Don't let the sun go down on me

"Don't let the sun go down on me", this song by ATB (sun goes down) inspired me to use the lyric as my title. Andre Tanneberger (ATB) has about ten studio albums. Most of his music is comprised of non-lyrical instrumental sounds. Listening to his music keeps my mind sound and calm. Usually, when I listen to his music, I’m in a depressive, anxious state. My mental health state is not an uncommon aspect of life for people of my age. Mental health awareness has touched most parts of the world, with many people more knowledgeable than before. People have more understanding of mental disorders and the signs, signals, care, and support needed. Surprisingly, there are still places like where I grew up, that are still accustomed to the idea that it's “only an excuse”, “you’re crazy” or “you’re a coward”. Most people downright deny the idea altogether. I believe that mental health should be a normalized topic. If it is always recognized as “taboo”, people who struggle as I do cannot see our future. My statement may seem like a bit of an exaggeration. For me, seeing my future is important. Literally. When I think about how my life is going right now, I weigh all the categories. If I believe I am doing well for myself, I can see my future. I feel like I belong. When I feel like I am not doing so well, most times I pick up a new hobby. I love learning new things. Especially when I can teach myself. This process keeps my mind in “repair” mode. As my mind “repairs” the negativity there, my dopamine levels increase because I’m keeping myself occupied. This is only one aspect of how I maintain sanity when it comes to my mental health. The most productive thing I can do is be creative. This is the largest aspect that helps me keep it all together. Writing, drawing, and painting have been a part of me since I was young. As a child, I loved drawing and painting flowers and animals. Over the years this love turned into something bigger. From silhouettes of people and nature to mythological creatures and outer space. When I write, draw or do anything that involves my inspiration, I always listen to music. Music is a vital part of my life. When I'm constantly listening to music, I have room for my inspiration to completely explode with vibrant detail and vivid color. Just like reading and watching movies and tv, this is largely where I get my inspiration. I have read a lot of books and watched a lot of movies. Another song I love by Hunter Hayes called “dear god” is about Him telling God all his struggles. Hunter also asks God if he makes mistakes because he feels unable to grow or move on from past experiences.

“Can we still call it prayin' if

All that I do is sittin' here cursin', cursin' your name again?

But truth is it's not even you

It's just me that I'm up against

But you made me this

Can we share the blame for this?”

My relationship with God has been tough in the twenty-two years I have been alive. Within the last five years, I struggled to “have faith” as people would call it. Especially in my darkest times. In moments like this, I try to teach myself that he always has a plan. I have handled worse. I can make it through the storm. I am strong. I honestly believe this last song will stay with me forever. In Mary j Blidge’s song “my life” she sings about a deeper meaning in life. Well, not just a deeper meaning but the idea that life is what you make it. You really do hold the cards. When something goes wrong, you have the power to make it right. Most of all god will always be there for you.

“Life can be only what you make it

When you're feelin down

You should never fake it

Say what's on your mind

And you'll find in time

That all the negative energy

It would all cease

And you'll be at peace with yourself

You won't really need no one else

Except for the man up above

Because He'll give you love

All you gotta do is take your time,

One day at a time

It's all on you

what you gonna do?”

I find when I’m doing something important like being creative, I am a happier person. When I’m with friends or family keeping myself occupied, I only think about the good things in my life. When my dark thoughts start to come around, most times I have to pick myself back up. Sometimes my family or friends help me from drowning in that dark hole. Then I realize I’m really not alone. I usually have to push myself beyond my limits. I have to tell myself there is always sunshine after a storm. When you feel like you can’t go on, always get up and fight back. If you ever feel alone, find someone that will fight with you. The rain has to stop at some point and it will.