Don’t Let Acne Ruin Your Life.

Ever since I can remember I was praised for my pretty face. Not just pretty. Flawless complexion.

I have reached the point where I linked my self-worth to my physical appearance, face especially. I did not put too much effort into beauty regimes, makeup I put on, but I fancied the idea of trying to look nice, to keep up the "pretty face" brand.

However, it bugged me whenever somebody focused on my external looks alone. Whenever I lost weight I heard voices of applause and approval. Whenever I gained weight, I heard comments and petty remarks. I became obsessed with people seeing only my outside as a value. Like there was nothing more to it.

Then the college happened. Boyfriend drama happened. My self-worth hit rock bottom.

Acne knocked on my doors. I believed it to be some kind of voodoo practices, an abnormal situation for my condition. I have never had any pimples, and if any blemishes popped up, my friends were celebrating me for being human so they could finally feel comfortable with being imperfect.

I was working as a makeup artist at the time, so I got skilled at covering my face with a good amount of quality product. Not sufficient enough to mask my weak self-esteem. I excelled at disguising my low self-confidence with good looks, jokes and heavy drinking. Only alcohol made me feel safe enough to go out and face my lack of confidence while talking to strangers.

Lesson learned: even the most expensive makeup products will not make up for your shattered self-respect.

The condition of my skin added considerably to developing social anxiety. I became reluctant in showing my authentic appearance. Not only the physical one but hiding my genuine feelings as well.

As any external, short-lived pursuits did little to alleviate internal pressures, I was desperate for looking the way out, some alternative approach.

I believed acne was aggravated by my way of eating and heavy alcohol consumption. I have decided to cut out alcohol for good, as well as fast food, carbs, any processed stuff. I have pressured my body into regular, rigorous exercises. Training at the gym became my religion. Juicer was overexploited. My stomach was aching because of the beet juice I have frantically devoured.

I was right, acne was indeed irritated by my lifestyle, but it had nothing to do with the physical intake, not as the source itself. Stress became the main culprit. The more frustrated I got with red spots when looking in the mirror, the worse it got. Like they were eavesdropping and wanting to prove their right to take place. Right on my face.

Acne is your body expressing itself.

I was insecure about which shade of my face I can present to the world. I could not fully be myself, speak my mind and my body was aching because of that. My essence wanted to be heard.

Throughout the long ordeal that followed, I was determined to prove others wrong. I became angry with my body, and how it performed, so I wanted it to suffer just like my self-esteem did. Unconscious of the way my practices influenced my mental strain, I aspired to overperform.

I falsely believed that by achieving flawless external looks, happiness will fall into my laps. Never have I been further from the truth.

External validation is a fleeting pursuit.

Self-worth cannot be achieved through outside circumstances. It is a quality of life one needs to grant themselves.

You will never reach happiness as long as you chase it outside. You are bound to miss it every time.

Your parent, your partner or any coworker cannot secure you with validation. You need to cultivate internal peace by relinquishing all attempts at trying to impress others. By shedding obsolete layers of societal assumptions, surrendering your struggles, little by little,, you get to discover your value.

Your labels can be easily taken away from you. Your possession can get stolen. Your looks can fade away. What do you end up with? Yourself. That is why it is vital to care for your needs and imperfections from the place of self-love and deep understanding.

I am not saying it is a piece of cake. But definitely, sometimes a bite of our beloved cheesecake can help more as a form of self-care than pushing yourself to the limit at the gym.

It was not until I recognized my unquestionable value when I stopped caring about superficial looks.

After running my body ragged, I have surrendered. Debilitating diets did not bring any consolation. I grew anxious and impatient, not so much with my physical progress but with a lack of internal relief. No matter how much body fat I have lost, my acne was relentlessly pressing on, I still did not feel good enough.

On that occasion, I stumbled upon self-self books, meditation, yoga and embraced the slow pace of my life.

Yoga made me stronger, mantras soothed me, meditation brought resilience. Suddenly I had no desire to strive for perfect looks, sparkling labels or any external distractions.

I befriended my thoughts. Contrary to previous beliefs, my mind no longer felt like an enemy, but consolation in the chaotic lifestyle.

Heavy makeup gave way to the natural glow which had nothing to do with a spa treatment, but internal balance.

I embraced the whole package.

My lifestyle became stripped of falsehoods of the depthless cult.

I have finally come to terms with my acne and stopped making a big deal out of it.

Bear a few things in mind:

The perception of you as somebody’s judgement is strictly dictated by how they view themselves. It is a futile endeavor trying to improve your looks for the sake of somebody else’s approval. It is their self-worth you should be working on, which is impossible for you to achieve, as their self-respect can only be granted by themselves. If they do not deem themselves as worthy, they will not compliment you as well. What is more, if you want to perfect your looks, your body, do it for yourself, your health, not for others enjoyment.

I refuse to shrink myself (mentally and physically) just to fit into some whimsical idea of beauty, conditioned by somebody’s traumas and self inflicted limitations.

Top commandments if you struggle with any skin condition:

• Do not let your external looks ruin your social life and confidence.
• Do not let it influence how you perceive yourself.
• Go above the facade of the physical. That is your gift in the times of unattainable standardized beauty goals.
• Do not identify yourself with the condition of your skin.
• Direct your focus on things you get to be grateful for, not on the status of your appearance.
• Do not get angry with your pace.

Do not pressure yourself into immediate progress. Hasn't the world have enough of the tempo we live by? You are not to blame for the condition of your skin. It is your journey, so take time to cherish it slowly.

Do not keep track of how better or worse your skin may look like today. Focus on the privilege you exercise to nourish your body with an abundance of vibrant and wholesome food. Dive into something you feel passionate about, but do not beat up on yourself for any changes or lack of them for that matter. You will get there. You may be moving slowly, but the insight and experience you gain along the way are forever yours to keep. Beware of the cult of quick results. The are not long lasting, and do not provide your with deep understanding of the lesson they carry.

Only with acceptance and understating can recovery follow.

Guess what? After I took time with my health journey, stopped pressuring myself into societal expectations, quit my corporate job, plunged into the world of freedom and creativity, ignoring my family’s expectations, the acne diminished. I took it off the pedestal. The pressure was no longer there, so the energy had the space to flow freely. Letting go is a powerful healing tool.

No pills, no harsh treatments necessary.

All it took was a change of mindset.

I still crave green smoothies, fresh food, but I also treat myself to coffee and favorite ice cream. I enjoy my life more. I take nature walks every day, no matter the weather. I compliment people because I feel good when I sense their boost in confidence through my comment. I radiate love towards every being because it makes me stronger. Love is our indestructible force and sole duty on our planet Earth.

Once I started cultivating my daily self-love practices, all physical worries faded into insignificant nothingness.

Because of acne my self-help journey took off.

Thanks to acne I woke up to catering for delicate whispers of my heart and blatant signals from my body.

Acne was my trigger. And triggers are a catalyst for the awakening.

The universe sends us people, experiences, teachers as blessings to further expand and fulfill our mission, our desires.

I believe everyone has to go through stages. Words do not teach. Only experiences do.

Sometimes you need to hate your body, only to learn to love it unconditionally. Other times you need to experience the pain of being abandoned, only to support and take care of yourself. Other times you need to go through disappointments of how life is unfolding, not the way you thought it would, but in unexpected directions so that you can discover new potential in your perception of reality.

I am thrilled to tell you that you need to go through lows and pains to get your attitude moulded.

Go on. Approach that mountain. You deserve a clear view.