Build Up Your Self-Esteem

*This article was originally posted on Medium.

"Perhaps the biggest mistake I made in the past was that I believed love was about finding the right person. In reality, love is about becoming the right person. Don't look for the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Become the person you want to spend the rest of your life with." - Neil Strauss

I remember the day I decided that I didn't want to be afraid of taking risks. A year before my realization, I suffered through the worst phase of stress and anxiety I'd ever experienced.

A lot of these feelings stemmed from not having the confidence in myself to take on life itself. My insecurities slowly began to take control of how I lived my life.

My worst year was a nightmare.

It was my second year of college, and every part of myself felt unrecognizable. When I think of the past, all I can remember are feelings of anxiety and the weight of expectations.

I remember not living or doing for myself. Back then, my only goal was to achieve for the sake of others. On my nineteenth birthday, when it was time to blow out the candles, I closed my eyes and wished that I had no fear.

At the time, my mind and body craved drastic change. The day after my birthday, I started planning, setting goals, and putting them into action.

I was determined to put myself to the ultimate test.

I wrote down my true feelings, dreams, and aspirations, and finally, I came up with a plan. Instead of dreaming for change, I decided to put myself out there.

I participated in the following challenges:

(1) I did everything alone

Instead of relying on other people to make me happy, I decided to start doing things alone. I shopped, exercised, and reflected all by myself. To get comfortable with being alone, I had to stop relying on other people to fill a void within myself.

In doing this, I found a way to become my best friend. Over time, I realized the importance of building a strong relationship with myself. Instead of relying on the perspectives of others, I decided to give my voice a chance.

(2) I opened my mind to new ideas

To become the person I wanted to be, I had to adopt a new set of values, beliefs, and practices. This part wasn't an easy task because I first had to let go of everything and learn to welcome new perspectives.

I constantly went back and forth between what was right and wrong. I battled myself, but over time, I was able to accept new ideas.

By opening my mind, I was able to view the world and its problems from an entirely new perspective. Simply by becoming aware of my mind and emotions, I was able to teach myself new behaviors and habits.

I quickly realized that our only limiting factors are ourselves. Instead of getting in the way of growth and change, I decided to stop enabling limiting factors.

(3) I went against everything and everyone

To put my abilities and confidence to the ultimate test, I had to do the things I was afraid of. To do the impossible, I had to go out there and find a way to make it possible.

The year I turned 20 was the year I moved out. I moved across the country, finished college, and learned something new every step of the way. In the beginning, I received judgment, but in the end, it worked out in my favor.

If I hadn't challenged myself, I wouldn't be writing this today. Throughout these four years, the greatest lesson I learned is this, -

The secret to unlocking self-confidence is by doing the things that scare you.

For many years I didn't know myself, let alone my worth. I used to be a very insecure person. I constantly questioned, stressed, and worried if my decisions were the right choices.

I spent my young adult years going with the flow, I never questioned, or doubted anything anyone said. In short, I allowed others to label me, and in turn, I became those labels and definitions.

I had no idea who I was until I went away from everything that defined me. It wasn't until I pushed myself to move out and be alone, that I discovered what I was truly capable of.

To build my self-esteem from the ground up, I had to dismantle everything, and build anew.