How to Be Happier Without Really Trying

“Happiness is the absence of the struggle for happiness.” ~ Chuang Zi

I sat in the restaurant wondering why I was so unhappy.

I have always listened to all the joy and the scholars to help themselves. I meditated every morning. I ate healthy food. I exercised four times a week. I worked hard on projects that I loved. I wasted no time and watched my life become stressful.

But somehow, as I sat on the cafe, I wondered if I was "doing it right" but all in all I felt strangely wrong.

There is nothing wrong with feeling unhappy. I was not sure where it came from, but I felt powerless, uninspired, and said that energy was being absorbed into my body.

I had this mantra always running through my head: If you only get one life, the solution is to put a lot of things in it, minute by minute, and don’t waste time to die fulfilled.

But it just didn't work.

So I do what we naturally do. I went to Google, the god of mysterious technology, to help show me why I was unhappy and help find out what I did.

I've tried all the usual suggestions. I started writing and kept track of all my moments that I was so grateful for during the day.

I began to do random acts of kindness; I would buy an unfamiliar coffee in Starbucks, pay someone else's bills, or leave a gift in someone's windscreen.

I have increased my meditation time by at least forty-five minutes a day and focused on always remembering the whole day.

But the biggest problem was still there. I always felt depressed, unhappy, and strangely sense that even though I didn't spend much time, and I used my life wisely, I didn't enjoy life that much.

I just couldn't understand why at the end of the day I always felt so angry. Unmarried. Time.

And then, as so many things happen in life, I came across an article written by Martha Beck, a famous health coach, about how there was another neglected path to success - and it wasn't hard work.

In fact, the opposite is true. And it has been a serious matter in today's world.

Play.

At first I thought, “What?” How is that possible? I have fun all day. I go to work, I come home, I exercise (which I enjoy), I work on my side project (which I enjoy), I study the bonus category (which I like). I play all day!

No, no, no, says Martha's article. That is no joke. Playing requires renewal; it needs to be a time when your brain and body are closed and just flowing.

I decided to do an experiment.

Every adult from the beginning of time noted how close children are to “the truth,” and by observing them we can learn a little.

So every day for a whole week, I stayed at a restaurant. And I just saw. I did nothing but watch people interact, watch them go out, and most of all, watch how the kids got together.

The first thing I noticed was the obvious: Life is a game for kids.

They spill the milk and laugh. Something breaks and they act in fear for a moment, then laugh. They jump out of the water and laugh.

It's amazing the 180 I do (along with other adults).

Spilled milk? It's annoying. Now my clothes are dirty. A glass of broken wine? That's fine. Now I'm going to spend $ 15. It's raining outside? Happiness. I often run cold and get a fever.

It was crazy. We both experienced the same things in life and I found myself having a heart attack, while the little kids were rolling on the floor laughing. Same situation. The big difference.

Then I did a flow test, in which I wrote every single minute of my daily routine and analyzed whether I was having fun or not.

I quickly realized that I was not playing. I was not involved in a relaxed, rejuvenating game that left you feeling strong and healthy.

I was so worried about “making this one life count” that I was so busy every minute of the day with some kind of work, for fear of spending one minute.

And the horrible surprise was that I wanted happiness by not wasting time, but “doing too much” didn’t get me there.

Isn't that crazy? One of the most important activities in life is easily overlooked because we take it for granted.

There is an old saying that children smile 400 times a day, but when they reach adulthood they smile ten times a day. I think that's true.