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Expressing anger is often seen as the cheapest way to test a relationship.

Test a relationship.

By Dr.LanPublished 3 months ago 4 min read
Expressing anger is often seen as the cheapest way to test a relationship.
Photo by The HK Photo Company on Unsplash


I have been on the run my entire life, fighting a losing battle since childhood.


People constantly forcing themselves to change tend to stay where they are.

A person always pushes himself, usually because in childhood, his parents always made you and imposed their ideas on you.

When they succeed in doing this, you forget about your inner feelings.

Your mind will also profoundly identify with the parent who likes to push yourself, and you will learn from your parents to make yourself and do many things you are unwilling to do.

At this time, your body and emotions will fight against your mind.

The mind wants to change, but your body and emotions resist the reason and stay where they are.


When you don't want to do something but use your mind to convince yourself to do it repeatedly, this is self-PUA.

Making choices according to one's wishes is essential in a person's life.

When our life can satisfy our wishes, we can truly live our own.


For a relationship to thrive, it's crucial to prioritize authenticity over dedication.

Where good people fail most is usually in their relationships.

They think: I have given everything for you; you must love me.

But for partners to be intimate, the most important thing is authenticity. Only actual collisions can promote each other's proximity.

And it's hard for good people to be authentic.

Because since they were young, they only get praise if they are well-behaved, sensible, and kind to others;

Once you have your genuine emotions, you will be evaluated and even derogated.

This leads them to have a defensive thought:

The real me is terrible and should not be loved;

If I wanted to be loved, I had to let go of who I was and become a good person, a fake, giving, closed person.

However, the more they do this, the further away from reality they become, making it difficult to get close to their partner.

So remember, if you want to maintain a good relationship, authenticity is more important than dedication, or even a hundred times more important.


Life is made up of thousands of choices, big and small.

When you get old, you look back on your life and find that most of your choices are not what you want to do.

Then, the person you have wronged the most in your life is yourself.


When facing people who cannot be angry, stay away appropriately

Those who do not actively express their anger will release it passively.

This is "passive aggression".

It is common for some people not to express their dissatisfaction with their partners on the surface but to express their anger by being late for appointments;

Some people dare not express their anger towards their parents on the surface but will vent their attacks by secretly messing up things assigned by their parents.

If, in a relationship, both parties cannot directly communicate their anger and dissatisfaction, the relationship will become worse and worse.

Because those dissatisfactions that cannot be expressed will turn into various passive-aggressive ways, making others uncomfortable and themselves uncomfortable.

Therefore, don't feel it is safe to be together just because the other person has a good temper and is not aggressive towards you.

We should not expect to be around someone who never expresses anger, and we should not be such a person ourselves.


In relationships, there are two extreme manifestations:

One is to take all the benefits of the association;

One always doubts that one's performance in the relationship could be better.

It is a great misfortune for these two kinds of people to come together, especially for the latter.


Accepting "I have a problem" is the beginning of many good things.

Too many quarrels and tragedies start from the desperate defense of "I am right."

Individuals with high levels of paranoia often struggle to recognize their mistakes. They are resistant to self-reflection, which exacerbates the severity of the situation.

They feel that they are always right and never admit mistakes in anything. This is the most perfect version of themselves.

This kind of selfish need will isolate people from all good things.

Therefore, whether dealing with gender relations or in life and work, realizing "I may have a problem mentally" is the beginning of a better direction in life.


If one is right all the time, the truth may be:

He has never truly lived.


Life is very long; you should look at your life with a long-term view

The most crucial wisdom in life is being kind to yourself.

For example, you have to accept that you sometimes fail, whether it is an academic career or marriage and family.

The battle is lost now, but it can be won later.

As my life experience increases, I see more and more things, and finally, I find that the defeats in the past are not defeats, and there is value in them.

Even if you experience defeat, strengthening your character can still be a learning opportunity.


About the Creator


As a psychologist, psychological counselor writer, and master of clinical psychology, I am committed to using psychology to understand various classic phenomena of individuals, families, and society.

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