How Often?

What’s one simple word that we all know, but almost refuse to say but is the reason we experience such things as annoyance of wasted time, grief and sorrow, feeling stuck, etc?

No.

How often are you saying no? To requests from friends and family, to social outings with colleagues, to that guy or girl you you like? How often are you saying no to your EMOTIONS, when it’s an uncontrollable situation and your emotions get turned up?

It’s so hard to say no to that job that you genuinely hate and get a new job but you want their paychecks. It’s so nerve wrecking to say no to your partner or FWB (I know some people got those) when they are asking for your time but you want your alone time today or right now. It may the last time you see them if you don’t see them often, or you feel like they find you annoying if you’re around them often. I felt that way, at the exact same time...

It’s so hard to say no to that friend who always seem to have a problem and today you have a problem and don’t want to hear theirs. They don’t really make being a listener easy, they tend to reverse the story back to them or make it about them. I’m a good friend so I listen and give my honesty.. it’s draining, though.

The ‘No’ that we are sometimes afraid to say, are the saviors and cures to the temporary disappointment we sometimes feel when we do say it. It’s hard walking away from a job you’ve become accustomed to, despite the unfair feelings you feel towards the job itself; like having to mentally prepare yourself for the day ahead, complaining about a customer, co worker, or boss very often, always saying how you want to leave. If you did it though, you’ll never have to go back again unless it’s your choice. You’re free from those feelings, you can do what you want now. If you want to work elsewhere, you can. If you want to start your own thing, you can. It’s hard to say no to the ones who feel emotionally attached or connected to (there’s a difference) but we only have ourselves to take care of. The relationships we have are not our own, so we must keep ourselves first priority. Taking time for yourself is what helps you become a better partner, friend, family member. It’s hard to say no to those negative friends, we all know who they are and we all have had or have them. I was the negative friend once. Some gaslight you, some guilt trip you, some understand, and some will stop talking to you, and some will just become more negative and dramatic, but YOU MATTER, too. You have to take time for yourself.

Life Hack : get familiar with saying no. To friends, family, and colleagues. They’ll run over you if you don’t learn it... we can replace friends, family members aren’t entitled to have your respect if they haven’t earned it. They just have blood ties that gives their respect a head start.

You may want to read that again.

Learn how to say yes to yourself. Am I going to wear a bomb outfit today? Yes! Am I going to eat breakfast at home? Yes, plus I am saving money. Am I going to take time for myself today since I never really do? Yes! I always put others before me and that isn’t healthy on my psyche. Am I going to share my win on social media since I dont usually post good stuff? YES! I deserve to shine light on my wins. My wins matter, too.

So do yours. Say yes to yourself, no to others every once in a while, and never say yes to people who you know do not deserve your time and energy. Use the extra energy to build yourself up.