Dealing with isolation

Covid has been tough on everyone. People have lost loved ones and been isolated or separated from family, and we’ve all had to adjust to the new way of living. For most of the world, we were are living in scary, unprecedented times.

For me, though, it was a familiar.

During and after quarantine, my extroverted friends started complaining about having trouble going outside again. They claimed to have trouble making eye contact with strangers on the street. They all agreed that being in crowded spaces made them somewhat uneasy now. They told anecdotes about finding themselves jumping out of the way when people came too close - so fearful of the spread of germs.

As someone who’s been struggling with severe social anxiety for the few years, it felt like the world was finally getting a glimpse into my way of life. Avoiding eye contact? Being overwhelmed by your social situations? Panic attacks at the thought of being around too many people? I’m sorry but no one gave these people permission to replicate my life story so completely accurately.

It all started when I moved in with some really dodgy people. Having gone from studio flat, having my own space, to a sharing a house where my roommates weren’t particularly fond of me and had interesting ways of making me know I wasn’t welcome - it was a lot! I started, unconsciously, feeling like my safe space was being eroded more and more. I was under constant scrutiny, in a way that was never fair or equal, and I just broke. I felt like the only place I was safe was my room. Then I slowly started believing that every experience I would have with people would end up the same - especially since I didn’t see so much of the issues coming so I was at a loss for how to ‘fix it’ next time.

So when covid began, I honestly slightly rejoiced at the prospect of getting to have a break from social norms - just having time to heal. I quickly got out of that living situation, and moved in with family using the excuse that it would be better to stay with them so we would be one household anyway come the holidays. Luckily, during my time in lockdown it felt like everyone was reaching up to meet me, and for once I was surrounded by love and acceptance. I wasn’t alone anymore and now people were understanding how I felt. That was the major turning point for me.

So, from someone who intimately understands isolation, here are some tips to help break out of your social slump.

Prepare yourself to be uncomfortable - Healing from social anxiety is all about breaking your unhealthy and unreal ideas about yourself and the world around you. You’re going to have to break these thought patterns and prove to yourself that these ideas are wrong. This means preparing yourself to make awkward eye contact, be low-key ignored when you speak and say embarrassing things sometimes. It’s human! You need to be able to face that stuff so you can prove that everything’s going to be fine.

Work on being present - This is so easier said than done, but here’s the truth - if you’re up in your head while experiencing the world, you’re never going to actually see the things you’re trying to experience. You’re only going to get a filtered version. It doesn’t matter how many people smile or greet you, if you’re not paying attention to it, it won’t resonate. You have to make sure you’re experiencing the world, not just observing as a passenger.

Keep trying - You’ll fail. You’ll get embarrassed. You’re going to make efforts that are going to be ignored. That’s the world. All you ever need to do is get back up one more time than you fall.

Reach out to friends and family - People love you, they want to help you. If you need a small way to get you to socialise, try anonymous websites like Reddit first. Let strangers on the internet hear what you have to say, there’ll always be someone willing to listen and give you kind words. When you’re ready, move on to people you really know. You’ll have practice and it’ll be easier.

If you’re struggling with isolation, I promise you there’s a way out. You just need to make those first steps. Your body is made to heal, and it’ll help you as long as stay consistent. Having people to support me helped me so much, and I hope you reach out to your loved ones. Doing this won’t just help you, you never know who you’ll end up inspiring when you do.