Destined for Greatness

“I just want to be great, someone worth remembering” Destiny Karizma. I used to believe that I was nothing. A small blip in a giant world searching for something, anything. I just wanted to matter.

Growing up I was taught that being skinny made you pretty, and being pretty made you special. I however was neither. So what exactly did that mean for me? Exile! My mother taught me at a very young age how to hate myself. Convinced me I was unworthy of love and I believed her. I was picked on most of my life, mostly by my peers and family members. Subjected to names like Fatiny, Rasputia, and a common favorite Precious. I stopped being me and became a walking or more like wobbling joke.

As children we are taught that the most important woman in a daughter's life is her mother. It makes sense right? She gives us life. Pushes us from her very womb. Determines whether or not we get our chance to make a difference. Is one of the very first people we actually get to bond with. Well, what happens if that bond is severed and you become a tumbleweed on life’s longest road?

Everything I’ve learned has come from movies and books. It's how I figured out that love was real, not just a myth. I knew that there was no way musicians and poets were writing masterpieces on something that didn't exist. I just had to figure it out on my own. When I was about 17 years old something happened. I was at home one day listening to one of my mothers' spiels about how I wasn’t talented enough to follow my dreams. She told me I was useless, a waste of space and “We all know you take up a lot of it.” She cursed my name and my future. I never understood how a mother could show her first born such gut wrenching hatred. I let everything she said cover me like a sleeping bag, consuming me entirely. When she was finished I went to my room to let the sadness take over. I couldn’t believe it. I had no idea why I was being punished. All I ever wanted was to be accepted as I was. I had finally reached my breaking point. I decided I was tired of letting other people decide my future. I started writing, and I mean really writing; anything and everything. Poetry, stories, plays, music it all became an escape. A way for me to separate myself from the present and transport myself in a world created for misfits just like me. I turned my pain into an outlet. It finally felt like I belonged somewhere but those moments were very short lived. After all, I had to come back to reality.

It took me years to understand that hurt people hurt people. That sometimes no matter how hard you try you will not be able to please everyone. Years of constant torment turned into a deep pain that caused me to always feel alone in a room full of people. I learned how to hide in plain sight. No one was ever able to get close. I was too afraid that I’d become another punchline.

As I grew older I realized just how tired of being alone I actually was. I couldn’t live the rest of my life feeling like this. I wanted more, despite fully believing that I could obtain it. That was the exact moment I met her. The woman that would soon change my life, Ms. Destiny Karizma Johnson. She is currently an After School Counselor/ Teen Director at a Non-profit in Camden, NJ. She spends most of her time hanging with children and convincing them that they are fantastic just as they are! Her goal is to make them believe that despite any hardships that they may face there will always be someone in their corner rooting for them. When she is not at the center mentoring her children she is performing at Open Mics and Showcases in both New Jersey and Philadelphia. Writing has always been her first love, little did she know that it would become her salvation.

The teasing didn’t stop, not sure if it ever will but one thing is for sure I love all that I am and all that I am capable of becoming. The woman who had the biggest impact on my life is me. I haven't yet reached the heights I’m aiming for but I know they aren't far from reach. I taught myself to love those that accept me as well as the people who don’t. Most importantly I learned how to love myself! You have no idea what you are capable of once you destroy all the barriers meant to box you in. I have learned so much about myself and I have me to thank.