Dealing with the Disappointments of Life

So... we all know that feeling when we think things are going along fine, you may be looking forward to an event or a change in your life, and then things do not go how you would like. It may even be that you did not realize how much you wanted what was anticipated until circumstances leave you falling short. How do you deal with the emotional blow back that happens when major disappointment bites you?

Right after disappointment hits, it stimulates the fight or flight response in everyone's system, so the two most common emotions are anger or irritability and sudden, and sometimes, extreme sadness. We have to realize that we are allowed to feel those emotions. After all, you just went through personal disappointment and are allowed to express it and feel those emotions for a day or two. It's what you do next that helps pull you out of the "disappointment" slump.

First things first, with strong, prolonged emotion comes physical exhaustion. It is okay to take a break from thinking about the situation, and check out for a few hours with some sleep if possible. It is not easy or recommended to make decisions when angry or sad about the situation when a few hours may offer distance and a clear head.

A lot of people don't realize that major disruptions to the daily routine can cause extreme mental exhaustion. With mental exhaustion, physical tiredness usually follows. If you find it impossible to sleep, going for a walk or playing a game might help put some distance in the situation. If you must deal with the changed situation or disappointment immediately, write a pros and cons list or call a levelheaded friend who you can discuss the issue with. In this case two heads are better than one.

My rule of thumb is to give myself a day to feel however it is I feel. I sleep or play my favorite game. Crying also helps as you release the pent up emotions you didn't know you were holding.

The next day I usually try to turn my disappointment into productivity. I start "to do" lists and work on things around the house, run errands, or escape into work. A sense of productivity and activity can overtake the feeling of helplessness that is laced in with major disappointment. Productivity can reduce any depression or anxiety. Everyone is different, but for my mental well-being I try not to sit and dwell on the situation for longer than 24 hours because I tend to become more inactive and anxious. Even if you don't feel like moving, it's better to work through it and get moving.

Now this next one is hard, but find contentment in your disappointment. A lot of people mix up contentment with happiness and I am not saying that at the end of every disappointment you will be happy with your outcome. Happiness and contentment are not the same thing.

Happiness is a fleeting emotional state. We have feelings of happiness that are moments that can change rapidly. But contentment is a small measure of how you are now mentally. You can be content that you handled this situation to your best abilities. You can be content in a good days work. And you can be content in how you handle the events and people that will cause you disappointment in life. Contentment is being okay with where you are and what you have be it material or emotional.

Ultimately, it is who we are as people that will determine how we deal with disappointment in the long-term. It is perfectly okay to feel how you feel and be upset for the short-term, but getting up, living your best life, and working through unexpected upsets determines the kind of person you are. Strive to be the content person and forgive the disappointing circumstances that arise.