Crushed Dreams

Path: the course in which a person is moving.

In life we constantly find ourselves going through different phases. They can be good, bad, sad, or stressful and can take you on any number of emotional roller coasters. As human beings we try to solve and get through these challenges as best we can. Sometimes, however, these challenges are very tough and by not knowing who to ask for help or how to deal with difficult emotions, we find ourselves in unknown, dark and lonely places from which it seems there is no escape. It feels like silence but it's not really silent, it's the loudest sound you could ever hear. These past two years felt like that to me.

I´ve always been a passionate and unstoppable artist. Like most of the people on this earth, I have a dream; one which I’ve had since I was little and couldn't stop thinking about. I was very clear that for me to accomplish my biggest desires I needed to sit, plan, start working, and let things manifest, so I did that for 7 years. Then the time came when I was within reach of a huge stepping stone on the path toward my dream. I auditioned to study at The American Musical and Dramatic Academy and was offered a partial scholarship. In that moment I felt nothing but fire in my veins. I was one step away from making my dream a reality, but what I didn't foresee was that I was also two steps away from having my dream crushed not once, but twice.

I began working day and night to raise the money for the rest of the tuition to study at one of my dream universities because the one and only student loan institution in Costa Rica closed until further notice. There were not any other entities in the country that could give this amount of money to a student without imposing impossible financial prerequisites as well as exorbitant interest rates. Since I'm not a quitter, I started contacting foundations, producing fundraising concerts, working Sunday to Sunday from 6am to 2am to raise tuition money but yet it wasn't enough. I ran out of time. Time beat me.

Finding myself in a helpless position I once again reached out to AMDA and was thrilled when they offered to waive my tuition entirely. This is something that AMDA almost never does, especially not for a foreign student. So that I would be able to afford living expenses, I was also offered a job in their work study program, but since I wouldn't have a contract for the job until I got there, I needed to find a sponsor in order to be granted a student visa. I found one which was a business thinking that that would work, however my student visa was declined because my sponsor was supposed to have been an individual. Time beat me again. The university couldn´t defer my application anymore so I had to let it go.

Even though I was devastated I kept my head up and kept looking for a place to study. I was accepted into the professional musical theatre 6 months course at Associated Studios in London which I paid for with my savings. Once in London my dream had finally come true. Life was filled with auditions, callbacks and amazing classes at school.

Then troubles began again. Soon after I arrived, the living situation I had secured for myself before leaving for London fell apart, so I found another one which also fell apart. Then the cafe where I’d been working to pay for my living expenses closed so I had no place to live and no income. I had to live in hostels and eat only once a day, which caused my health to deteriorate.

Then came Covid, sending me back to Costa Rica where I tested positive for Covid, not knowing when I'd be able to go back to finish my studies.

I faced all these trials as bravely as I could, but it was one of the most challenging times of my life. Everything looked normal but I was screaming inside: "Please someone help me stay awake". Sometimes I felt like dying but even when I couldn't see my path and felt like I was asleep, I kept going and was finally able to steady my course. I learned how resilient and resourceful I could be in such defining moments. The whole experience was very empowering. When life put me through a crucible of fire I emerged as pure gold. My dream is stronger than ever. I know who I want to be; a performing artist. I´m not giving up!

Niki Laurent