Don't Support My Passion!

"Please don't support my passion,

that's not what I'm asking...

You may think I'm joking,

but I ain't really laughing."

- Nonconformity ‘Waterfalling in Love’

F*** My Passion

Simon says: tell the readers why they should support my passion…

I say I don’t want you to. F my passion.

*gasps* *clutches pearls* *stares in confusion*

Why not? That's easy, it’s because I rather support your passion.

What is it that you want from your life dear reader, hmm? Are you being fulfilled in what you’re doing right now? Is this how you imagined your life would go, reading stories online about how other people are choosing to live in their truth? Be honest… are you still looking for a job just to pay the bills, because COVID was only a slight interruption to the infinite machine that is capitalism, but it wasn’t enough to set you free? What would you rather be doing right now? When you zone out from an uncomfortable or uninteresting conversation, what are you thinking about? Where does your mind travel to, who are you with?

Better yet, when you are alone, with no one to talk to or lean on, tell me what’s in your heart in those moments...

Are you content with life and yourself because you have everything you ever wanted? Or do you dread facing yourself in the mirror, unable to look your reflection in the eyes because of what you’re denying yourself… a need that’s not being met. Be honest with me.

You might be thinking “okay information overload, can not compute,” but these are exactly the kinds of questions I had to ask myself before I decided to leave my job. Like an iceberg, I was content on the surface. I graduated college making $80,000 after studying Computer Forensics/Criminal Justice. I had my own place and my own car that I used to gallivant in a new city (LA at that!) meeting new friends, while being as single as the last pringle in the can. It was the dream! Except, the ice was slowly crumbling beneath and pretty soon, I would struggle to stay afloat in the façade.

I was dying inside, and I needed to do something, quick.

The Journey Within

So I created a plan, chucked the deuces and left all of that behind. My life began unfolding before my eyes in a way I couldn’t have fathomed. I left my job on Friday, October 13th, 2017 (aww don’t be so superstitious dahling). The next 2 days I celebrated my upcoming birthday with some friends (10/18 Libra ganggg) and then boom! On Monday I got into a car accident. No worries I was unharmed, but my car was a different story.

To save money, I began walking everywhere or taking public transportation. This was not new to me as someone who grew up in NYC, but I realized what I really saved, was myself. It became such a spiritual experience; I couldn’t even identify 2017 me in a lineup if given the chance.

By making one decision, I glitched the Matrix. I began to see number sequences – or angel numbers – everywhere: 111, 222, 333, 444, etc. Or I would have a very specific thought on my mind while watching a show and voila, it would be mirrored back to me in the plot. Till this day it still happens to me and I’ve learned so much more about it, but at the time I had no idea what any of it meant.

Like the synchronicities, taking walks was a peaceful way of reassuring me that I was on my way to finding my truest path. I met some amazing people and began to reignite my passions.

I was reminded of:

• Having attended a Performing Arts Elementary school: acting and rapping in plays, leading the Alto Section of my afterschool chorus, and writing horrific stories about disfigured cats and intergalactic adventures
• Writing poetry as my way of expressing deep pains and truths, from middle school all the way to college
• Picking up graphic design in college as an extension of my doodles in MS Paint as a lad. A college friend gave me a bootleg copy of Photoshop (shhh) and I taught myself how to progressively improve over the years
• My college roommates asking me “if I felt like I picked the wrong career,” while they crammed code together, and I designed the UI interface for our Apple hackathon app

I told them no, and I still feel that way. I studied computers because I had a genuine interest in it during my teenage years. I put my foot in it, my entire sole (read: soul) for about 10 years until I realized it didn’t pour back into me.

But art did! During my re-discovery, I went further with my poetry and progressed into music. I learned how to produce beats, began singing and rapping more, and even collaborated with other artists! I taught myself how to draw, and then paint. I performed at so many places, became a Teaching Artist, ran a few workshops, the list infinitely expands!

Sounds like I was having the time of my life, right? I bet you think I was *finally* happy haha. The End!

Well you’re wrong… you and me both were. Sure I gained a lot, but there was still something missing. Yes, initially the pendulum swung too far into my left brain, so I got on the horsie to change my destiny. Cool. But all I did was ride it all the way to other extreme.

I was happy but I was broke, and I still wasn’t addressing one of the core reasons why I left my job.

Besides it being the most boring job on the planet (exaggerate much?), I left because it was unfamiliar. I'm a Trinidadian native from a family of 9+ people, who grew up in a 1.5 bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, NY. Growing up, life obviously wasn't the most extravagant. But to suddenly be making all this money, while knowing there were people back home who were not thriving like I was? Well I guess a part of me just felt like a guilty imposter. But it gets deeper….

I would also see SO MANY homeless people in LA, it broke my heart. We attracted each other frequently; I would have numerous humanizing conversations with them over the years. One of them, an immigrant from Africa, told me that I looked sad and I should smile more. It bothered me to see such loving people be subject to the conditions they were, but it also reminded me that I wasn’t doing enough to help the average person who came from a disadvantaged place. With my job, I was only making billionaires richer. I gathered all the wealth I needed, yet I couldn’t help people in need that looked like me. I wasn’t helping myself.

“One Equals One”

What does all of this have to do with you and your passion? Well that’s just it honey, your passion is my passion. I am you, you are me. My humanity is tied to yours. One Equals One.

That’s the motto of my lifestyle brand, “The Lonerd.” I started The Lonerd during the exploration of my inner world. While I addressed pain from my past, met new people, spoke to more homeless people and discovered my passions, I arrived to so many truths.

For starters, my journey reinforced to me that we are all the same. Everyone is seeking home in so many things: their lovers, their families, their careers, etc., but really, we need to seek home within.

Many cannot. Many of us hide from ourselves and each other. The Matrix we collectively created was designed to support itself and not the people it should be serving. It’s a system of division based on ego and opposition, with no room for exploration, change or unconditional love.

We fight over skin color, sexual preferences and religion but it’s all moot (fun fact: this is the name of the app my roommates and I created! Never went live though). It just addresses the fact that we as humans have needs: to feel safe and comfortable in our volatile existence. We long to belong to a greater whole, while simultaneously wanting our souls to shine like the Divine light it carries.

And look, maybe we didn’t have it together back then. Many global communities are still in pain due to religious conflict starting from the beginning of time. Some are risking their lives and fleeing their homes from thousands of miles away, just to find a place where they are safe to be. And that shouldn’t be..

But the time is ripe for a change! Ahhh yes it’s the hard part, but don’t run just yet! Don’t run from yourself or the truth, you know what I’m talking about…

It’s why 1000s of people lost their minds during COVID lockdowns last year. It’s why they lost the false sense of security they had in their jobs, which they didn’t feel much purpose in anyway. It’s why people had no choice but to sit down and re-evaluate where their life was headed, and if they were truly okay with the trajectory.

Now, not to stroke my own ego, but you can see how my stay at home order in 2017 was above the curve 😊

It was not on purpose, but through uncertainty I found my purpose.

…it’s to help people find theirs.

It’s to inspire people with my many talents, and with my story.

It’s to show people how I used art to heal, and teach them how to heal themselves.

It’s to help them find their passion and ultimately their purpose, so that they can pay it forward.

It’s to use my background in both problem solving and creativity, to help people solve problems creatively.

Do you see now why I don’t want you to support my passion? Yeah, you got it! I want to help you find and support yours. Because although it was one of the wildest adventures I’ve been on (even wilder than jumping out of a plane? Yes), I would not be typing this story if I didn’t make this diversion. The thought of who I would’ve been had I stayed in that career, actually scares me.

I do not take this position of purpose lightly. I have established my business as a legal entity in California, and within the next year I will become a certified B-Corporation. The Lonerd is one For the Psyche, For the People and For the Planet, so all of my current creative projects are focused on channeling insights in a way that feeds the spirit and teaches it how to feed itself/others, but not at the expense of the planet.

For example, I have found many clothes and shoes for free on the street. I clean/re-condition/design them and redistribute them to the people.

My background in tech is also proving to be very useful for some of the solutions I came up with to take care of the environment, and the people, at the same time. As of now I can only say so much as I’m still legally protecting the brand, but once that’s done, its onnnn and popping!

I’ve done so much to prepare this gift to the world, but I know that The Lonerd is bigger than me; it requires more hands. I would really like to hire other people of purpose, but I don’t currently have the means to do so. I believe to be an artist or changemaker is an honorable position that comes with a lot of responsibility, and thus should be compensated as such.

I am committed to creating a world where people are joyful and authentic, one where people can be proud of their own story. I’m tired of dreaming of a world where passion supplies purpose, I am now dedicated to manifesting it.

So… you ask me why it is you should support my passion? It’s simple. Before I die, I must help you find and live out yours.

And I don’t plan on perishing before finishing my mission, so I hope you have your vision board ready.

---- Nico

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