Forgiving Yourself and Others

Innerlight: Forgiving Yourself and Others

Forgiving Ourselves

Lets explore two areas of forgiveness. Forgiveness for any suffering we have caused ourselves and forgiveness of others who have caused us suffering.

Start by reflecting on a time you’ve let yourself down, recalling specific circumstance in which you feel unforgiving towards yourself.

Spend a few moments where you're unable to accept or forgive yourself for something that happened in the past. It can be small or significant.

At some point, each us has let ourselves down. Trust that whatever comes to ind is perfect to focus on. It could be a failure, a disappointment, a risk you didn’t take, anything you can’t let go of. Settle your mind on one scenario and really get close in on the experience as it felt at that time. Consider the ways you’re angry or unforgiving of yourself. Try and sense or feel what about this moment feels unforgivable. Feel into the fear, or pain, or confusion that motivated that action. Try and understand your emotional state at that time.

Now attempt to open to some empathy of this earlier version of you. Show some compassion of why you made that choice or took that action, understanding it was likely one you felt you had to make at that time, or at least the best option in that moment. Embracing self-compassion can be one of the most healing and grounding things we can do for ourselves.

Many times these moments can cause us to build walls and barriers. See if this applies to you. These walls we hold against ourselves can be damaging mores then the event itself.

Lets imagine how it would feel to stop beating yourself up for whatever occurred. Imagine letting yourself off the hook. To release yourself of blame with the freedom of finally offering yourself forgiveness. Just let the past be the past and appreciate all you’ve learned since that time. Let yourself move forward free of regret. Call on self-compassion for the you who made that choice, the you who is deserving of forgiveness. Release whatever amount of blame is possible and open to self-forgiveness.

Remember that forgiveness is a process. It happens in stages and takes time. If you feel unable to offer yourself forgiveness in this moment, see if you can simply offer yourself patience with the intention to forgive when its possible.

Forgiving Others

Let’s now move on to contemplating a time you felt hurt by someone else. It could be a time you felt betrayed, misunderstood, rejected or deceived. Perhaps its a time when someone let you down, or a time you didn’t feel appreciated or respected. Bring that event to focus and start with something small.

Think about that person, embrace the feelings you had in that moment rather than the details. See if its possible to connect with whats beneath that hurt. Simply take in the feelings of that experience.

Now, reflect on any growth you experienced as a result of what happened. Is there anything you learned about yourself? Or perhaps about your needs or boundaries? Many times we have growth from the moments but get caught up in the wrong aspects and can miss it until later reflection.

While this might be difficult, see if there is the slightest hope of finding compassion for this person. Known that we are all human and we all make mistakes. We all make poor choices from time to time and lack foresight. See if you can find the smallest amount of understanding of why this person may have acted in this hurtful way. Try and see past the exterior into the hurt or fear or confusion that might have ben driving that person.

You may not be able to see the other side and if its not in you to release anger, pain or resentment in this moment, it’s okay! Accept that forgiveness is not something that can be forced. Sometimes it can feel impossible to forgive when the pain goes deep. It requires great strength because its far braver to give up the need to prove a point, or right a wrong than it is to let go. Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing or condoning an action thats been taken, what it means is, you’re finally able to move on. You’re finally able to heal. It releases anger, resentment and breaks the chain to the past. It creates closure and freedom.

So, ask yourself, am I ready to let go. See if you can soften your heart and free yourself of the pain you’re holding. Even if you’re not ready to forgive just yet, perhaps see if you can simply be open to the idea of future forgiveness. Know you can always come back and try this process again, seeing where you’re stuck and seeing where you’re ready to let go. Allow this to be an organic process. There is zero benefit to pressuring yourself to feel something that you’re not ready to experience.

If you feel you are not ready to let go of your hurt, you might ask yourself, would I rather have this feeling or, would I rather be free.

Forgiveness isn’t something you do for the person who wronged you. It is something you do for yourself.

We all deserve peace and freedom.

Be happy and healthy my friends.