Changing my last name has never felt more free



- Sad little girl, broken because of her fathers mistakes. Still hurting from the past and can’t move on, weak and depressed. Has been through shit, would rather lie in bed all day then do productive things. Is still angry and hasn’t forgiven her father for what he’s done, seeks revenge and justice daily. Sabrina Rosso was a girl who got bullied in elementary school and in High School, she was ashamed of her quirkiness and standing out.

- Sad little girl, broken because of her fathers mistakes. Still hurting from the past and can’t move on, weak and depressed. Has been through shit, would rather lie in bed all day then do productive things. Is still angry and hasn’t forgiven her father for what he’s done, seeks revenge and justice daily. Sabrina Rosso was a girl who got bullied in elementary school and in High School, she was ashamed of her quirkiness and standing out.

My dads last name is Rosso, and obviously he’s not around anymore so due to that and for my own benefit and on Facebook I changed my last name to my mothers name because I am way more closer to that side of the family and it’s much easier to identify with. (Cause legally changing your last name is expensive apparently.) It just suits me better and I feel more myself knowing I don’t have my fathers mistakes tethered to my name.

Sabrina Cartwright

- Brand new woman, has written two novels, confident and self aware. Has forgiven her father for the wrong doings he’s done, still craves answers but will no longer grieve of his loss. (Is dead to her even though he’s still alive.) Sabrina Cartwright embraces who she is, even if it’s weird and silly she knows it’s okay because that’s who she is. She’s forgiven those who have hurt her in the past, because they only made her who she is today, a strong independent young woman fully capable of moving on from the past.

To some, it may be just a last name. But to me, its a whole new meaning of myself. To me, its growing and becoming a brand new woman and shedding my skin from the past and moving on. Things still bother and get to me, but I won’t let it effect me like it used to. It didn’t happen over night, it took many years and days of self loathing and a battle among myself to feel this confident of myself. I don’t hate my father for what he did to me, he was never truly abusive or shouted at me, he just wasn’t ready to be a father yet and as much as it suck he had to push me out of his life the way he did, I understand now and I forgive him. I wish I could talk to him, and tell him I forgive him but unfortunately he won’t allow that and it sucks but it’s life and I have to move on. As far as my bullies go, some of the things they’ve said to me stuck with me for years and years, but again I forgive them because the first step in moving on is forgiveness. Yeah, I still have my bad days but lately there have been more good than bad, and I’m going to go with that because when I busy myself…I feel stronger, like the world is mine and I can do anything I set my mind to. No more pity parties, or feeling sorry for myself.

So many have passed through my life,

So many have left scars with their knives,

So many have loved and left

These are the words to the forgotten

This is my pick up where I got broken hearted

Things may never go back to what they where

Because all in the past is such a blur

I have to teach myself to be okay

I have to move on and pretend everyday

It’s hard and it feels wrong

But I’ll be alright

Because I know I am strong

These words to the forgotten, they are my heart and my soul. They are everything I went through spilled out onto the pages. My very brain is what you are experiencing here, even more deeper than “inside this crazy head of mine.” I will not hold back on anything I feel or experience. I just want my world out there, for the real world to experience fully. It doesn’t matter what I make, or what I gain from publishing my life and my thoughts; what matters is what you gain from reading my words and knowing my struggle and my gains and losses. I am vulnerably letting everything go, and I have no ounce of regret doing so.

-S.C