Healthy and Tender

We never like to admit it, but there IS a part of us that actually care about what people think of us. If you're having trouble admitting that reality, let me tell you that it's normal and it's very understandable. All of us want to be known for something positive and not something disgusting. Yeah I know, disgusting is a strong word, but I can only speak from my own experiences. I've felt like others had built this whole character in their heads about me, for whatever reason. And because of that, it made me in a lot of ways resent those people. The crazy thing is that I never knew if those thoughts were actually true. So what if I was forming a story in my mind that was just my own assumptions? What if I was the reason I've always felt alone? What if I'm the reason why I can't trust nobody I surround myself with? What if I'm the reason I've built this hate for my life? These are questions that constantly ran through my mind. Then I think... What if I'm right? What if my gut is telling the truth? You know what they say, right? "Go with your gut feeling!" So let's say these things are true. Let's say they have built this idea of who you are, and even though it's not displayed publicly, it's definitely obvious. You then have a choice to make. Choice number one is that you can react, blow everything up in their face, prove you're not an idiot, and leave. Then there's choice number two. You can pray about it. Pray that your heart won't be harden and that you won't grow bitter, and pray that your heart will remain tender.

In my last blog, I talked about trusting and loving again. That blog basically talked about how not everyone is out to hurt you. Not everyone is against you, but there are people that are meant to be in your life to care for you and respect you without wanting anything in return. That doesn't mean you don't do anything for them, it just means that when they do things for you, they do it because they want you to be a better person. You can often tell if it's genuine by the way they respond when you're doing well and don't need their help. You're no longer depending on what they have to keep your life rolling. Another way you can tell is by the way they support your moves that doesn't involve them. Although these things can be very heart breaking, we must think around the whole box and consider that maybe they don't even realize how much it means to you. So then you ask yourself if you've communicated your heart behind your moves. Is your heart to show that you don't need anyone to be great, or is your heart genuinely showing the love you have for the moves you're making? NOW... With that being said, 80 out of 100 of the time, they should see your heart by how you invest yourself into what's important to them. If you're showing all the support in the world in their moves and dreams, there shouldn't be a question about it. Of course in that case, it hurts to the core and it leaves you wondering if it's even worth staying around that environment. I've been in this place so many times in my life and I'm only 24 years old. When I feel like I can't talk to those around me, I have someone I can always call and keep me focused on the main objective and no matter what, I know they are sharing their heart out of love and grace, no matter how harsh it may sound to me. So even though it hurts a lot, find that person that can dig those lies out of your brain, that will pray with you, speak a word to you, and lift you back to where you're meant to be.

Reacting to negative truths can have both positive and negative outcomes. The positive side is that you've gotten all the gunk off your chest and you feel lighter than you've felt in a long time. The negative side is that doesn't really change your relationship for the better. Instead, it causes more distance and more bitterness. So... What do we do? I believe in controlled and healthy confrontation. If I feel like you're going to talk over me and constantly point the finger without listening and trying to understand, you can hang up a conversation with me. If I feel like I'm going to explode if we have the conversation, I'll give it time then come back when I can handle talking with total control. If you're familiar with the enneagram, you'll know that nines (The PeaceMaker) "hate" confrontation. Maybe that's the case for some nines, but for me (because I'm a nine), I only hate it if I feel like it's not going to change anything, if I know you're going to try to manipulate and twist the conversation, or if I know I will have an outburst. I will for sure confront someone if I needed to, after I set boundaries for myself. So I think healthy and controlled confrontation is very important. What if they lie? That's something they have to deal with, you can live your life and let time do it's thing. At least you did everything you could to bring peace to the situation and come to a common ground with things.

Overall, I believe whether others are viewing you negatively (and some will), whether they smile in your face and behind closed doors speak on your failures and make jokes about you (and some will). Whether your work place is the realest or the phoniest (all are one or the other), whether your friends are genuine or conditional (all are one or the other), no matter how hard it can get, we must always keep an healthy tender heart. Having a tender heart keeps you grounded and leaves you open to receive things that are genuinely meant for you. Let Him guard and protect you from all harm and evil. You can remain grateful for those that love you unconditionally and pray for those that prey for you and what you have or bring to the table. Love can be a beautiful thing when we learn to nurture it.