difficult not to absorb the discontentment in the air, or to feel a distinct shift in energy. Many workers were laid off and migrated to the mainland. "For sale" and "for lease" signs littered many front yards and business complexes. There was an eerie semblance of post-apocalyptic war in locations that once boomed with activity.

If I had to live this period over again I would have spent a lot of time in nature, at the beach. The beach is a neutral place found in every Caribbean island and spending time there would have made the transition easier for me.

Solution - In whatever space you find yourself after graduation, identify a neutral place that helps you transition from what was to what is. It should be a place that reminds you of home or your friends or has your favorite things. Also, make your living space uniquely you. Focus on comfort. You may be tempted to make your space practical. Try to find a workable medium between the two.

3. Finally, Do Not Isolate Yourself From Your Loved Ones, Be Vulnerable:

I was depressed and I felt guilty for it. Confiding in my friends about my depression made me feel like I was being ungrateful especially when some were in situations where they were losing loved ones, couldn't repay student loans, etc.

So, I withdrew.

West Indians don't naturally foster an environment that facilitates vulnerability. We laugh at it, mock it, spit in its face. So, out of fear and embarrassment I isolated myself, and hibernated for years.

Eventually, I opened up to a few loved ones about the state of my mental health. But, it took time.

It takes time.

Solution - Even if your loved ones reject the notion of your mental and emotional state, that's ok! The important thing is that you told them. It is now YOUR duty to work to elevate your health.

Our minds require care. They can be broken, hurt, and are prone to illness. Not everyone is aware of the practices which promote mental wellness, especially after major life changes like death, marriage, childbirth, miscarriages, divorce or migration.

The key to supporting a loved one is to engage them with compassion and grace through healthy dialogue. The endgame is to create a safe space and healthy support system.

Let your loved one know that this is what you need from them. It will be difficult to ask them of this. Some may promise to support you, but ultimately fail you. Others may even decline outright and insist that prayer or simply "shaking it off" will do.

If you find yourself in a space where your vulnerability is taken for granted, know that there are other means to find relief. YouTube "Tibetan Singing Bowls" to keep centered during mediation or to help you fall asleep. Take brisk walks for exercise. Increase your water intake. Affirm yourself in the mirror. Employ therapy. Practice an instrument. Find peace with your God. Engage in activities where you interact with others for a few times a day, such as exercise classes. Participate in activities which encourage you to not live in your head.

Whatever your situation after graduation be it poverty, poor job prospects, an abusive home, cancer, death, a different location or even loneliness, remember that you possess all the tools to make it. You are the greatest weapon against your storm. You are a survivor by virtue of you being here today.

Every experience, every failure, every friendship, every conversation, every moment has prepared you to tackle the very things you fear.

And when you do conquer them, remember to encourage others who stand where you once stood.

I can't wait to hear your story. And neither can the world.