Embracing Unexpected Change

As children, we often have dreams that consume us, passions that define us. For Maya, the violin was her life's center, and she devoted endless hours to practicing and honing her skills. Every Saturday, she and her mother embarked on a journey to New York, where she studied at Juilliard, nurturing her dream of becoming a concert violinist. Young Maya's determination was admirable, and the world seemed to hold boundless possibilities for her.

However, as life sometimes cruelly reminds us, unexpected change can come crashing into our carefully crafted plans. At the age of 15, Maya's dream took an unforeseen turn when she permanently damaged the tendons in her hand during practice. The devastating accident shattered her aspirations of becoming a concert violinist. It was a heartbreaking moment, one that left her feeling lost and unsure of her future.

Maya's story is not uncommon. Unexpected changes happen to all of us, and they can take many forms—a sudden accident, a health issue, the end of a relationship, or any other life-altering experience. These changes can be daunting and terrifying, often filling us with stress and uncertainty. Research has shown that humans prefer the certainty of a guaranteed negative outcome to the uncertainty of a 50 percent chance of something bad happening. This aversion to uncertainty can make facing unexpected change even more challenging.

However, Maya's journey didn't end with the loss of her violinist dream. Instead of letting the change define her in a limiting way, she took a different path. She embraced her interest in the science of human behavior and became a cognitive scientist. Throughout the past two decades, she immersed herself in studying the science of human behavior, leading her to host a successful podcast called "A Slight Change of Plans." On the podcast, she interviews people from around the world about their life-altering experiences.

Maya's transformation from violinist to cognitive scientist and podcaster is a testament to the remarkable capacity for change within all of us. While it is natural to focus on what is lost in the face of unexpected change, Maya encourages us to pay close attention to the internal shifts that occur. Instead of letting change contract us, it can expand our horizons and transform us into different, yet resilient, individuals.

Throughout her podcast interviews, Maya has discovered three important questions that can help us navigate the choppy waters of unexpected change and embrace the opportunities for personal growth that it presents:

1. How might this change change what you're capable of?

When faced with unexpected change, we tend to envision our present selves navigating the new situation. However, research shows that we often underestimate how much we can change in the future. Maya shares the story of Christine Ha, a woman who lost her vision due to a rare autoimmune disease. Despite initial struggles and feelings of defeat, Christine discovered new capabilities in the kitchen, ultimately becoming a world-renowned chef. Unexpected change can unlock hidden potentials and abilities we never knew we possessed.

2. How might this change change what you value?

Florence Williams, a science journalist, experienced the heartbreak of her 25-year marriage coming to an abrupt end. Her initial attempts to "fix" her broken heart proved futile, leading her to a new perspective—one of embracing uncertainty and finding joy in the unknown. Letting go of the need for cognitive closure allowed Florence to experience a richer and more fulfilling life. Unexpected change can reshape our values and lead us to appreciate the beauty of serendipity and exploration.

3. How might this change change how you define yourself?

When Maya lost the violin, she grieved not just the loss of the instrument but also the loss of her identity. It is a common phenomenon known as identity paralysis that often follows unexpected changes. Yet, Maya discovered that her passion for music was not confined to the violin itself, but rather the emotional connection it enabled her to form with others. This realization led her to redefine herself not by specific pursuits, but by the underlying motives that energized her. Embracing change can lead to a more fluid and open-ended sense of self.

Maya's story and the insights from her podcast reveal a fundamental truth: unexpected change is an inevitable part of life. While it can be disheartening and challenging, it also offers opportunities for growth and self-discovery. By embracing the uncertainties, reevaluating our capabilities, values, and self-identities, we can navigate through life's curveballs with resilience and a newfound sense of possibility.

As Maya faces her current challenge of becoming a parent, she is using these questions to explore a more expansive and freeing vision of motherhood. Just as she has grown and transformed through previous changes, she knows that this experience will also shape her into a different person—one with a broader perspective and a heart open to the infinite possibilities that lie ahead.

So, the next time life throws you an unexpected curveball, don't be afraid to ask yourself these questions. Embrace change with curiosity and an open heart, and you might discover a more profound sense of self and purpose on the other side. Life's unexpected twists can be the catalysts for beautiful transformations, leading you to a life of deeper meaning and fulfillment.